Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser: Week 2

The time has come for our biggest adventure yet: Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser. Welcome back to our weekly weight loss adventure. Another week has passed and our contestants are chomping at the bit, because that is the only way they can keep from eating food. Last week, Adam was the victor. Can he maintain his lead or will his diet of twigs and berries fail him? Let’s find out!

Mikey packs on the baby fat with his cheesecak
e diet.

Mikey: I was on vacation during most of this past week. I also apparently took a vacation from moving since I can’t really remember any actual exercise having been done. I do recall returning to work on Tuesday and being so depressed that I ate cheesecake for breakfast and lunch. Yay! I gained back what I lost! I am celebrating with Indian food!

Adam: In the past week I’ve consumed approximately 15 pieces of fruit, 9 salads, zero desserts, exercised approximately 4 times, and lost 3.5 pounds. I’ve also contracted a virus that has caused snot to launch from my body in amazing quantities, my head to ache, and an annoying cough to eminate from my mouth every 10 seconds. Let this be a lesson to you all. If you lose more than 3 pounds a week, you will get sick and feel like shit. That said, I’m going to beat you all! Ha!

Spring: Prrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. *SCRATCH!*

Polt ate so many tacos that his camera turned yellow.

Polt: This week, despite the 45 minute walk I took last night (also the only bit of actual exercise I’ve done for months), I gained one more pound, for a grand total of two gained so far in the contest. I guess maybe I’m taking a trying to give Enrico a run for his money? Also, apparently, my ‘tacos all the time, every time diet” (see below) isn’t working. I may have to rethink my strategy.

Our three favorite Showgirls!

Michelle #1: So, after gaining weight I decided to take some advice from my friends Cristal and Nomi. Brown rice and veggies next week. Because there’s always someone younger and hungrier coming down the stairs after you.

Matt: Well it looks like I succeeded in breaking even. Which isn’t bad since I just got back from the beach. But I’m hungry and tired and stressed. And that’s when I’m supposed to eat cake! It’s a vicious spare tire of a cycle. Maybe if I stop eating altogether…

Where is Enrico hiding those 10 pounds?

Enrico: This week, I stuck to my weight gain goals and ate 2 boxes of Chips Ahoy cookies (with whole milk of course), 4 personal pizzas from Target (MMMMM!), 5 boxes of Vermont White Cheddar Wheat Thins, 3 whole baguettes from Panera, lots of pasta for dinner, and an assortment of junk food. And the results are amazing; I’ve gained ten pounds and my ribs are showing a tiny bit less than they were last week! With each passing day of binge eating, I feel myself going from Aunt Spiker to Aunt Sponge, from Perez ’10 to Perez ’07, from Brittany Murphy (RIP!) to Simon Monjack (RIP)! Look out world, here comes MAMA!

Michelle #2: I have decided to perceive this as a community-building experience, rather than a health-based experience. Because I’ve been eating dinner at midnight and going immediately to sleep, I’ve just begun to resemble a pear, and this contest is way more fun than the diet itself. (Michelle #2 did not submit her weight % this week, and therefore will not be counted in this week’s placing).

And without further ado, here are the results for
the second week of Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser:

Contestant % Lost Place
Enrico -9.09%* Biggest Cock!
Adam 3.39% 2nd Place!
Matt 1.00% 3rd Place!
Mike & Spring 0.00% 4rd Place!
Polt -0.77% 5th Place!
Michelle #1 -1.79% Rudest Loser!

*Enrico is playing a game of Bizzaro Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser.  Since his goal is to actually GAIN weight, he placed first this week!

Two weeks down, but lots more to go! Do you think that Adam will be able to continue losing weight at such an unhealthy a phenomenal rate?  Will Enrico double his body weight by the end of the competition?  Will Michelle #1’s new diet of brown rice and veggies put her in the ‘Biggest Cock’ position?  Will Polt ever stop eating tacos??  We’ll find out that and more, next week!

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15 thoughts on “Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser: Week 2”

  1. I’ve finally pretty much gotten rid of my vacation weight. So now I just need to lose 8 or 9 more pounds before my annual checkup in 3 weeks. Seeing as my training schedule is going to have me running progressively more each week, I think it may be doable.

  2. If Adam is going to contract a parasite every week just so he can beat me, I’m going to have a LAP band installed.

  3. I am very proud that I only gained back what I originally lost actually….You all better watch out. This week I’m switching from the cheesecake diet to the carrot cake diet!!! watch the pounds melt away!

  4. You mean Enrico hasn’t ALREADY doubled his weight?

    And just a question, which I probably should already know and probably should ask somewhere else, but whatever, in the % lost coloumn, is that % lost overall since the beginning or just since last week.

    And a specail shoutout to Michelle #1 for ensuring I wasn’t the Rudest Loser two weeks in a row. At least not yet.

    HUGS…

  5. I am on week 2 of my 100 push ups work out and I have to say it is getting easier. I’ve not lost any weight, but I do notice a change. I’m still a little more moobish than pectacular, but it is only week 2.

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