Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 2: Week 6

The 5th week of Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser has drawn to a close.  This is our last week competing at teams — next week we’ll break all of the teams apart and begin to play as individuals!  So in the spirit of the upcoming Valentine’s day and as a final goodbye to your teammate, we asked each player how much they love their teammate.  Here’s what they had to say…


GINGY & THE HAT Adam & Mr. Sombrero


Adam: My teammate is the bestest!  As I started to slack off on my dieting over the last week or so, he picked up the slack and kept our % in a good place.  I also love him because he’s cute and funny and nice and sweet and … oh wait, I’m supposed to talk about dieting.  Mmmm Swedish Fish!  Nom nom nom…

Mr. Sombrero: Ok, before I answer how much I amor my teammate, let me tell you that I have partaken in a Zumba class this week. By the end of the class I was sweating buckets and have since lost weight.  And I loooooooooooooove my teammate, but everyone already knows that. I just wish he would stop stuffing his mouth with chocking hazards every week.


THE JAILHOUSE LAWYERS Polt & Jere


Polt: How much do I love my teammate? More than Mama Polt’s Homemade Apple Pie! See, my weight loss this time around is no less stellar than my weight loss during the FIRST contest. So the only reason our team is still even IN this thing now is all because of Jere. I don’t know how much he’s lost, but however much it is, it’s enough to make up for my lackluster performance. I suppose when you’re going to law school and involved in as many activities as Jere is, there’s not a whole lot of free time left for the lower priority things…like sleeping or eating. Jere, I know your part in this game is a difficult one, cause you’re having to carry me along on you back! But keep up the good work, man!

Jere: This year, it’s always November in Jere’s Palace. That’s because Polt is my favorite member of the gang who has never texted me a picture of a penis. Every interaction with Polt is a little ray of sunshine into my life. He brings good energy. It’s just too bad he’s such a selfish lover and a greedy power bottom.


TEAM COLON BLOW Paul & FDot


Paul: I love FDot so much because he is the one that came up with our team name. There are other reasons, but no one wants to hear that.

Fdot: How can anyone not love Paul?  His lineage can be traced back (supposedly) to a sinlge man from the Bronx.  His last name means “Parish Court”, no doubt a testament to his religious zealotry.  Ever since this contest began, not a night has passed where I have not dreamed of Paul, riding a rainbow-hued Pegasus through a field of gently waving clover, stopping by a burning barn to rescue an orphan, a puppy and a panic-stricken ferret, then whirling around to fend off an attack of mildly agitated carny workers.  By day, I sit and stare at my phone, waiting for the call that will allow me to hear the dulcet tones of his voice, tones that could cause coal to spontaneously combust into a diamond.  Of course I love Paul as my teammate; I reap all the benefits while everyone else seethes with jealously at their inability to share in this deep, personal, cable modem based connection we two have.


TEAM MUSHY CUPCAKE Mush & Ryan


Mush: It’s that time again: The Curse™ is due any second. For this reason, I’m bitchy and crampy and pissed off, and I’ve  been starving for days. I went over my daily caloric goals three times in the past week, but that’s not the worst part. The worst part is that, due to my gender and the afflictions thereof, my awesome, wonderful, groovy, fantastic partner – with whom I’ve been in first place, what, three times? – has to pay the price! Ryan has been losing steadily during this entire contest. He’s serious about BC&RL2, and so am I, and  I honestly think we can win. It’s just that he got stuck with a girl for a partner who bloats up like a corpse every four weeks and I stayed within my weekly goal and should have lost a pound or two but instead I gained water weight and we’ll probably be in last place and get voted off and it’s not his fault and I’ll lose it all by next week’s weigh-in and I could weep with the injustice of it all! No! I’m not fucking emotional! WHY DO YOU ASK!!? A little advice: don’t bake bread when you’re on a diet and PMSing, because you will freakin’ eat the entire loaf, and then you’ll want to eat worse things. Like pizza and Mexican food. Delicious homemade bread is the gateway food to entire worlds of fat and starch. Just don’t do it. Srsly.

Ryan: I’m so glad that I got partnered up with Mush. I didn’t know her that well before this competition, but I loved getting to know her over the past few weeks. She’s the one who introduced me to the tools to track what I eat and my exercise that have helped me to make sure that I burn more calories than I eat. She has also been superbly supportive. Of course, I also love that she’s done an amazing job at losing weight over the past few weeks.  Yay, Mush!


TYLER-EXIA & BULI-MIKEY Mikey & Ty


Mikey: How much do I love my teammate?  Let me count the ways….well I don’t wanna get too cheesy on the blog.  I did that last week already.  Let’s just say I love him a lot more than the weight I have lost and I love him a lot more than my total weight.  That’s probably the best way to quantify it.  I would even say that his weight plus my weight would not be the right number.  Ugh…math is hard.  I’m going to bed.

Ty: I am currently in my secret undisclosed location preparing for a HUGE project that will be revealed soon.  Fortunately, there’s WiFi, so I can duly report my complete lack of progress over the last week, despite the fact that I’ve actually been working out.  But in light of this week’s theme, I should add that I’m not at all upset because it just means that I got to have SOOO much fun with my teammate, eating, drinking and being merry.  That’s how much I love him: I’d gladly risk love handles if it means I get to enjoy more time with him.  Sure, we could probably find ways to be just as happy with celery and tofu as with chocolate love butter and body shots, but is that really the world we want to live in?


How did our teams do in the first week? It’s time to find out!
We’ve added the total percentages for each team.  Here are the results:


And now it’s time to eliminate a team! Here’s how it works: just like American Idol, you vote for the team that you want to save. The team with the least votes will be eliminated. Polls close around Noon (EST) on Saturday.



Which will be the last team eliminated?  Place your wagers in the comments!
And look for the next elimination results on Sunday!

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10 thoughts on “Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 2: Week 6”

  1. I still lost 1.4# this week, and I’m gonna keep right on losing. Not least because I’m gonna be in Iceland in 4 weeks and spending a lot of time soaking in geothermal pools and sitting in saunas and want to be in semi-decent shape for it.

  2. That was sweet. You all make very cute couples : ).

    Michelle – you don’t have to be in last place to be voted off. That’s the beauty (I guess) of BCRL. But I feel your pain (amplified food cravings and 5 pound fluctuations every month). Team Mush!

  3. I think I’ve slipped into a sugar coma from all the sweetness up there. Well done everyone and I’ll be sorry to see another team bite the dust. The graphics were amazing. Great job.

  4. Great graphic representations of our feelings towards each other! I’m just glad to see we’re not on the bottom this week (ba-dum-DUM!)

    And Jere, had you wanted a penis text sent to you, you had but to ask. 🙂

    HUGS…

  5. Yay! I’m going to be sad when we switch to the individual portion of the competition.

    I’m curious to see what will happen with two teams with home-field advantage competing for votes.

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