Ikea is my favorite place in all of the world. I would like to someday sleep at, get married at, and have my ashes spread at Ikea. I often debate moving closer to an Ikea so I could give up my “career” and just assemble furniture for a living. Hey, we all have dreams. Mine are just associated with a retailer that sells flat pack furniture, accessories, and bathroom and kitchen items in their retail stores around the world. Don’t judge me.
One of many random reasons that I love Ikea is their usage of weird instructional diagrams. Often they utilize odd little naked doodle-people to remind you that you can call the store for assembly instructions, that you should team-lift a heavy box, or a variety of other obvious warnings. On a recent trip to Ikea, I picked up a little instructional guide that explains “how to hang your pictures,” which I’ve scanned and displayed below:
While Ikea offers concise and largely obvious instructions that accompany these sketches, I’ve decided that it’s better for me to write my own:
1. Remove all of your clothing, and lay your three pieces of art on the floor. The male should climb a nearby ladder and point at the art while the female sits on the floor and looks at the art. Notice that the female has two eyes on one side of her face.
2. The female who may have had a double mastectomy is now wearing only high boots. She does all the work to hang the art on walls, while the male stands back and fans her. Alternatively, he may be threatening to hit the female. Regardless, Both are happy.
3. The male, void of any genitalia and now displaying an impressive c-section scar, unravels a roll of tape to inspect the female’s work. Both seem pleased. A job well done!
Now we all know how to hang art on the wall. Thanks Ikea! I love you!