I am an Island

When the weather is frigid and cold and the skies seem determined to drop ice and snow at every chance they get, there is only one thing I start to think about: islands. Specifically tropically islands with crystal clear water, warm sandy beaches, and palm trees galore. No one can resist the temptation to day dream about the day in their life when they can just jet off to Tahiti or Fiji for a weekend, but what would we do if we were stranded on a deserted island? To keep things simple, let’s pretend this island bares no resemblance to the island on Lost. No smoke monsters. No epic power struggles between good and evil. Just good ole fashioned Gilligan’s Island kinda capers. What are the five things you would bring to this island? Well here is what I would bring.

My “oft plan to read, but never actually read” copy of James Joyce’s Ulysses.
Once a year I pick up my copy of this novel, which is routinely touted as the best ever written, and say to myself “self, you should read this thing.” And I never actually do. It isn’t that I don’t want to read it, but I just know that it will require every ounce of concentration I have to focus on it. A deserted island with no one else to talk to is exactly such a place.

Endless supplies of Sunblock
I once visited my dermatologist to have my many sexy moles examined. She indicated that it was impossible for her to follow all of them since I had so many. She also said that I am clinically “white-ass-white.” I think when your dermatologist describes your skin tone in that way you should avoid overexposure to the sun. On a beach in the middle of no where without sunblock I would die from sunburn in about five minutes.

Toilet Paper
Adam’s freakish environmental heart might hate me for saying this, but I can’t live without toilet paper. When stranded on an island, I would have to have this particular item. Leaves just won’t cut it. In my defense, paper is biodegradable and I will compost what I use. So take that environment.

Chocolate
Sure it would melt in the hot sun, but life without chocolate is not life. I’ll take any kind. Chocolate improves my mood and makes me just happy. I’m sure there is some scientific reason behind this like caffeine makes me happy or endorphines in the stuff make me smiley, but I don’t care. I just want it.

My Boyfriend

Sure it is kind of cheating to say I would bring my boyfriend with me, but I’m making the rules here. I would have to take him along. This is not a cheesy way to just talk about him. It is a way to say that I can’t imagine being on an island in the sun without him

Now you know what I would bring to my island castaway adventure. What is on your list of “I can’t live without?”

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20 thoughts on “I am an Island”

  1. Hmmm. I’d have to be on a slightly magical island.

    1) My lap top (with some kind of magical electrical plug or never ending battery) and a rocket stick that lets me access the internet.
    2) A never ending supply of fruity drinks
    3) Toilet paper is good
    4) Body Wash that could be used as shampoo
    5) A beach umbrella because I am also lily white.

    Since I don’t have a boyfriend (I hate you) I think taking another person would not be good because I’d end up wanting to drown them in the lagoon or hit them on the head with a coconut after about a week.

  2. You had me until you said your boyfriend. No offense to Ty of course, but my cold black loveless heart is resistant to such cheesiness.

    1. Lord of the Rings (I might even get through the appendices!).
    2. A blanket (to protect me from the sun in the day, sleep with at night).
    3. TOILET PAPER!
    4. The biggest book of games/puzzles/soduko/ken ken (and box of pencils, yes this is one item!) I can find.
    5. A knife to kill and eat natives.

  3. 1. A Asian twinkie with a harithing.
    2. A large, muscular blad black man.
    3. Toilet paper is DAMN good.
    4. A very wel endoweled redhead with no gag relfex to speak of.
    5. Paper and pens, to record all my…..adventures.

    HUGS…

  4. 1. Tooth brush and paste.
    2. My lap top (with some kind of magical electrical plug or never ending battery) and a rocket stick that lets me access the internet. More importantly, I need my music.
    3. A Swiss Army knife, on steroids.
    4. A large waterproof and insulated blanket.
    5. A boat with enough fuel and provisions to get me home.

  5. 1. Toilet Paper.
    2. The Professor – but no Mary Ann.
    3. Cookbook – 1001 Ways to Prepare Coconut.
    4. Basic Tool Kit
    5. Plenty of small arms and ammunition, to make sure those head hunters understand they are not looking for the kind of head I would be willing to give.

  6. You guys are hilarious (and gross Mr. Sombrero). Seems John and I will still be watching internet porn chatting to our friends on our islands with our magical everlasting batteries.

  7. 1) A blanket? Dream bigger! I’m bringing a well-equipped trailer.
    2) The magical laptop/nook thingie (for books, music, movies).
    3) Lots of canned food/seeds for produce. I don’t eat seafood.
    4) Medical supplies.
    5) Harry will be happy to know he beat out toilet paper (narrowly).

  8. 1. Laptop with solar charger and satellite modem
    2. A set of knives
    3. Fishing gear
    4. Marine One
    5. Gay Marine One pilot

  9. Aww… Adam. Smack! (that’s a kiss)

    1. The Puntabugang (including Harry)
    2. Private jet (with pilot) to fly us off and on
    3. Booze (pineapple juice for Enrico) and snacks
    4. Party pad
    5. Groovy tunes

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