Inventing a new sport, cutting off limbs, bleeding, alien encounters, bone loving, tree fu¢king, crotch patching and leaving your friend shackled in the woods to die? All in a day’s fun for Adam and Mikey! But what happened … (dramatic pause) … after they left the woods?
As Adam and Mikey exited the woods, they discovered caged cock near the side of a road. After a brief birdnapping attempt, Mikey and Adam decided that neither of them were experienced enough in cock wrangling to bring their plan to completion. Before they left, the cock spit all over their faces.
As Adam drove to his house, Mikey was amazed to find that farms still exist in the Garden State.
As the boys entered Adam’s house, they were greeted by everyone’s favorite C&R Mascot: Spring! Adam quickly swept her up in a plastic bag and swung her around over his head.
“Prrrrr! I’ll destroy you all in the Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser contest … if Adam doesn’t suffocate me first!”
Spring then hopped inside of a box, and attacked Adam’s (recently regenerated) arm.
Mikey then proceeded to eat Adam’s cock. No you perv! Not his real cock — his plastic wrapped, penis-shaped, vegan, birthday Golden Grahams (Rice Crispy-style) treat “cake” with crushed Oreo Cookie pubic hair! DUH!
After Adam snatched his cock back from Mikey’s grasp, the boys went to dinner in Lambertville, NJ. They had invited Joshrico to join them, but Josh was spending the weekend in the city, and Enrico had headed home to visit his family. Mikey whined the whole time about his hiking boo-boos. Adam did not order a beverage — there were plenty of Mikey’s tears to keep him well-hydrated.After dinner, Adam and Mikey trudged across the bridge into a foreign land filled with ancient gay men that walk hand-in-hand (New Hope, PA). Here’s a beautiful shot of the Delaware, right before Mikey tried to toss Adam over the side of the bridge.
In the center of town there is a giant metal penis and a pile of balls. Adam and Mikey were amazed at such a sight … If only the boys knew that they were about to have three, yes THREE celebrity sightings!
C&R’s Cockarazzi Celebrity Sighting #1: Do you see that sexy piece of ass in the center of the photo? the one with dimpled flub-o legs and a black witch’s dress? No, that’s not just your regular Walmart trash … that’s Snooki from Jersey Shore!
Grossed out by that sweaty mess of unsexy perspiration dribbling through the back of Mikey’s shirt (featuring killer epaulettes)? LOOK CLOSER!
C&R’s Cockarazzi Celebrity Sighting #2: That’s Jesus Christ, the cockiest & rudest lord & savior that there ever was! Our hero! Yay!
Flabbergasted by their celebrity sightings, the boys headed back to Adam’s car. As they crossed the bridge back into Lambertville, NJ, the boys heard the sound of awful, eardrum shattering tween music. C&R’s Cockarazzi Celebrity Sighting #3: It was none other than Justin Bieber and a pack of feathered Bieberians squawking under the bridge! ♪ ♫ There’s gunna be one less lonely guuurrrlll, Honk, Honk, Honk! ♬♭
As the day drew to a close, Adam drove Mikey all the way to his parent’s house in South Jersey. The trip took hours and the boys passed the time by gossiping about other bloggers, being mean, incorrectly (Mikey) and correctly (Adam) identifying the singers of pop music, singing along amazing well (Adam) and off-key (Mikey), and telling deep dark secretsssss. I’m sure you’d like to hear ALL about them, but those are all blogs for another day.
They hope that you enjoyed their adventure! Note: Please feel free to complain about Adam’s sacrilege (specifically the Justin Bieber & Snooki stuff) in the comments below.