Screw you, Fortune Cookie!

After my long arduous journey from New Jersey (seriously…it took me almost four hours on trains to travel what one could drive in about two), I was too exhausted to even consider cooking for myself despite my moderately stocked cabinet.  So I did what every New Yorker loves to do, I ordered take out.  Sunday night’s option was Chinese because its cheap and I am broke!  Plus there is the added bonus of the fortune cookie.

I know that fortune cookies are not authentically Chinese and they can’t really be considered dessert, but I love that whenever I get my favorite entree, I also get a little something sweet to follow it up with.  I generally find the fortunes laughable even before appending “in bed” or “between the sheets” to it.  Last night was the first time I got a fortune that I did not like one bit.  Inside the golden brown confection was a little strip of paper that read: Generosity and perfection are your everlasting goals.

That probably seems rather tame to most of you, but I was pissed off!  Why you ask?  Generosity is a great trait, no doubt, but I’ve been coming to terms with the fact that I am generous to a fault.  I will often be so generous that I put myself into a tight little corner with a little window that looks out upon a stinky swamp.  I have been so generous sometimes that I have given away things that I myself needed.   That I have over-tipped rather than force someone to do their own math.  Does this sound like a goal you would like to have FOR EVER?

I didn’t think so.

The perfection part is what really got my goat (aside: I love using that expression. I mean can’t you just imagine people all walking around with goats and then something really awful happens and their goat dies! Hilarious).  The thing about perfection as a goal is that it is in every way unattainable!  And for me, its poison.  The pursuit of perfection has derailed a large portion of my life.  Rather than be imperfect or making a mistake, I have often been stuck in a rut incapable of moving forward or backward.  Perfectionism is the devil!  The DEVIL!

So the moral of the story is do not eat Chinese food unless you are prepared for what you will uncover in the middle of that cookie.  Sometimes it will lead you to choose the college you should study at as one friend of mine once told me.  However, most of the time it will be trashy-trash.

I guess I shouldn’t really complain that much.  I did get the idea for this post from that cookie.

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4 thoughts on “Screw you, Fortune Cookie!”

  1. I agree with you on perfectionism – it’s EVIL and debilitating. So stop it.
    There’s nothing wrong with being generous – in bed – though : ).

  2. Striving for perfection – in bed – is okay though. I’m in favour of that. Rest of your life? Not so much. Balance, it’s all about balance – in bed.

  3. I always wish fortune cookies told fortunes. And that they were mean:
    “If at first you don’t succeed, give up” or “You’re a dirty liar, and you will pay for it!”

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