Last Friday night, I had a dream that I kissed M. Night Shyamalan. It wasn’t an open-mouth, tongue kiss or anything, just a few little pecks. Actually, I think that Dream Adam tried to go a little further, but M. Night wasn’t interested. I guess he was too much of a gentleman.
I almost never have romantic dreams. Honestly, this is probably the most dream-action I’ve gotten in years. I’ve always been jealous of people that have big crazy sex dreams. A no regret, no disease tryst in the middle of sleepy time? What could be better? (Other than sexitime with M. Night Shyamalan in real life?!)
0:08 – Check out this mildly attractive doofus. He has sex dreams! Jealous!
0:10 – I like his t-shirt, but why does he have so many things plugged into that electrical outlet? Fire hazard!
0:19 – I don’t need any of these things because I never have sex dreams. ((cries))
0:21 – Is that lube on his bedside table? Oh, wait … it’s just contact lens solution.
0:39 – OMG that girl has horns!
0:41 – mildly attractive doofus needs to do more sit-ups … and he needs to clean up his bedroom before making web videos.
0:51 – Eww! Where’d his chin go?!
1:10 – Maybe I don’t feel like I am being ignored and/or fear being abandoned? No, that can’t be right.
1:22 – Bewbz represent nurturance and sexual arousal? I’m so confused! I thought p33n did that?!
1:28 – So … for homosexual people, does straight sexitime represent self love? That doesn’t seem right…
1:35 – Why do expectant fathers have homogay dreams? I bet it’s because they’re so grossed out by the giant seed of Satan in their ladyfriend’s enormously fat belly that they secretly wanna switch to the cool team.
1:40 – Mildly attractive doofus has weird handwriting.
1:46 – And he writes all of his letters backwards! What’s with that?!
1:52 – Yay! Mildly attractive doofus has sex dreams that star his cross-dressing tranny brother/sister!
My fingers are cross that I’ll have another dream-date with M. Night Shyamalan soon. Hopefully on our second date he won’t be such a prude! Then I’ll be able to use everything I learned in this helpful video to make sense out of all of my strange feelings! M. is probably a gentle lover, but I’m sure that every sexitime encounter would have to end with a predictable twist ending. Either that, or he has to do about 10 minutes of tai-chi before showing me his superpower.
Now I wanna hear all about your sex dreams (preferably the homogay kind). Please remember to include a detailed description of hot celebrity penises. Thanks!