Up Close and Personal

graphic by Adam

Every now and then Adam and I like to search for random things on YouTube.  It generally leads to boring video clips produced by hacks, but occasionally we find some true gems in the mix.  Todays clips fall into the later category.

One day Adam asked me to tell him how his junk works.  I was shocked and appalled that a man of his age and station did not get the proper sexual education that he should have.  I also laughed uncontrollably for about ten minutes until I passed out from lack of oxygen.  When I came to, Adam had given up on getting advice from me and turned to a curious boys best friend: the internet.  When he searched for penis, he got the following clip: Penis Education Clip Number 1 (clips are linked in rather than embedded since they might be NSFW).

Summary of what went through his brain as he viewed it.

0:12 This seems like a professional medical video. This should be informative

0:29 Wait! What is this crazy bitch doing to the penis? AHHH…no…do not do that!!!

0:50 Urine collecting hat? Seriously…am I supposed to have one of those just lying around?

1:14 “Void into the hat” sounds like a bad metaphor from a rejected Dr Seuss tale

1:39 Why are we lubricating this catheter again? 6 to 8 inches sounds familiar though

1:59 If you are using an anti-bacterial wipe on your penis, it has probably gotten a little to familiar with some nasty people

2:15 OMG…why did I continue to watch this??? They are sticking things into the penis AGAIN!

2:45 Reused for 1-2 months? You expect people to do this again?

At this point Adam gave up and decided to see if he could find something more in line with his own comfort level. His next search lead him to the clip linked below, which he thought would be promising from big penis on display. He was wrong. Penis Education Clip Number 2 (clips are linked in rather than embedded since they might be NSFW)

Again, we recreate Adam’s thoughts as they happened

0:02 It says Hernias on the screen. Is that a long lost Harry Potter character?

0:16 Ok… the doctor is going to show me all the fun things about my penis.

0:43 Did he say “rape the patient appropriately?” There is no way to do such a thing.

1:00 Um…okay

1:12 That is a giant asshole flexing in my face. Great….

1:22 Yea…I’m sure he’ll feel some pressure!

1:49 I think the doctor really loves doing this. He’s just hanging out in that rectum

2:10 Twist and turn your finger until the male ejaculates, right? I know this one!

2:55 After that you stick your finger up his ass, you are going to make him clean it up himself??? rude!!!

After all was said and done, Adam didn’t have any more knowledge about his junk than he did before he set out for more information. I revamped an old adage my mother used to use: Do unto other penises as you would do unto your own. I don’t think he was satisfied with my help.


13 thoughts on “Up Close and Personal”

  1. The link to the second clip is missing. And no way am I wearing that hat, even if you wash it out. I don’t care how hot it is out. I wince in sympathy with the poor man.

    Love the little eye on him though. He looks happy.

  2. That was like medical porn. He needs to wax.

    What’s funny is when you click to the video it tells you that you have to be registered because it’s an adult piece, but yet the picture it’s frozen on is the one with his finger up his butt. LOL So you’ve already shown the poor innocent 9 year old child what it’s all about. Ooops.

  3. “Self-Catheterization” two words I never want to hear my doctor say to me.

    Mikey: “Twist and turn your finger until the male ejaculates, right? I know this one!” Made me laugh out loud! I’m so glad I didn’t watch that video. Now that I’m over 40 I’m familiar enough with the process.

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