Before we bid farewell to the 2011 Cocky Awards, we have one final award to hand out. Today, on the dawn of 2012, let’s join together to appreciate our final award recipient.
The 2011 Lifetime Achievement Cocky Award winner is none other than … POLT’S ASS!
With this award, we at Cocky & Rude pledge to always appreciate its nakedness, whiteness and utter flatness. Thought it is true that Polt’s ass has been the butt of many jokes here at Cocky & Rude, we also acknowledge that as bloggers, we respect and admire everything about it. And fear not — just because Polt’s ass has earned the 2011 Lifetime Achievement Cocky Award DOES NOT MEAN that we will retire the image in any way. We at C&R will strive to do Polt’s ass justice as we move forward into the future. Congratulations: Polt’s Ass. You truly earned it.
Now please stand as the 2011 Lifetime Achievement Cocky Award runner-up, Rebecca Black, performs an original composition to the tune of her smash single, Friday, entitled: Polt’s Ass.
POLT’S ASS (written by Adam, performed by Rebecca Black & Friends)
Congratulations to Polt’s ass and all of the 2011 Cocky Award winners! HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Welcome to Cocky & Rude Fight Club: ROUND THREE! The rules to the game are simple. Each week we’ll re-introduce our fighters. We’ll give them each a chance to speak their mind. Then we’ll put the results to vote. You’ll pick which combatant will decimate their opponent in the knock-down, drag-out brawl of Cocky & Rude Fight Club! Let’s meet this week’s fighters…
Each week of Round Three, we’ll drop three Round Two winners into the ring and see who remains standing after a 24-hour Cocky & Rude Fight Club vote. Today’s contestants are: Mr. Sombrero, Ty & Ryan.
So far, I’ve destroyed uno, dos, TRES opponents in this silly battle. What makes you silly American think that I can’t defeat DOS more? I come from Mexico, where we murder people for fun. I will rain down on all of you with the hot sauce fiery fury of a Taco Bell restroom! Ty? That silly, bald American could never win at the Mexican version of Jeopardy! In our version, we play for tacos and kill the losers. And the winners. And Ryan? My churro could beat his cupcake any day of the week. I will destroy them both with my sombrero pulled down over my eyes! ¡Ay, caramba y yo quiero Taco Bell! -Mr. Sombrero
In his C&R Fight Club Round 1 battle, resident Jeopardy! genius Ty faced off against the the wheelchair-bound Stephen Hawking. After a fierce competition, The theoretical physicist and cosmologist proved no match for man that tells federal judges what to do, when Ty trounced Hawking with 73% of the popular vote. In Round 2, a very pale Ty faced off against the recently employed Mush and law student extraordinaire, Jere. Ty proved that he wasn’t only good at fighting physically disabled people when he beat the two with 44% of the popular vote. Will his pale skin and giant brain be enough to defeat Mr. Sombrero and Ryan? Soon we’ll find out!
I didn’t sign up for this, I’m up against the head writer’s boyfriend, and — AND — even if I win, I have to face a Wonder Woman at least 2.5 times as sassy as Lynda Carter. In light of all that, I don’t really have the energy for smack talk. Instead, here’s TV Guide’s summary for tonight’s episode of Whitney: “Whitney catches Alex eyeing [sic] a sightly woman and punishes him by refusing to talk to him.” YEAH!!!! -Ty
In his C&R Fight Club Round 1 battle, Ryan with a Cupcake faced off against his mortal enemy, The Muffin Man. The voice of the people was strong (and muffin-hating) as Ryan managed to earn a fantastic 99% of the popular vote. In Round 2, Ryan faced off against blogging superstar and world celebrity, the cocky, the rude, the egomaniac: Adam … and Chris D.And Adam won! Somehow, Ryan managed to defeat the dynamic duo with 49% of the popular vote. Adam thinks that he may have cheated. (He didn’t.) Will he cupcake his way to victory against Mr. Sombrero and Ty? We’ll find out soon enough!
Judging by his trash talk in the last round, Ty is just another nice guy. I would have thought that the milkman would have taught Ty how to stand up for himself. Meanwhile, all I have to do is take Mr. Sombrero’s hat to give him a crippling crisis of identity.
Who will win in the battle of Mr. Sombrero vs. Ty vs. Ryan? There’s only one rational way to decide who will win this battle. We’re putting this no-holds-barred fight to a vote. The poll will be open for approximately 24 hours, and you may vote as many times as you want. That’s right — we’re not blocking repeat votes, so vote now and vote often for your favorite Cocky & Rude Fight Club opponent.
Check back on Sunday for the results!
Thanks to Mr. Sombrero, Ty & Ryan for your assistance with this post!