So I mentioned to Adam that I was going to start the Master Cleanse tomorrow and he insisted that I blog about it. For those of you who are unaware of the Master Cleanse, it is a mind and body detoxification program created in the 1940s by an alternative medicine practitioner named Stanley Burroughs. Burroughs was convicted of felony murder by a jury in California after one of his patients died as a result of his unlicensed medical practices. All legal issues aside, I’ve read some interesting things about the cleanse, which essentially consists of fresh lemon juice, maple syrup, cayenne pepper and water. Sounds tasty right?!?!
Now like most of you out there I was grossly concerned when I met someone on the Master Cleanse. This was back in 2008. It seemed like a grotesque and unappealing diet, but my mind has changed a bit. I’m trying to move toward a more healthy lifestyle in general wherein I’m monitoring the types of food I consume more closely. So the idea of using this diet to flush out toxins and clean out my system of all the things on Adam’s sausage chart seemed appealing. Also apparently Beyoncé did it and I’ll be damned if that bitch thinks she’s better than me.
To be honest, I’m a bit terrified. I’ve never done anything like this before and I have no idea how long I can make it. One crazy website said that people have done it for up to 45 days, which sounds like a trip to Karen Carpenter-ville to me. I think I’ll stick to a more sane goal of seven days. That’s one week of nothing but lemon juice, maple syrup, cayenne and water. Oh and did I mention the daily salt water flush!!! I’m sure you’ll be excited to know that I’m supposed to ritually consume a large quantity of salt water in an effort to thoroughly wash my digestive tract.
So how long do you think I will really last on this thing? Let me know what you think of my plan…and don’t worry I’ll be updating you on it daily on the blog. That is unless I pass out or die or something.