The Great Cocky & Rude Purity Test

How pure are you… really?  There’s only one way to find out!  Below is a list of 100 questions.  For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point.  When you reach #100, add up your points, and post your total in the comments section.  Then we’ll all know the truth!


1. Masturbated?
2. Been caught masturbating?
3. Masturbated in front of a pet?
4. Purchased print pornography?
5. Purchased video pornography?
6. Looked at pornography on the Internet?
7. Stored more than 26.13 GB of porn on your computer?
8. Masturbated in a public restroom?
9. Masturbated outdoors?
10. Masturbated while steering a moving vehicle?
11. Paid for Internet pornography?
12. Tasted your own orgasmic liquids?
13. Inserted your finger into your rectum?
14. Performed oral sex on yourself? (Or tried REALLY hard to reach?)
15. Masturbated with a piece of fruit or vegetable?
16. Committed an act of exhibitionism (like moon, streak, or flash)?
17. Shaved your pubic hair?
18. Gone skinny dipping?
19. Been on a date?
20. Been on a blind date?
21. Told someone that you loved them?
22. Been out on a date later than 1am?
23. Kissed on the first date?
24. Had or given a hickey?
25. Kissed for more than 2 hours consecutively?
26. Been naked with another person?
27. Been naked and sexually aroused in front of another person?
28. Had oral sex on the first date?
29. Had vaginal sex on the first date?
30. Had anal sex on the first date?
31. Given or received oral sex?
32. Given or received vaginal sex?
33. Given or received anal sex?
34. Had sex without a condom?
35. Had sex with a virgin?
36. Had sex in a car?
37. Had sex while a pet stared at you?
38. Had sex underwater (pool, bath tub, etc.)?
39. Sniffed someone else’s underwear?
40. Stolen someone else’s underwear?
41. Worn someone else’s underwear?
42. Masturbated with another person in the room?
43. Mutually masturbated with another person?
44. Given or received oral sex in a moving car?
45. Had sex with multiple partners at the same time?
46. Hooked up with someone from the Internet for just sex?
47. Had sex with more than 1 person in a single day?
48. Had anonymous sex?
49. Tasted someone else’s semen?
50. Given or received analingus?
51. Cheated on your partner?
52. Been engaged or married?
53. Committed adultery?
54. Had sex in public?
55. Been caught having sex?
56. Gone 69?
57. Impregnated a woman, or been pregnant?
58. Given birth to, or fathered a child?
59. Used a sex toy?
60. Had sex with a minor?
61. Committed incest?
62. Engaged in bondage?
63. Given or received a fist, either vaginally or anally.
64. Committed bestiality?
65. Been tested for a sexually transmitted disease or infection?
66. Had an sexually transmitted disease or infection?
67. Tasted your own urine?
68. Peed on someone else?
69. Tasted someone else’s urine?
70. Tasted your own feces?
71. Tasted someone else’s feces?
72. Defecated somewhere other than a toilet?
73. Defecated on someone else?
74. Gone to a strip club?
75. Paid a prostitute for sex?
76. Received payment for sex?
77. Attended a peep show?
78. Visited a bath house, orgy club, or similar sex party?
79. Called a sex line?
80. Been drunk?
81. Been so drunk that you blacked out?
82. Been so drunk that you passed out?
83. Smoked tobacco?
84. Smoked pot or hashish?
85. Used cocaine?
86. Used LSD, PCP, heroin or Mushrooms?
87. Huffed an inhalant?
88. Shoplifted?
89. Plagiarized?
90. Punched someone in the face?
91. Kicked a guy in the testicles?
92. Stolen?
93. Bounced a check?
94. Killed an animal?
95. Committed breaking and entering?
96. Been ticketed for a moving violation?
97. Murdered someone either on purpose or by accident?
98. Been arrested?
99. Spent a night or more in jail?
100. Lied on this purity test?

Don’t forget to post your results in the comments, you filthy, impure slut!


55 thoughts on “The Great Cocky & Rude Purity Test”

  1. I am SHOCKED(!) that Justin didn’t point out the faulty instructions in this test! According to the instructions (as initially worded) we should all score 100, “For each question, give yourself a single point.”

    If I only give myself a point for questions I can answer yes to, then my score is 32. I will be PISSED if I scored lower than Enrico!!!!!

  2. My god. I’m as pure as Chris at 32. Probably doesn’t help that I was with the same guy from the time I was 19 and we were married and boring for most of it. And questions 67-73? Ewwwwwwww.

  3. 42! I’d like to thank the Academy and Manhunt for all their votes and help in achieving this magical score. If anyone needs help raising their score, let me know.

  4. Not that I want to make any assumptions… but I’m going to make an assumption and say that Polt may give Mikey a run for his money for the crown of most unpure.

  5. @Craig true…i want to know what the bottomingest bottom that ever did bottom has to report.

    I also want to know how Michelle M from San Diego has to report…

    I also think that Adam is splitting hairs. He might not have been fisted, but I do think that using a wine bottle in the same capacity does qualify

  6. I heard that’s why bottles of Corona have that little nubbin on the bottom. So that there is something to grip onto when you pull it out of vaginas and asses when people get a little frisky with them.

    Adam, care to shed some light?

  7. I’m a smidge disappointed, i only scored a 77. I thought it’d be a lot higher. And let’s recall, contrary to what some say, I got that score without bottoming. Imagine my score if only I ever had! 🙂


  8. Wow, i just went back and read the answers. So only mikey and Michelle and I got over 50? What the HELL have you other people been doing, living in monestaries? No, come to think of it, that’d probably amke your scores higher! 🙂

    I think a question should have been added about licking fences where there’s a buttprint. Just sayin….


  9. Craiggers, I’m disappointed! I only got about 75% of the possible score! That’s like a C rating! Surely I should rate at least a high “B”, if not an “A”, on a non-purity test, ya know??? 🙂


  10. Do people really go on blind dates anymore? Is an internet date a blind date now? I feel like the traditional definition of a blind date is a set up through a friend where you hardly have any information about the other person. An internet date isn’t really blind since you can speak to the person yourself for quite a while before meeting them on an actual date. Thoughts?

    Justin: Adam is as pure as the alcohol my mom drank when she was pregnant with me! The only thing he fudges are his fingers!

  11. I agree with you Craig. Blind means going into it knowing nothing about the other person. Although that could fit most Craig’s List hook-ups, but I’ll say the two daters in question have a mutual acquaintance. Hopefully not one of your parents. (not YOUR parents, but a parent in general because that’s squicky)

    I’d think that would have to be a pretty big tampon to absorb enough alcohol to get you drunk. But it might encourage your man to … um, you know. A little added incentive if it smells and tastes like Glenfiddich. Didn’t Law and Order have an episode where a woman died from putting cocaine in her hooha?

  12. Since Adam & Mikey insisted I post my score, I got a 60. All without paying for sex, Mush. I’ve also never committed any major crimes, unless you count homosex when I was living in South Carolina. At the time that was a felony – “the nefarious crime of buggery”, according to state law – and punishable by up to 10 years in prison and a $10K fine.

  13. I don’t think an internet date is a blind date, for the reasons you said Craiggers. However, if it’s just an internet hookup, then you may not know much about the other person…except for stats. 🙂 But then that would be a hookup and not a date, now wouldn’t it?:)

    76? Whew….close, but I still reign supreme! 🙂


  14. 39!


    I like how the questions go from sex to thievery to fucking MURDER! I also like how the photo next to the question about murder is a woman with the biggest & phoniest chesticlez I have ever seen. Bitch could murder someone wiff those flesh boulderz.

  15. Tony, Kris’s roommate took the test, he got a 72. He’s a total babe in the woods and he got a 72! (even though he said “it’s the defecation ones that screwed me.” teehee) What the HELL is wrong with all you other people????


  16. Justin said I had to come do this, so I scored a 77. I feel strongly compelled to specify exactly which 23 things I haven’t done, but thankfully the vagina questions upped my purity. It looks like I’m going to have to kill someone or sleep with a chick if I hope to beat Polt.

  17. My score is 76/77 depending on your definition of adultery in q 53. Assuming that it’s taken to mean “having sex with a married person in the absence of their partner”, I score the point *blush*.

    As for the rest, it’s mainly down to never having had control of a moving vehicle with an engine, being alergic to vaginas, and barfing at the sight or smell of scat.

  18. Goodness. I had no idea that you were so compliant, Jere. The next time I see you I’ll have to see if there are other things I can order you to do. Maybe too much law school work and too little sleep has made you easily suggestible 😉

    Richard (twitter friend of mine from Birmingham in the UK) is almost my age; his high score makes sense. When he and I were IMing just now he told another tweep (who had just tweeted he was bored) and who is less than half my age about this quiz. He just scored 64 😛

  19. Jere, if we sleep together, that’ll up both our scores at the same time, right? Right? Even if I’m not right, we can still sleep together anyway, right? Right???? 🙂


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