Get that shit off my plate!

I’m probably one of the most difficult eaters that you’ll ever meet.  I’m vegan, which means that don’t eat any animals or anything that ever pooped, squirted, plopped or was shaved off of an animal.  That’s right, no chicken, fish, beef, milk, eggs, cheese, bacon or any of that crap.  My body is a temple!  It’s only vegetables, carbs, potato chips, bread, sugar, soft pretzels, and GALLONS of diet soda and iced tea for me!  Super healthy! Yay!

Now besides all the food that I refuse to eat, there are a few foods that I REFUSE to eat.  I have no moral opposition to these foods, they just disgust me.  I wouldn’t touch them with a 39 and a half foot pole.

My number one, most hated food in the WHOLE world are pickles!  They’re green, wet, smell awful and taste even worse.  I can’t take the smell, the taste, and I can’t even look at them.  Disgusting!  I once ordered a veggie sub at a local deli, where they assured me that there would be no pickles on my sandwich.  When I got home, it was covered with pickles!  I had to throw it out!  Blechk!!!  When I go to a restaurant and a pickle comes on my plate, I remove it and everything that it touched immediately!  Extra napkins, please! I need to remove every drip of its disgusting pickle spooge from my plate!

At a close second for most disgusting food is mustard.  It’s yellow or brown, and it ruins every food that it touches.  Veggie burgers with yellow sludge on top?!  OMG no!  Get that crap off my food!  EWWW!

Other foods that I hate?  Off the top of my head: Cucumbers, Mayonnaise (it’s not vegan), pears, olives, beets, coffee (smells great, tastes awful), and coconut.  There are also foods that I used to hate, like mushrooms, Dr Pepper, asparagus and hot peppers that have gotten a reprieve over the years.

So what foods do you hate?  Are mine crazy?  Have any of your most hated foods gotten a stay of execution over the years?  Drink some pickle juice and tell me about ’em in the comments.

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11 thoughts on “Get that shit off my plate!”

  1. There are vegan mayos out there, you know.

    I’ll eat just about anything, so long as it’s ovolactoveg. In fact, tonight’s main course was vegan vegetable curry cooked in mustard oil (the naan had ghee, though). Totes nom. Also, I made some brine pickles last year (super simple – cukes salted so they’d sweat out water and then they undergo lactic acid fermentation from naturally occurring bacteria) and they’re soooo nom. But so super salty that I can only eat a slice or two at a time.

    About the only thing I really won’t eat is okra, but even that’s passable if it’s chopped up & cooked in vegetable soup.

  2. Peanut butter is my number one. I gagged on it as a little kid and haven’t touched it since. No peanut sauce, no peanut butter cookies, nothing. Peanuts in their whole state are fine, just once they are ground up the gag reflex kicks in. I was probably over 30 before I could even make a peanute butter sandwhich for myself.

    Others: mustard, mayo/miracle whip, creamy salad dressings or cream soups (any white stuff), olives, whipped cream, any brown soda, seafood, tuna … That’s about it. Therr are things I’d rather not eat but if I was served it at someone’s house I’d eat it to be polite. Even whipped cream and some seafood I CAN eat (deep frying covers a multitude of sins), but in general I’d have to find a way to pass on these and I can’t eat a burger or hot dog if it’s got mustart or mayo on it. Just can’t.

  3. I hate tomatoes, disgusting sloppy, goopy things. I will eat them cooked, but never raw. My other general rule is nothing from the sea.

  4. Mustard!
    Mayonnaise!
    Any seafood
    Eggs
    Cheese (unless it’s on a Dorito, Cheez-it or Cheeto)
    Cream cheese
    Pork/Lamb
    Coconut (aka baby toenail clippings)!
    Coffee!
    Tea
    Beets!
    Guacamole
    Olives!
    Mushrooms!

    I’m sure there are more…

    I do like pickles, though. But not sweet pickles, which are an abomination.

  5. Michelle: Cheese, Cream Cheese. Isn’t that redundant?

    I forgot Guacamole, disgusting baby cute. Oh and Adam, I say the same thing about coffee: how can something smell so good and taste so bad?

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