There Should Be A Law!

Do you ever just get SO infuriated by something that you yell, “There should be a law!”  You don’t?  Well I do.  All sorts of things are constantly pissing me off.  Maybe I’m just a grumpy person, or maybe, just maybe, there really should be a law.

There should be a law that people need to shut up about crinkly Sun Chips bags. It was reported on Wednesday that Frito-Lay Sun Chips would no longer be using their environmentally-friendly decomposable bags because consumers didn’t like how noisy the bag material is.  WHAT?!  People really couldn’t deal with a bag that was better for the planet because it made a loud crinkly sound?  Customers actually stopped buying the chips because of the noise.  Sales tumbled.  The planet cries.

Speaking of which… There should be a law that people are required to recycle. Plastic?  Glass?  Paper?  Cardboard?  Metal?  It’s all recyclable.  So why are you throwing it into the trash?!  It’s ridiculously lazy.  All stores and restaurants should have recycling cans next to their trash cans.  And all homes should rinse, sort and recycle.  Recycling should not be a choice, it should a be a rule.  And there’s nothing that makes me angrier than when coworkers throw their paper in my trash can.  There’s a recycling bin FOUR FEET AWAY!

There should be a law that public toilets cannot flush so hard that they fling little droplets of toilet water onto the toilet seat. Seriously — it’s disgusting.  No one wants to walk into a bathroom stall and be faced with little drops of water all over the seat.  And you’re praying that it’s just water.  You grab a wad of toilet paper to wipe off the seat while desperately holding in the reason you’re there in the first place.  Flying spaghetti monster forbid that you have to go so badly that you don’t have time to clean the seat!  Then you’re doomed to walk around the rest of the day knowing that your bum cheeks are unclean.  It’s enough to drive you mad!

There should be a law that people actually have to turn off their phones in the movie theater. I don’t care if you’re expecting an important call.  If your life is important enough to interrupt my movie, then don’t go to the movies.  If your dad is in the hospital or if your surrogate is about to squirt out your baby… THEN DON’T GO TO THE MOVIES.  You were reminded about ten times to turn off your phone.  That doesn’t mean to turn the sound down.  That doesn’t mean to put it on vibrate (because we can all hear that too!).  It means that you should turn it off.  If your phone rings in the theater, you go to jail.  For a long time.  If you answer your phone at the movies?  Then you shot on sight.

So what’s bugging you?  Write some of your own laws in the comments!


14 thoughts on “There Should Be A Law!”

  1. I actually have one of those compostable bags in my compost pile, but I’m pretty sure most of the fucktards who complained were just throwing them in the trash, where they’d just go to the landfill and not compost anyway. Still, Frito-Lay is one big steaming pile of suck for that decision.

    As for recycling, there are some studies suggesting that no-sort recycling schemes actually get better compliance and are more cost-effective, presumably because you’ve got one team of sorters at a recycling facility, rather than duplicating efforts to weed out inappropriately sorted items from multiple streams. Still, we’re pretty fanatical about sorting whatever can be sorted.

  2. My undergraduate university had placed recycling bins everywhere a few years before I went. Despite this, every Saturday morning I would walk past a box full of beer cans in the trash three feet from the aluminum recycling bin.

  3. I sometimes feel like Canada is more recycling friendly than the US. When I was with my friends in Virginia in June we had, ummm a few?, empty bottles. People were throwing wine bottles in the trash. I was the one digging the bottles out of the trash like some kind of homeless lady. Even at my teeny tiny small hometown in the middle of nowhere Western Canada they have recycling at the garbage pick-up. Maybe not for everything but for plastic, glass, metal, paper.

    I try to recycle what I can. I’m not totally freaky about it but I would never throw a can or a bottle in the trash. I know at the mall food courts here they have separate garbage for glass and plastic bottles also on the streets. At my work we have recycle bins on each floor for plastic glass and paper. In fact all of our large garbage cans were taken away. We have a full size recycle bin for paper in each office and each one has a tiny trash can that hooks on the side where you can put your apple core, plastic baggies, etc. The government has tried to green-up, printers are set to double-side only unless you change it.

    Oh and beer bottles and wine bottles here are returnable for a fee, so you get .10 per beer bottle and I’m not sure how much for wine, so if nothing else the homeless people have an incentive to dig those out of the trash although since I was a wee tot the beer bottles were refundable so that’s not a new concept in Canada. It drives me crazy in books when they say “he threw the beer bottles in the garbage”. WTF? You get those out of there RIGHT NOW mister.

    Oh and I bought that bag yesterday at the store. It is VERY noisy but put the chips in a bowl, or we divide them up to take them to work/school. Recycle rant done. I have to get my ass out the door and get my recycling to the curb. Metal and plastic day.

  4. Drivers that drive too slow or take really retarded actions while driving need be run off the road, dragged from their cars, and shot. In the head. And thier boddies left there next to the road for vulture food. AND as a warning to other drivers. Cause anybody that pulls out in front of me when I’m going 60, and makes me slow to ten MPH below the speed limit while they putz around for the next 25 miles just needs to be taken off the roads permanently.

    Oh and yeah, the non-recyclers, yeah, they suck too I guess. 🙂


  5. The libertarians hate you Adam!

    I think a lot of places do have recycling laws, but they are incredibly difficult to enforce. It sucks, but it is true. I’m very proud that my entire family takes recycling very seriously.

    I would pass a law that people running for political office should be required to pass basic spelling and pronunciation tests.

  6. I think that cellphone use in movie theater pose a greater threat to our nation than not recycling.

    I’d make a law that says people need to use their turn signal when driving. Oh wait, that already is a law. Nothing is worse than backing out of a driveway, and you see someone coming down the street, and you wait at the base of your driveway for them to pass, and then they turn down another block before they even get to you. SIGNAL AND LET ME KNOW!

  7. I just came up with a new one! NO COLOGNE OR PERFUME in office buildings! I hate getting on the elevator and smelling someone’s rank nasty chemically funk

  8. @Craig My driving should be a law and there is thing is people who panic and cut across traffic to make a turn that they are about to miss. I’ve had plenty of experience of backtracking after a missed turn or exit. It isn’t elegant, but it’s not that hard, and it doesn’t risk killing anyone.

  9. Cell phones in movie theaters just drive me up the freakin’ wall. Can people not go 2 hours without checking the display? No! They can’t! I hate them! I have a friend that I’ll NEVER go to a movie with again because she couldn’t make it through You Again without opening her phone.

    The Sun Chips Garden Salsa chips are sooo good.

    I hate it when people can’t return their shopping carts to the cart return. And just leave then wherever. Usually right next to my car. Lazy asses.

  10. Good call on the first one! Earlier this week, I was eating yogurt-covered raisinz at this little coffee shop and dis dumb Asian hooker [read as: smart Asian college st00dent] asked me if I would pour them out on a napkin instead of repeatedly reaching into the bag cuz the noize was “distracting” her. Fuck off bitch. Go to a library.

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