Our fifth week is complete! Today our contestants celebrate five weeks into the cockiest and rudest weight loss competition evahhhh! It’s Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3!
Our dieters are doing great! Have you ever wondered what their average meal looks like? This week we invited each of our contestants to submit a photo and a description of a meal that they’re particularly proud of. Here’s what they’re eating:
Mikey
The food pictured here is your typical diet food: tasteless and full of vegetables. Sometimes vegetables have flavor. These do not. These are the lengths I have gone to in order to lose weight…which appears to be stopping at the moment.
TwoPi
Weight loss did a bit of backtracking this week, which isn’t so surprising. Work is getting stressful (end of semester), and I’ve had some lapses of the between-meal snacking variety. I should have planned my photo better and gotten images from earlier nights cooking Mollie Katzen dishes, but instead it was “oh no I need to photograph what we’re eating TONIGHT” and so here is a pretty typical meal: homemade split pea soup and cornbread. Healthy in that there is fairly little fat (apart from what goes into the cornbread dough itself) and there are lots of veggies in the soup, which is thick enough so that one cup is quite filling.
Polt
This week, it’s our Meal Plan. Upon starting the competition, I had no meal plan, none at all. Since then, my new doctor has thrown me on low to no carb diet, so now, yes, I DO have a meal plan. Here is a typical meal: twice baked potato (37 grams of carbs) (I’m allowed 45 per meal), steak (although there’s also been a lot of ham, burger patties, and sausages), a small side salad (having one of those with EVERY meal), Diet Coke, and the current book I’m reading. I do not, however, eat the book, I just read it while eating. And yes, this is basically what my meals consist of nowadays (although asparagus or green beans take the place of the potato).
Ryan
I’ve been continuing my culinary experiments. The photo shows off my latest trial before I cooked it. My goal was to increase the beans to non-beans ratio and therefore the protein to carbohydrate ratio, and that was a success. However, cooking that much stuff at once is pushing the limit of my Crock Pot, and the black beans made everything else a lot less colorful. I think next time I will cook the non-beans separately.
Tam
Okay, so I was a total loser and didn’t know about the picture thing, so here is a mock-up of a meal I had. Steak, rice and roasted orange cauliflower. My steak didn’t look quite like that, but close enough. That’s pretty typical. We do eat pretty healthy. Breakfast is usually cereal or toast and juice, lunch is either a salad or sandwich with fruit and dinner is a protein, carb and vegetable. I’m really frustrated though because I have been so good for nearly 2 weeks, recording everything I’ve eaten, am ALWAYS under the total allowed and this week, nothing. Arrgghh. I’m considering trying the Polt diet. Maybe I need to go low-carb and shock my system into realizing it’s not playing fair.
Mr. Sombrero
I am very proud of this meal because it looks like a pool of barf, and C&R readers can appreciate a good barf pic. Apart from the snacks (which are my downfall), my meals are pretty healthy. Granted, they are not always vegan, but I try. 
Michelle M.
This was my dinner Tuesday night. Half a turkey burger light (Harry had the other half) with bbq sauce and a side of steamed vegetables. I was going to submit a photo of a vegetable stir fry, a light pasta, or a soup or something, but I didn’t feel like cooking that night. In general, my meals (especially the ones I cook) are healthy – it’s the junk I snack on at night that is turning me into fat Betty.
Adam
This is a dinner that I make every week or so. What you’re looking at: grilled tempeh (grilled on my George Foreman Grill), avocado, broccoli, grape tomatoes, cubanelle peppers, baby carrots, baby portabella mushrooms and mixed greens. All that is topped with a mix of balsamic vinegar and a little bit of olive oil, some spices and a shake of ground flax seeds. I gave up all soda (diet and otherwise) a few weeks ago, so that’s unsweetened iced tea in the glass. My issue has always been snacking on junk food AFTER dinner … but I’ve been trying to give that up too. Maybe my straight line on the chart will actually move next week!
And now the week’s results:
Stay tuned each Thursday for the stunning weight-loss success stories of our eight contestants. Who will win this year’s competition? Find out on May 31st … just in time for bikini season!
In case you haven’t seen the news, Norovirus, a gastrointestinal illness commonly confused with the stomach flu or food poisoning has been making its way through many schools, workplaces, families, and public places over the last month or so. Norovirus spreads quickly and causes intense vomiting and diarrhea. Have you ever experienced the symptoms and uncomfortable situations that arise when you have a stomach bug? Let’s find out.
The rules are simple: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a 
single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.
1. Have you ever missed work because you were sick?
2. Have you ever lost your appetite?
3. Have you ever experienced nausea?
4. Have you ever vomited?
5. Have you ever had diarrhea?
6. Have you ever experienced abdominal cramps?
7. Have you ever had a headache?
8. Have you ever had a fever?
9. Have you ever been dehydrated?
10. Have you ever had chills?
11. Have you ever had muscle aches?
12. Have you ever shat in your pants?
13. Have you ever sent someone to the store for you to buy supplies? (food, beverages, medicine, tissues, etc.)
14. Have you ever ran to make it to the bathroom in time?
15. Have you ever vomited in public?
16. Have you ever shat yourself in public?
17. Have you ever vomited onto another person?
18. Have you ever slept on the bathroom floor so you would be closer to the 
toilet when you woke up?
19. Have you ever cleaned up someone else’s vomit?
20. Have you ever cleaned up someone else’s diarrhea?
21. Have you ever identified previously consumed food while you were vomiting it back up?
22. Have you ever vomited so much that you had nothing left to vomit?
23. Have you ever pooped so much that you had nothing left to poop?
24. Have you ever needed to vomit and diarrhea at the same time?
25. Have you every actually vomited and diarrheaed at the same time?
Did this blog post freak your freak and gross your gross? Don’t worry! Norovirus can be avoided by frequently washing your hands and staying away from infected people. If you’re sick, please stay hydrated and stay home. If necessary, seek medical attention. You’ll probably feel better in a few days.
Tell us your total in the comments!
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Let’s face it. YOU LOVED MY POST ABOUT PEEING! Everyone did. It’s the talk of the town. Two people even gave it 5 stars. That’s the most starts that anyone can give a post! Yay! (Both people were me.) And let it never be said that I don’t give the people what they want. You love pee? I WILL GIVE YOU PEE! Just sit back and enjoy the pee. I’ll give you so much pee… SO MUCH! I will pee all over you!
The rules are simple: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. 
When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.
1. Have you ever missed the toilet while peeing?
2. Have you ever remained standing while peeing?
3. Have you ever read a book or magazine while peeing?
4. Have you ever answered a phone call while peeing?
5. Have you ever read a text message while peeing?
6. Have you ever sent a text message while peeing?
7. Have you ever splashed urine or toilet water onto yourself while peeing?
8. Have you ever showered while peeing?
9. Have you ever slept while peeing? (Oh no! You wet the bed! Mom and Dad will be so angry even though you’re just developing slowly and it’s not 
your fault!!!!)
10. Have you ever trimmed your pubes while peeing?
11. Have you ever cried while peeing?
12. Have you ever pooped while peeing?
13. Have you ever consumed food or beverage while peeing?
14. Have you ever vomited while peeing?
15. Have you ever crossed your stream with someone else’s while peeing?
16. Have you ever had a conversation with someone while peeing?
17. Have you ever peeked at someone else’s private parts while peeing?
18. Have you ever experienced pain or discomfort while peeing?
19. Have you ever contemplated murder while peeing?
20. Have you ever been inside a moving vehicle while peeing?
21. Have you ever let your pants fall to the ground while standing in front of a urinal in a public restroom while peeing? (Yes this seems to happen quite often for some reason.)
22. Have you ever contemplated your political party affiliation while 
peeing?
23. Have you ever proposed marriage (or a civil union) while peeing?
24. Have you ever admired Polt’s ass while peeing?
25. Have you ever thought about Justin and his honey Allen while peeing?
Go take a piss, shake it off or wipe (whichever applies), zip up, wash your hands, come back to the computer, and then tell us your total in the comments!
Woohoo, today is Thanksgiving! Are you spending the day with your family? Watching the parade? Stuffing your face with dead animals? Falling asleep early because you’re stoned out of your mind on tryptophan? Need a break from all that crap? Instead of a fourth slice of pumpkin pie, teat yourself to a Thanksgiving-themed Have You Ever?! quiz! Yayyz!
The rules are simple: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your 
points and post your total in the comments.
1. Have you ever spent a Thanksgiving away from your family?
2. Have you ever celebrated Thanksgiving alone?
3. Have you ever attended the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade in New York City?
4. Have you ever sat through the entire Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade on television?
5. Have you ever watched football on Thanksgiving?
6. Have you ever come out of the closet to anyone during Thanksgiving dinner?
7. Have you ever cried on Thanksgiving?
8. Have you ever made your mom cry on Thanksgiving?
9. Have you ever been forced (or forced others) to recite what they’re grateful for?
10. Have you ever single-handedly cooked a Thanksgiving dinner?
11. Have you ever not eaten turkey on Thanksgiving?
12. Have you ever slid jellied cranberry sauce out of a can?
13. Have you ever dropped a dish while bringing it to the table OR while passing it around the table?
14. Have you ever needed to find an open supermarket on Thanksgiving because you (or someone else) forgot or messed something up?
15. Have you ever consumed at least two forkfuls of EVERY dish on the table?
16. Have you ever eaten an entire pie in one sitting?
17. Have you ever fallen asleep mid-Thanksgiving dinner due to a tryptophan overdose?
18. Have you ever ate so much on Thanksgiving that you felt sick?
19. Have you ever vomited after eating Thanksgiving dinner?
20. Have you ever clogged the toilet after taking a massive Thanksgiving dump?
21. Have you ever gotten drunk on Thanksgiving?
22. Have you ever gotten high on Thanksgiving?
23. Have you ever given a hand or blow job underneath the Thanksgiving table?
24. Have you ever received a hand or blow job underneath the 
Thanksgiving table?
25. Have you ever had sex (any kind) on Thanksgiving?
Well? HAVE YOU? Tell us your total in the comments.
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Things That CREEP Me Out
Here are ten things that CREEP me the hell out:
Old timey dolls. What were people thinking in the olden days? Were they trying to scare their children to death? Who would want to wake up to see those evil little faces staring at you? The one above wants to swallow my soul.
Speaking of scaring children to death, jack in the boxes are another way to do it.
The anticipation of that thing popping out is enough to give me a heart attack.
Mayonnaise. SO GROSS! Barf!
Eyeballs. Specifically, touching or operating on them. The Lasik scene from Final Destination 5 almost did me in.
Bar soap*. Especially that slimy gunk between the bar of soap and the soap dish. Gag!
*More on this on a future post.
Mummies. I DON’T WANT TO SEE THAT! EVER! Put that thing back where you found it! (Plus, they carry curses).
Mold, eeeeeeeeeeeew!
Long toenails. Revolting! Clip that shiz before I lose my lunch!
(Also gross: long fingernails on men and those Lamisil toe fungus commercials).
Candle wax on birthday cake. And it gets on the best part – the frosting! I always worry that someone is going to blow too hard on the candles and spray that damn wax everywhere. If I’m in charge of candles, I put them all in one corner so the rest of the cake doesn’t get wax cooties.
Roaches. make. my. skin. Crawl.
So there you have it – ten things that I find utterly disgusting. Runners up were: hairy drain clogs,
hoarders, John Malkovich, porta potties and rotting, never brushed teeth.
What creeps you out? Let me know in comments!
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