2 Atheists Give Up Stuff For Lent

The boys of Cocky & Rude love the lead up to Zombie Jesus Day a lot. Adam gets to eat all the vegan candy he can find and Mikey gets to make fun of Adam for eating vegan candy, which sounds just plain gross. We also get to talk about all the stuff that we are going to give up for Lent. We have no idea why we or anyone are supposed to give stuff up for the period between Mardi Gras and ZJD, but they do. Here is what we are giving up this year.

Adam: I’m not going to Be (Fake) Nice To My Coworkers anymore. No more polite smiles. And I will no longer bite my tongue and listen to you babble about the weather.

Mikey: I’m not going to Tell People I’m Giving Up Catholicism for Lent. I never really had it and frankly the joke has gotten tired.

Adam: I’m going to give up Weight Loss. It’s overrated, I’m happier when I’m fat, and you people already kicked me out of Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 2.

Mikey: I’m not going to Say that I’m Fat. It might be horribly true, but I’m not going to tell anyone how super sized I have become or how few of my clothes fit me.

Adam: I’m also giving up Being Nice To People. It takes too much effort and it’s easier to be rude. Plus when I’m rude to people, it’s free advertising for Cocky & Rude.

Mikey: I’m not going to Apologize to People I Bump Into on the Subway. When I do, they look at me like my apology is the offensive part.

Adam: No more Being A Courteous Driver for me! If you’re driving too slow and I’m stuck behind you, please prepare for me to honk at you. If you’re driving stupid, I will give you the finger.

Mikey: No more Whining About How Few Comments I get. It is your own damn fault that you are missing an opportunity to interact with the greatest mind of my generation. Suit yourself.

Adam: I will no longer Help Little Old Ladies Cross The Street. Not that I’ve ever helped a little old lady before, but if I see one, I will most definitely push them to the ground and step on them.

Mikey: I am finished Helping Tourists Get Around the City. They just need to shut up, buy a map and get the hell out of my way. I’m serious. German? Get Away! Italian? Mop off the grease and get off the street.

Adam: Forget Waiting My Turn At The Supermarket! I’m now just going to mow everyone down with my shopping cart. If you’re between me and my produce, I’m going to hurt you.

Mikey: I’m not going to Stop Quoting 30 Rock all the time. The show is incredibly brilliant and the humor can not be contained. I will continue to work on my night cheese.

Adam: Street runners beware! I will no longer refrain from Rolling My Window Down And Screaming At You Like A Lady. Oh wait, I’ve never refrained from doing this. Is that weird? I scream a high pitched wail at the same large-chested man in a tight t-shirt at least once a week.

Mikey: I’m not going to Stop talking about How Amazing Cheese is. It is the best substance ever. I love chocolate lots, but cheese is the best thing that ever happened to anyone including you.

Adam: That’s it for Covering My Mouth And Nose When I Cough And Sneeze! My germs are awesome, and from now on, I’m going to share them with all of you!

Mikey: I’m not going to Wash My Clothes. I hate doing laundry and I think that the fake god wants me to not do it, so I won’t. I might smell by the end of Lent, but I’ll be happy.

Adam: I’m also giving up Watching My Language Around Children. They’re going to hear some fucking curse words somewhere, so they might as well fucking hear them from me.

Mikey: I’m not going to Stop Making Goo Goo Sounds at Dogs on the Street. I don’t care if your think it makes me sound like a crazy person or immature. Dogs are cute and deserve to know it.

Adam: No more Making Fun Of You Behind Your Back for me! Now I’m just going to make fun of you to your face. And it’s gunna be brutal.

Mikey: I’m not going to Complain to Adam about his continuing to Watch American Idol. He watches a lot more shows that I will tease him about. I bet he still watches that one about those doctors who don’t really know anything about medicine other than how to sexually harass each other in the on call room.

Now that you know what good boys we plan to be, let us know what you are going to give up this Lent. We will accept all answers as a contract between you and the Lord. (For the purposes of this blog, Cocky & Rude is the Lord).

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11 thoughts on “2 Atheists Give Up Stuff For Lent”

  1. Another couple of atheists at our house. I said I was giving up cigarettes and whiskey. The kid claims she’s giving up shoes and socks. However given that it’s -4F out there this morning I think I’ll be more successful than she will be.

    I like your stop being nice to coworkers commitment. I may adopt that one today. I’m on vacation 2 days next week and they want me to come in for some stupid pizza lunch bonding shit. I kind of said I might but today I’m saying no. Vacation is vacation, I’m not taking 2.5 hours of my day off to drive to the office and eat pizza with people I don’t even like. Thanks for the inspiration Lord.

  2. *Thread killer alert*
    I’m not and atheist, but while I was raised Catholic and have done five of the seven sacraments, I am no longer a practicing Catholic. I don’t have a problem with people walking around with ashes on their foreheads, but I can’t actively practice with an organization I don’t support. I don’t have as much of a problem with the core beliefs (love one another, be kind, don’t steal, don’t kill people, behave) but I have a major problem with the organization of the religion and the interpretation of some of the statements.

    I don’t care what people believe or practice, as long as it doesn’t hurt other people. I like the advice of treating religion like your genitals: don’t show them in public and don’t shove it down your kids throat.

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