Welcome to the Friday Five, where I examine my five favorites of the week!
My friends, Friday is upon us. And what’s the best part of Friday? That the weekend starts tomorrow? Hell no! The weekend means that I need to start carrying heavy boxes and moving my ass outa town! The best part of Friday is the FRIDAY FIVE! Wooo, Wooooooooooo! (just like whistle tips!)
My first favorite of the week is Casey James! WAIT BEFORE YOU SAY ANYTHING, let me explain! He’s not my favorite because I’m attracted to his silly long hair and his oddly round face (yuck!), or because he’s super-talented (he’s REALLY not!), he’s my favorite because he’s a no-talent hack! Hurray for the dope that was able to make it to the final three. Sure, he’s a mediocre talent, but it’s his pretty-boy looks that kept him around far longer than he deserved to be competitively karaoke-ing. Alas, the music played him away this week and we’re down to the final 2. Yay, Idol is almost over! And what do we have planned to fill our Wednesday spot on the C&R Schedule? *teaser!* SOMETHING COLORFUL!
Ya know what else is almost over? Television as we know it! The network upfronts have been in full swing for over a week … and there has been no lack of TV news. After ONE THOUSAND YEARS, Law & Order is canceled! Law & Order: LA, coming soon! Heroes, canceled! Everything else? Either canceled or renewed! So exciting! Plus we’re in the middle of of May sweeps, so every show is rolling out the deaths, breakups, murders, surprising hookups, explosions, baby making, baby squirting, guest stars and reality show winners! It’s so exciting that I’ve been peeing my pants, squirting with tears and skipping sleep on a daily basis!
The biggest, most exciting finale of them all? Lost! (YES, I KNOW that it’s a total cheat to put Lost on the Friday Five (because it’s not on until Sunday), but it’s my list and I can cheat if I want to!) I’ve watched every episode of Lost about ten bazillion times, and if you’re curious about where I’ll be this Sunday evening … don’t be. I’ll be glued to the television, squirting with eyeball fountains and having the biggest nerdgasm since the final episode of The X-Files. Will they answer any of the big Lost questions that have been plaguing us for years? Who cares?! Whatever they do will be AWESOME. And if you disagree … I’ll go all smoke monster on your sorry ass.
So after all my TV shows end, what am I going to do this summer? I’m gonna watch tons of bad summer reality TV, Netflix movies and read a million books on my new Kindle! Or at least two! Ever since I burned out on the whole “reading” thing after scoring an English degree at Rugters, I haven’t read much of anything. I went from reading a thousand books a day to not reading. Since I gradumacated I’ve probably averaged 2-3 books a year. But I bought a Kindle yesterday … and I’m already 25% done with Sarah Silverman’s The Bedwetter: Stories of Courage, Redemption, and Pee! I’m a reading machine!
My final favorite for the week is a television show that was canceled a long time ago. It’s He-Man and the Masters of the Universe, or rather: Super Gay, Singing He-Man! Back in the 80’s while I was plopped in front of the tv on my bean bag chair, I was getting round and plump by eating and never exercising while watching Prince Adam, Skeletor and all their wacky adventures … I never realized that He-Man was a big flame’n homo! Check out this video of Adam singing Four Non Blondes’ What’s Going On, and realize the fabulous truth! I love this video!
And that’s it for the third week of May, 2010! Casey James is a hack, Television has gone crazy, Lost is ending, my Kindle made reading cool again and He-Man wants to know What’s Going On! Those are my five favorites for the week … what are yours? Sing like He-Man in the comments!