Hot Men, or How to Know if a Show is Good: Part 1

Now that most of the networks have had a chance to show you the new shows they have to offer this season, it is time for Cocky & Rude to get to work deciding which ones are the best and which ones are born to fail. Being a major homo I am naturally going to base this entirely on the hotness or notness of the men on each freshman offering. In fact, I didn’t even watch most of these new shows, but that doesn’t stop me from looking at their casts on IMDB and deciding who is fit to hit my sheets.

Since television sucks so much that most networks have to refill their entire lineups each year, there are 23 new shows with that needed rating. I only focused on scripted shows because it is just no fun ranking the hotness of “real” people on reality shows. Today we will cover the bottom 15 and tomorrow you can read the top 8 shows according to hot dudeliness.

Billy Gardell

23.Mike & Molly – I might be biased against this show since I dated a girl in high school who was named Molly, but I’m not thrilled with what it has to offer. Billy Gardell just doesn’t make my motor run. Someone might want to let CBS know that working class people are not all large and in charge.

22. Boardwalk Empire – HBO’s latest Sopranos might be high on drama, but it is low in men worthy of my humble attention. Steve Buscemi is creepy and Michael Pitt looks like someone flattened his face with a rolling pin.

21. The Defenders – Can someone please let Jerry O’Connell know that he is doing new shows every year? I’m convinced that he thinks that he is in some post-modern show that changes premises every 6 months. Also, he and Jim Belushi might be cute and/or handsome to some, but they just don’t cause my p33n to rise to their defense.

Alfred Molina

20. Law & Order: Los Angeles – Dick Wolf might have cast every available man in LA, but he never quite got the hot. Terrence Howard and Skeet Ulrich bring some spice to the mix, but the rugged looks of Peter Coyote and the ginormity of Alfred Molina‘s head don’t pass the bar.

19. Running Wilde – This show’s Will Arnett is a funny guy, but making me laugh doesn’t always make me want to drop my pants and play. I’m going to leave this one to Amy.

18. Detroit 1-8-7 – This show has a lot of men in it and quite a bit of acting talent, but the looks are so NYPD Blue 1994. Boring.

William Shatner

17. $#*! My Dad Says – Sure William Shatner and Will Sasso are funny guys, but being funny to look at does not help them in this ranking. However, Jonathan Sadowski‘s cool sexiness saved this show from the very bottom of the heap.

16. My GenerationMehcad Brooks may have been shot on True Blood, but he is alive and seducing somewhere else. He is gorgeous. Unfortunately this show is not on HBO, so less skin means lower ranking.

15. Outlaw – When I look at this show I say, I want Jimmy Smits to be my dad and I want to do naughty things with Jesse Bradford behind the judges desk. If I wanted Jimmy Smits to be my daddy, this show would have landed in the top ten, but c’est la vie.

Tom Selleck

14. Blue Bloods – I do want Tom Selleck to be my daddy! Oh and Will Estes and Donnie Wahlberg could play along too. Throw in their cop uniforms and I’m very glad to be cuffed and searched by these manly men.

13. No Ordinary FamilyMichael Chiklis‘s scary eyes almost landed this one much lower on the list, but former Weeds cast member Romany Malco was on the scene to save the day. I would totally go Nancy Botwin on that.

12. Outsourced – The mediocrity of this pilot was salvaged by the utter adorableness of it’s star Ben Rappaport and supporting actor Sacha Dhawan. If these two boys keep smiling like they do from week to week, I’m going to watch even if the dialogue is predictable.

Shane West

11. Nikita – For a show about a killer female babe, this show has two very hot men on it. I always struggle with the fact that I find Shane West attractive, but I guess I’m coming out here and now. Aaron Stanford rounds out the hot and anchors it in pure CW territory.

10. Better With You – I have no idea what this show is about and I really don’t care. I saw pictures of stars Josh Cooke and Jake Lacy while doing my research and I wanted to see them, together. So I hope this show takes a turn toward hardcore gay porn.

9. The Whole Truth – Northern Exposures Rob Morrow is looking damn sexy with that scruff. This shows that change is good. He went from bore me to bang me. I hope Maura Tierney doesn’t mind.

Wow…that was a long list already. Can you handle the hotness? Join me tomorrow as we count down to the sexiest show on the air.

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12 thoughts on “Hot Men, or How to Know if a Show is Good: Part 1”

  1. Yeah I agree with you on Rob Morrow.

    I’d like to say I admire you for “coming out of the closet” as a Shane West fan, but … I just can’t bring myself to … Instead you have my sympathies 😉

  2. Dick Wolf. Now there’s a name.

    I haven’t noticed much hotness in the shows I’ve been watching. But then I like Hugh Laurie from House. So what do I know?

  3. I haven’t seen any of those but loved the actor parade. Tom Selleck grew his mustache back? Thank god! Too bad he’s kind of an asshole about the whole gun thing. I too like Rob Morrow and his scruff.

    While William Shatner doesn’t fit the hotness factor, I have to love him just because he’s Captain Kirk damn it.

  4. I just watched Undercovers. Boris Kodjoe is muy caliente! The locations are gorgeous. The wife is gorgeous. Their house is gorgeous. The whole show is eye candy. Except for the annoying Ben Schwartz toadie character.

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