The Cultural Implications of Justin Bieber

another candidateYesterday I decided that Justin Bieber is a sign of the apocalypse.  I do admit that I am prone to hyperbole, but I do not often make statements that invoke images of bad Kirk Cameron movies. I am far more tactful than to force those kinds of thoughts onto anyone.

But seriously, folks…this is a huge problem.  Justin Bieber is quite possibly the most annoying person to emerge from Canada since Neve Campbell.  Now before we get into the whole ” its not her fault that her head is way too big for her body” kind of argument, let’s stay on point.

I know we have seen the throngs of hysteric and obviously undermedicated teenage girls before (see: New Kids on the Block, Backstreet Boys, etc.), but this time it just gives me the heebeejeebies.  First off, his name is pronounced “Bee Burr.” How stupid could a last name get?  It sounds like a rejected R2D2 sound effect.  That’s just tragic.

Secondly, he is often photographed flashing the peace sign with his hands.  I think this is not only proof that there is a coming apocalypse but also an indication that Bieber himself could be the Antichrist.  It has been prophesied that the Antichrist will promote “peace” for a period of time before he starts mowing people down.  Just imagining the carnage this skinny little white boy could create.  He even participated in the positively horrific “We Are the World” remake disaster!

According to this very informative website I am reading, the Antichrist is a “sinister world leader.”  Since Mr. Bieber is ALWAYS trending on twitter, we can only conclude that he is this sinister world leader.  This website further indicates that the Antichrist reigns terror for three and a half years, which means we have long way until we are out of the dark.  The Antichrist is also supposed to have an evil sidekick.

Justin Bieber has Usher. Case closed!

I know there are prepubescent girls (and boys) who just have to get their shriek on over something, but please please please, find someone else.  All of humanity rests in your hands.

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4 thoughts on “The Cultural Implications of Justin Bieber”

  1. Bwahahaha I read some of this to my 14 year old and she’s like “amen brother”. She can not STAND Justin Beiber. I’m a bit embarrassed he’s Canadian and wears that much pink lip gloss.

    So two thumbs up from my household. You may be onto something with your theory.

  2. I’m glad to hear that not every 14 year old is obsessed with him. Have I told you that I call Adam, my little bieber? He just loves it!

  3. Justin Bieber and his stupid hair. Ugh, ugh, ugh.
    And Neve Campbell. Her hesitant “acting” bugs the crap out of me. And you know who else bugs the crap out of me? Well, I’ll tell you. Jennifer Love Hewitt. Stop acting so cutesy. You’re ANNOYING. Go away.

  4. I agree!!!!!!!!!!!! He is Annoying….. I saw him for the first time on” Jay Leno” and he came in with an arrogance that kind of pi**ed me off… I dont care for the kid… at all….

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