¡Hola mis amigos! ¡Por favor, enjoy-o de las Cinco de Friday!
Welcome to Cinco De Friday, where I examine my five favorites of the week! Yay, it’s Friday, and for me it’s the first day of a three-day weekend! The best part about working for a failing disaster of a company? Furlough Days! They’re great as long as you ignore the fact that you’re not getting paid… So what other great things happened this week? It’s such a coincidence that I can only think of Five!
Did you see the new preview for MACHETE? No? Then watch it now! Straight from the sick mind of Robert Rodriguez, comes this instant classic pulp flick (based on one of the fake trailers from Grindhouse) starring half of Hollywood! Seriously, this film has Danny Trejo, Michelle Rodriguez, Jessica Alba, Robert De Niro, Lindsay Lohan, Cheech Marin, Jeff Fahey (more on him in a second!), Steven Seagal, Don Johnson and Rose McGowan. Splashing blood, profanity, bouncing cars, Lilo dressed like a nun, … I can’t wait to fuck with the wrong Mexican!
[This paragraph contains SPOILERS!!! from this week’s episode of Lost] We didn’t see any splashing blood, but we did see LOTS OF DEATH ON LOST this week! First Sayid died again (this time he went kabloowie as he rushed out of a room with a bomb in his hand), then Frank Lapidus (Jeff Fahey!) had a door pop off and knock him down (is he dead?!), and THEN Sun and Jin both drowned Titanic-style. There was sad music and dead hands drifting apart … very sad! And this all happened in about three minutes! But are we even sad? There are only a couple episodes left, and all these people are still alive in the alternate reality! So let’s celebrate a crap-load main character deaths!
AARON KELLY can’t count on surviving in an alternate reality, cuz after Wednesday, he has a one-way ticket back to obscurity. In a surprising twist, Aaron Kelly was voted off of American Idol this week! It should of Casey … but who cares? With only four contestants to go, we all know that Lee and Crystal will make it to the finale. It doesn’t really matter what order that the rest go home in. So let’s rejoice in the failure of Aaron Kelly. And that near-cry face was classic!
Aaron Kelly is headed back to obscurity, but has CHELY WRIGHT ever left it? For weeks they’ve been teasing that some BIG CELEB would be coming out of the closet on May 5th. They’d be on the cover of People and were already booked on Today, The View and Larry King Live. Then a few days early, TMZ, Perez or some other site (who cares?) broke the news that Shelly Right, some country singer that no one has ever heard of, would be busting her way through the closet door! While I have no idea who she is, I know how hard it is to come out of the closet, so I applaud you, Cheryl … Something! Huzzah!
And finally, a lady who has never killed someone with a machete (that I know of). A lady who didn’t die on Lost (yet). A lady that didn’t get voted off of American Idol (she’s too old to compete) or come out of the closet (…yet?). You guessed it … BETTY WHITE! I’m sure that you’ve had your fill of Betty White clips on Cocky & Rude this week, but here’s another one! And another! That’s right, we’re gunna ride this feature all the way to Saturday, folks, and there’s nothing you can do about it! Don’t forget to watch Saturday Night Live on NBC!
So that’s my Cinco De Friday … what’s yours?