Are You Ready for Some Football? Hell no!

As someone who grew up in a household full to the brim with dudes who had to prove their masculine dominance by watching sports, I have grown to hate them with somewhat of a passion. It seems that just as one season of baseball is winding down, the damn idiots in big uniforms start to dominate the headlines. If I ruled the world, these kinds of legislated and regulated pissing contests would be eliminated or at least not televised. Like Adam I do have some sports that I do enjoy watching and occasionally even playing them. Check them out:

Soccer
In the aforementioned testosterone saturated home, there was one sport that involved every member of the family and that I actually enjoyed. That was soccer. My father was a coach and a referee, my mother was a coach and an MVP award winning player, all three of my brothers played, and I myself played up until I was about fourteen. Even today I find the sport engaging for some odd reason and I can actually be roped into watching a match here or there. I think that my non-conformist nature loves the fact that soccer was considered so un-American for a long time!

Trivial Pursuit
This is my absolute favorite board game of all time. It is also one of the few things I get incredibly competitive over. Every time I fall into a wiki-hole, I crawl out with one thought in my head: I hope that comes up in my next game of trivial pursuit. This also relates to my childhood. I could never keep up with my brothers on the athletic field, but I could always beat them in on the battlefield of knowledge. Sometimes that field was Trivial Pursuit, and I loved to dominate. I was so good at it that my brothers were convinced I spent my off hours studying the answers on each card just to beat them.

Hardcore Gay Porn
This is a competition I can watch over and over again. The number of players, their positions, and rules may vary from match to match, but after every one I feel entertained and satisfied. What more can you ask for from a sporting event?

So there they are folks. Those are the sports I can stomach: Soccer, Trivial Pursuit, and Hardcore Gay Porn. Are there any sports you find secretly arousing?

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22 thoughts on “Are You Ready for Some Football? Hell no!”

  1. LOL I would struggle with coming up with a wity comment but I’ve decided *I* need to sleep 😉

    (As for “secretly arousing sports” there are a lot of them — basketball, beach volleyball, rowing, diving … gymnastics ….)

    (Do you *really* feel satisfied from every “hardcore” gay porn you watch? Honestly some are just not that good …)

    *yawn*

    Bedtime! 😀

  2. Soccer bores me. Anything that can end in a 0-0 tie after hours of play isn’t a real game to me.

    I love Trivial Pursuit, although as I’ve grown older my recall of trivia has withered. Now I just get more frsutrated than anything.

    I prefer to participate in hardcore gay porn rather than watch it.

    HUGS…

  3. Ohhh. I LOVE Trivial Pursuit. Haven’t played in years so you’d whip my ass.

    Justin made a good point. Beach volleyball is NICE. Diving as well.

    I’m thinking the porn is more satisfying as a player than an observer, but hey, maybe you’re hand is really talented.

    As a Canadian I’m kind of obliged to like hockey and sweaty shirtless boys after the game does have an appeal. As long as they leave the mouthpiece in because seriously, half of them have had most of their teeth knocked out by the time they hit the big leagues.

  4. I’ve seen “Polt’s bucket ‘o porn” in real life. It’s massive. However if you’re counting GBs on a computer that might sway the results in the young’un’s favour, being all technologically savvy as kids are these days.

    I’ve never quite seen the use in downloading. Maybe I have a short attention span, but once I’ve seen it? Done. Bored. Next. Watching it for free is easier and if customs searches my laptop I’m golden. 😀

  5. It helps that Adam and Mikey both offered to help me MAKE more porn just to raise my GB numbers.*

    Really? I can use the same clips all the time. If they were VHS they would be wooooooorn ooouuut.

    *No they didn’t.

  6. Maybe it’s a guy thing? I don’t know but (passing into TMI territory) there are only a few that have captured my interest more than once. Not that I spend HOURS surfing porn. Really. So maybe I just haven’t found my niche yet. 😀 I’ll keep looking.

  7. I’ve heard that soccer can be exciting, but I don’t watch any sports. I do, however, like Trivial Pursuit, but I like Cranium more. “Tub of Porn” I’m not sure what to make of that, but I find it funny.

  8. I’ve seen a few soccor gay pornos…those were pretty damn interesting.

    Back in the old days Tam, one had to purchase a VHS tape to see any gay porn, as there wasn’t any such thing at teh Interwebs, nor was there a Netflix for porn. One just had to hope that what looked good on the covered carried over into good on tape…which wasn’t always the case. Nonetheless, since tapes were expensive, it wasn’t economically feasible to go out and buy a new tape every time, so one had to watch, and rewatch all the tapes one had…or at least the good ones.

    Hence, the Tub O’Porn.

    Having seen the tub, Tam, remember that when I moved out of the apartment, I gave away sic large garbage bags full of gay porn tapes that I didn’t want anymore. That’s enough to fill probably two equally sized Tubs O’Porn. That’s why I say I can beat Craiggers’ total.

    And that doesn’t even count the DVD’s. Or all those magazines I got over the years.

    All I can say is, thank GOD for the Internet! Free high speed Internet porn has saved me a FORTUNE on porn. That’s how I saved up enough for a down payment on a house!

    HUGS….

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