Puntabulous Pool Party: Part One

As most of you already know, last Saturday was the biggest event of the season!  And no!  I’m not talking about horse-faced Chelsea Clinton’s big, stupid, overpriced wedding (seriously, why would anyone waste so much money?!).  I’m talking about the Puntabulous Pool Party!  Here’s what went down…

I left Ringoes, NJ at 11:30am, thinking that it wouldn’t take any more than 2.5 hours to get from here to East Islip, NY, with a pit stop in Queens to pick up Mikey.  Here’s a shot that I took right before I entered the Holland Tunnel … when I was still on time.

Traffic in NYC was shitty.  The minutes clicked by and I became later and later.  When my GPS seemed to be taking me in the wrong direction, I called Mikey on the telephone.  Our conversation went like this:

Adam: I think I’m heading in the wrong direction.

Mikey: No, no, no, you’re heading in the right direction!

Adam: I’m at my destination … and I’m in Brooklyn.

Mikey: Oh crap, I’m an idiot!

So after I turned around and began heading in the right direction, I found the hard way that talking on your cell phone while driving in NYC is a bad thing.  A $130 sorta bad thing.  UGH!

Finally I picked up Mike (at approx. 2PM — the time we had hoped to arrive in East Islip) and headed for Long Island.

Because we were so early for the party already an hour and 3/4 late for the party, we decided to go find Mikey’s childhood home.  It was unclear to me which one it was, so he decided to point at it.

Finally we arrived at the part (almost 2 hours late! doh!) and everyone greeted us with a standing ovation and a giant round of applause.  For some reason, Justin filmed the whole thing.


I didn’t take any photos for a while, so I’m cheating by showing this one to you next.  For most of the party, everyone sat around and talked about how smart, funny, cute and all around cool I am.  It went something like this (in order from left to right):

Paul: OMG, everything Adam says is so funny!

Harry: Adam is more awesome than math.

Michelle: His blog is the best one on the ‘net!

Polt: He’s so smart! HUGS…

Nathan: He’s pretty cute too, Eh?

Kristen: He is! Eh?

Tam: He’s just awesome! Eh?

VUBOQ: He’s alright…

Chris: He’s just all around cool, don’t you think?

David: Forget Mikey, Adam is my favorite!

Jere: I think he’s the cutest guy here!

In Long Island, people like to have park benches in their back yard … so we gave one to Craig’s parents.  Craig left the tag on it in case they wanted to return it.

Speaking of Craig, he spent most of the party playing host.

Craig: Would you like something to drink?  Can I top off your beverage?  Would you like more ice? Can I take your plate?  Are you finished with that?  Can I give you a BJ?

He didn’t actually say one of those things.  And hey, look!  There’s FDot in the background!

At one point I handed my photo over to Tam’s daughter, Kristen, and told her to take photos of people’s croches.  Here’s Craig‘s croch.

And mine, featuring skin possessing the absence of all Melanin.

And here are Jere‘s, Paul’s and Harry’s sexy bulges.  Remember that you can click to enlarge these photos for your viewing pleasure.

Then everyone decided it was time to get undressed and show of their beach bods.  Here I am, showing off my giant bazooms, standing next to a muscley Craig.  He plays an instrument?!  Swoon!

Here’s Michelle and her husband, Harry.  Such a cute couple!

Here I am standing next to Mikey.  I’m not really a b00b man, but his are making my loincloth area feel all sortsa funny.

Awww Craig & Justin!  They look so cute together!

And so we’ve reached the end of the Pool Party: Part One!  Stay tuned tomorrow for the dramatic conclusion (featuring spousal abuse, licking, boob grabs, hugs, and sexy sandwiches).  How’s that for a teaser?!

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24 thoughts on “Puntabulous Pool Party: Part One”

  1. I can’t believe you told Kristen to take pictures of people’s crotches. A ball of class you.

    I also see that Natalie Portman, Craig’s wife, made an appearance. It’s good that he let her out of the garage.

    Nice pics, I can’t wait so see round two.

  2. I can’t believe she took them. Sheesh. I’m so embarrassed.

    You win the prize for first pool party update. I must get working on that.

    We were like the Canadian corner in that picture. LOL

  3. I take offense to that! I never said “Are you finished with that?” GAH!

    Mmmmm…crotches.

    Also, please note that the picture of me and Adam with the hula cutout is the only one without the random creepy third hand coming out from behind. We’re pros!

  4. @adam to be more accurate, you asked if one would take the Manhattan Bridge and I said that one could…and throughout that call I kept saying “well you could go that way…” I also don’t drive…so there

    I’m offended that my crotch was omitted from this series. Most likely because its bulginess would incite a riot

  5. I too was ommitted from the crotchapalooza. Perhaps the fact that I was in a bathing suit most of the time had something to do with it. We want to keep the G-rating here, right?

  6. Hilarious post, Adam. 🙂 I’m surprised I didn’t think to take pictures of peoples’ crotches. I did get several of Craig’s butt though — mostly because he was such an attentive host and rushing around to ask people if they wanted a new drink or burger or cake or cookies or pizza because nobody seemed to have burst from the inside out yet — so his butt often interposed itself between me and whatever I was taking a picture of.

    Bee Tee Double-you. Could you fix all my links to make them “theJJMG” instead of my boring second twiter account “iustinianus”? Thanks — you’re a doll!!

    Hey! Stop blowing that whistle!! 😉

  7. @John Oh Natalie will make quite the appearance in tomorrow’s post 🙂

    @Tam Kristen was a lovely girl, but now I’ve corrupted her. Sorry!

    @Justin yes, I got a ticket, and yes I updated your links. You’re so demanding!

    @Craig I think you’re the only pro … cuz my creepy 3rd hand was holding on in a later photo.

  8. I’m pretty sure my crotch wasn’t featured cause Kristin couldn’t get it all in one shot without a panoramic lens. Yeah, that’s it.

    Obviously, I said the “He’s so smart” comment before I heard the story about your drive there. And the ticket.

    Great job so far! Even greater meeting you.

    HUGS…

  9. I figured it would take me between 1.5 to 2 hours to get to Craig’s place. I think my GPS conspired against me, and put me on local roads due to a traffic avoidance algorithm. It took me over 3 hours to get there. Next time I think I will turn traffic off. 😉

    Sorry to hear about the ticket. I think that even in NJ you can get a ticked for not using a hands free device.

    Kristen is quite the crotchographer. 😉

  10. You two are too funny. I love the “HUGS” and ehs. Kristen is going to have an interesting essay on what she did on her summer vacation.

    Sorry to hear about your ticket, Mikey. That sucks.

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