I Rode to Rhode Island

With immediate apologies to John, who always dresses like a bunny.

On Friday of last week, two friends and I took a drive to Newport, Rhode Island.  Or if anyone that I work with asks, just tell them that I had a stomach bug (cuz I called in sick).  Here’s what we did…

aAfter a loooooong drive through New York and Connecticut, we arrived in Rhode Island after nearly five hours.  Rhode Island is a tiny, backwards state, where license plates have as few as two characters.  Pictured above is one of the two giant bridges into Newport, RI.

One of the beaches in Newport is Easton Beach.  As someone who is used to the clean, giant beaches of New Jersey, Easton Beach appeared tiny, dirty and gross.  The sand was dirt-colored, and the water was teaming with red algae (or sea weed?) that made it look muddy.  Eww!

Next to the gross beach is the Newport Cliff Walk.  It boasts amazing views (like the one above) of cliffs and water.  So beautiful!

Here I am along the Cliff Walk with my best friend, Jennifer Aniston (aka my friend didn’t want her photo on Cocky & Rude).  Normally I would just not post this photo, but I was look’n really sexy that day.  Try not to drool (too much).

Along the Cliff Walk, there are also bunches of my future homes mansions.  You are able to tour many of these mansions, but we didn’t waste our time poking around the homes of rich dead people…

Because we went to a Jamie Cullum concert!  Our seats were not all that close … so my super-zoomed photos are quite blurry.  In this one, it looks like Jamie is turning into The Hulk.

Jamie was in Newport to open this year’s Newport Jazz Fest.  The concert was at the fancy shmancy International Tennis Hall of Fame.  Cullum is one of my favorite artists, and the concert did not disappoint.  Here’s a photo of him dangling from some stage crap while singing sweet love songs to the audience only me.

Newport is also known for its fancy shops, overpriced restaurants, and walking stereotypes.  The required uniform for all poser male Newport visitors (aged 18-25) are khaki pants/shorts and a polo shirt with a popped collar.  Hair gel, public drunkenness and a low IQ are preferred.

Pictured above is the Seamen’s Church Institute of Newport.  Hehehehe “Seamen”

The next day we woke up early, and fled that creepy state.  As punishment for enjoying the concert, we were forced to sit in Connecticut traffic for an extra hour (at least there was extra time to play Would You Do Them?).  But even though our vacation lasted only 2 days and we spent over 11 hours in the car, it was still a great trip!  The concert was fantastic, and laughing at the dirty phonies laying on a filthy beach was fun!  Yay, Newport, RI!

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13 thoughts on “I Rode to Rhode Island”

  1. Pfft. You should totally come to Maine. I could take you to our little beach, where you have to be escorted by a local and only go in the water if you want your testicles to retreat to somewhere around the middle of your throat. And then there’s Ogunquit a short distance up the coast, where it’s all gay boys and Quebeckers (feat. hella traffic jam) in the summer.

  2. Mel has a gorgeous beach, and traffic.

    I thought his name sounded familiar so I clicked on his link. Yep. I saw him in Barcelona. A couple of years ago I was there for work and Blackberry had a HUGE reception (feat. unlimited booze in a castle) and they always have live entertainment and it was Jamie Cullum. I was really close, like 10 feet away. He didn’t play for long but he was very entertaining, mostly just played the piano and sang since it was an “intimate” setting.

    Glad you had a fun time (feat. hours and hours of driving). Oh and you do look particularly handsome there. More than usual I mean.

  3. Agreed re: handsome photo with Jennifer. Is it true that she wants to have your baby?

    Ok…you laugh about the Seaman, but did you notice that it was founded by the Wetmores? LOL

  4. Ladyparts? You mean like cooking utensils?

    Looks like fun! I loved Providence and Newport when I went a couple years ago. The Cliff Walk was particularly amazing. Me and my friend Robin want to plan another trip to see WaterFire in Providence in the next month or so.I highly recommend it! I believe our bunny friend does also.

  5. RUDE! There is more to RI than a dirty beach and the Doucheoise that hang in Newport (by the way, my nephews were raised on Aquidneck and even they recognize the horror of khaki shorts and popped collars).

    Plus, you didn’t even see me. Ass.

    Waterfire is nice, but a little crowded and smokey at times. I like it in the early fall when the heat isn’t as unbearable as it has been lately.

  6. Ladyparts? You mean like cooking utensils? – BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA, Oh Craiggers just when I thought it wasn’t possibly for me to want you anymore, you say this! 🙂

    11 hours on a trip to freakin Rhode Island???? Couldn’t have driven over every freakin’ road in that small state in less time than that? Geez, 12 hours will get you from west of Toronto to Long Island (with a detour into Connecticut, apparently). Why waste that time going to Rhode Island? Go to Toronto instead.

    Course, if you were going to see john, well that certainly would NOT be a waste of the time, but well, WELL worth it!

    HUGS>..

  7. Ooh a trip to the land of john! Next time drop in and see him – I bet he’s a lot more fun than Jamie whatshisname.

    I guess I’ll have to have two little ginger babies, since Tam is over it.

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