These two commercials make me want to shoot myself in the head.
Hotspacho? Seriously? And this is SAMUEL L. JACKSON! Why isn’t it: “I want some motherfuckin organic mushrooms in my motherfuckin risotto!”?
Is that rain? OoOoOoOo … YOU’RE STANDING NEXT TO GODDAMNED A WINDOW. Remind me to clean up … [quirky pause] … tomorrow. Today, we’re dancing!
I think I’ll get another Droid when my contract is up.
A recent study showed that “having to urinate really bad while driving is equivalent in terms of impairment to about a 0.05 blood alcohol level, according to the invaluable research done by Dr. Peter Snyder, a VP of research at Rhode Island Hospital.” My advice? Just pee! Where ever you are, just let it out! Just how creative have you been with your urination? Let’s find out!
The rules are simple: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.
1. Have you ever peed?
2. Have you ever peed in a public restroom?
3. Have you ever peed in the opposite gender’s bathroom?
4. Have you ever peed while taking a shower?
5. Have you ever peed into a kitchen sink?
6. Have you ever peed into a jar or bottle?
7. Have you ever peed into a cup for a drug test?
8. Have you ever peed on the side of the road?
9. Have you ever peed in a port-a-john?
10. Have you ever peed while in a moving train?
11. Have you ever peed while in an airplane?
12. Have you ever peed while in a bus?
13. Have you ever peed in pool?
14. Have you ever peed in the ocean?
15. Have you ever peed in the snow?
16. Have you ever peed onto a floor?
17. Have you ever peed in front of someone else?
18. Have you ever peed in a bed?
19. Have you ever peed in your pants?
20. Have you ever peed out of the window of a moving vehicle?
21. Have you ever peed while driving a car?
22. Have you ever peed onto someone else?
23. Have you ever peed into someone’s mouth?
24. Have you ever peed into your own mouth?
25. Have you ever peed during sex?
Tell us your total and any fun pee stories in the comments.
This week I turned to you for a Friday Five… and by FSM, you delivered! By the power of Grayskull, I present YOUR Friday Five!
Hot problems! We can all relate, I’m sure. These girls are just… awful. They make yearn for the vocal styling of Rebecca Black. I’m pretty sure this video is the beginning of the End of Days. -Michelle M.
NYC is Effed.
And you know what End of Days means. That’s right. Zombies! Here’s a Zombie Survival Map. Just plug in your address and find all the resources you need to help you survive an undead outbreak. -Michelle M.
Since we’ve been rehearsing FAME like forever – the mastermind behind Tyrone Jackson decided to start filming us seeing as we are a kick ass cast! The vlogs have been posted for our viewing enjoyment and this is our most recent. I recommend skipping the useless stuff and going straight to 2:48 where we start dance warm up with our lovely choreographer Chloe! Then it’s our opening number, Pray/Hard Work. After is our wonderful Tyrone singing Dancing on the Sidewalk! Enjoy! Also this is still rehearsal we’re much better now I promise! Our opening night went fantastic and hopefully the rest do toooooo! -Kristen “The Kid”
I know that this Doritos commercial is from the Super Bowl but I still love it. Every time it’s on I have to stop what I’m doing and watch. When he slams into the window it kills me! -Tam
Polt's laptop was broken!
What made this week great for me? Friends that have enough intimate knowledge of computers to help me reformat my laptop. Thanks to StratCat, it’s now back up and running, albeit, a smidge differently than before, just minor changes, mind you, but changes nonetheless. Still, it’s better than what I had before she got it up and running. So yay to friends who can do that, in general, and to StratCat in particular! -Polt
Have you ever imagined what goes on inside the head of your favorite pet? Well one enterprising Brit put those wonders onto my current favorite tumblr blog. It even got me to use the term tumblr, which I hate. I mean…why not tumbler? It’s only one more letter. I mean….seriously. Anyway….check out the site for all the real life inspired texts between one person and their dog. -Mikey
Roscoe would look awesome with a monocle.
MY GOODNESS What a week! Hot Problems, Zombies, Fame, Doritos commercials, friends with computer knowledge, and a British dog that can text! It’s such a great Friday Five that there actually six! Wowzers!
And since I didn’t participate this week, here are MY runners up: open windows, my bicycle, Dick Clark died, Wawa Diet Green Tea, driving with the windows down, going to bed early, ant traps, Draw Something, mustaches, Kindle Fire and hardcore gay pornography.
It’s been a crazy week at the M. compound – what with the back of the house being torn up and rebuilt. I didn’t have time to prepare a well-thought out, humorous post for the three of you to read (that’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it). So here is some random crap.
I’m getting a new window in my office. Hurray!
Cooper is settling in nicely. He loves his toys. He’s sitting on my finger and has ventured out of his cage. I love my little fluffer-nutter!
I just finished this book. It amused me.
I thought I’d try a gluten-free diet*. Maybe I’m allergic to wheat**? Maybe that’s why I’m so tired all the time. Anyway, here are some of the products I’ve tried. Most of them are sad and have strange ingredients and I need to read the labels before I buy them. The crackers have fennel (I hate fennel) and poppy seeds (no thank you). And the chocolate chip cookies*** had chia seeds in them. It was disconcerting. I haven’t noticed any difference in my energy levels, but I’ll give it a little longer.
*I’ve cheated already with a hamburger bun and a tortilla. Oh well.
**I know I should ask to be tested by a doctor, but that would make sense.
***not pictured. Harry finished them off for me. I just noticed that the other package of cookies are dairy-free. That means the chocolate is not officially chocolate, so why bother. Maybe I’ll send them to Adam.
Look at these cool Wonder Woman shoes!
What the hell is Britney doing with her tongue? It’s bizarre. And fascinating.
A while ago I watched Working Girl and was reminded of Melanie Griffith’s disturbing throat clearing tic. I found a video that compiled them. This would make a great drinking game.
Asian babies are awesome. And they do floors!
I was all excited about trying Schweddy Balls. But they didn’t have it at the store, so we had Americone Dream* instead. Boo.
*contains wheat 
Continuing with yesterday’s Tam-theme, I present you with a series of illustrations based on Tam’s recent tweets. In case you missed it, Tam started a brand new job yesterday. Please enjoy my interpretation of her first day at the new job…
 | Chris Crépon on 10 Reasons Why Vaginas Are… |
 | Polt on BC&RL 2013: Part 2 |
 | Mikey on BC&RL 2013: Part 2 |
 | Michelle M. on BC&RL 2013: Part 2 |
 | The Incredibly Shrin… on BC&RL 2013: Part 2 |
| Mikey on BC&RL 2013: Part 2 |
| poltguy on BC&RL 2013: Part 2 |
| Michelle M. on BC&RL 2013: Part 2 |
What Were They Thinking?!
Today I will pose a few questions that we’ve all been asking for years…
What was Craig thinking?!
Leave your thoughts in the comments!
Submit your potential What Were They Thinking?! photos to:
cockyandrudedotcom@gmail.com
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