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Biggest C&R Loser 2013

5 Comments Posted by Adam on February 7, 2013

Welcome to the 6th week of Biggest C&R Loser 2013! This year we’ll be keeping all of the results and placings secret until the end of the contest. We’ll also be pooling our cash to award the 2013 winner the largest prize we’ve ever awarded … a whopping $40! This week’s theme is “MEAL PLAN” – each contestant will show you a meal that they’re particularly proud of. Do they eat this healthy at every meal, or is it a rarity? Who knows! Here’s what they had to say:

Mr. Sombrero

This organic vegan place down the street has these awesome smoothies. This one is called “green power”. Ingredients are: pear, banana, almond butter, soy milk aaaaaand [drum role please] kale!!! It’s tastes really good, despite the fact that it looks like swamp water. I had it for breakfast couple of times this week and it’s a nice change from standards like oatmeal, yogurt or nothing.

Nathan

I mentioned the banana smoothies I have in the morning before, but I came to the sad, pathetic realization that I’ve done very little cooking from scratch (except pasta, which isn’t very diet-y) While living in residence at teacher’s college. So I guess I have to stick with a paltry smoothie offering for this round.

Polt

It’s a salad from a local buffet and a Diet Coke. And that’s healthy, right? The only problem is, this photo is from a few years ago. But I DO try to eat salads and healthy foods, more often than not. Well sometimes. Well, I WANT to eat healthier at times, at least. That counts, right?

Tam

As a rule we eat pretty healthy. Most dinners are protein, vegetable, starch, lunches are usually sandwiches of some kind. We rarely have dessert but it varies from fruit to pudding to ice-cream if we have some in the freezer. I forgot I had to take a picture, so I found pictures of dinner I made Monday evening. Bulgar pilaf, pork loin, green beans and I confess I may have snuck a cruller that day, but that is the first donut I’ve had in… months.

TwoPi

Most of my progress evaporated on Super Bowl Sunday, with its horrid temptations of beer and chili and chips and … and… (and that incredibly delicious buffalo chicken dip that Craig blogged about in 2008, back when Craig blogged.) But this week’s another week, and another opportunity to start eating right and exercising. (Bwahahaha!) Anyways, a fairly frequent meal in our house is a chicken and veggie stir fry. Lately I’ve been increasing the ratio of veggies to chicken, and cutting back on the Thai fish sauce to minimize sodium. It still tastes awesome, is easy to make, and my kids are even willing to eat a little bit of it.

Adam

I’m so proud of the meal in this photo! It’s what I eat every day for breakfast … nothing! People say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, but they can go fuck themselves. Plus the calories that I don’t eat for breakfast can be used later in the day (and I feel less guilty when I eat 10,000 cookies per day).

Michelle M.

This meal consists of: vegetarian lentil stew (yummy!), a garden salad (with no fat Italian dressing) and a wheat roll. We had this the other night. I didn’t take a photo, but this is approximately what it looked like. Absent is the butter I put on my roll . The meals I cook are healthy. It’s the fact that I snack (chocolate and chips), eat late at night and don’t exercise that gets me in trouble. If I could cut all of that out, I’d be golden!

Mikey

This is not the single healthiest meal I’ve eaten all week. I haven’t eaten very healthy at all this week. I took hot dogs, covered them with Jack Cheese and wrapped it in a pizza in honor of 30 Rock‘s finale. I stand by my choice.

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Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3: Week 12

20 Comments Posted by Adam on May 17, 2012

Our eleventh week is complete! Today our contestants celebrate eleven weeks into the cockiest and rudest weight loss competition evahhhh! It’s Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3!

Rosie O’Donnell once admitted to stopping at multiple Waffle Houses because she was embarrassed to order so much food from a single fast-food restaurant. This week I asked each of the contestants for a pre-diet embarrassing admission. Here’s what they had to say…

Michelle M.
Well, there was that one time I ate 10 tacos…

Ryan
I’m most embarrassed with how I would get a large bag of candy, eat until the sugar made me feel sick, and then sometimes keep eating. I’m also not proud of how I would sometimes substitute a bag of Doritos or a pint of Ben & Jerry’s for a meal or how quickly I could go through a box of donuts.

Polt
So this week, we’re detailing an something embarrassing we did before we started the contest. Hmm, well being over 300 12 years ago was pretty embarrassing in an of itself. But let’s see, what else embarrassing did I do? Oh yeah, well a few years back, mom made me a Boston Cream Pie for my birthday. She, dad and I each had a slice when she gave it to me. Then I took it home. By 8:00 the next evening, the entire pie was gone. It was simply THAT good, ate the whole damn thing in less than a day. Not the first time either. But in my defense, Mama Polt makes a HELLUVA delicious pie! (and I don’t have any photos of her pies, so the one I included in just a generic pie, which I’m sure tastes nowhere near as good as hers!)

Mikey
My shocking admission is that I love to eat ice cream and like Fat Betty I just can’t stop. You see that pint of Ben & Jerry’s? I could make that my bitch in about 20 minutes, no brain freeze, one spoon, pure bliss. Truth be told, I MISS IT SO FREAKIN MUCH.

Mr. Sombrero
Does a honey badger think some of his actions are embarrassing? Of course he doesn’t. He’s a honey badger. Does Mr. Sombrero think eating an entire tub of Twix ice cream… before dinner… is embarrassing? Probably not. He’s Mr. Sombrero. Wait… we’re suppose to be dieting? Ok, now I’m embarrassed to admit something…

TwoPi
I do all the cooking and grocery shopping for the family. One of the benefits (or risks) of grocery shopping alone is the opportunity to buy a “little treat” or snack for the drive home. For a while, I was craving Doritos, and each time at the grocery I’d buy a big bag of Doritos, and snarf them down on the drive home. (This might be two or three times per week at its worst.) At one point I had the brilliant idea to put wet wipes in the car to eliminate the tell-tale signs of Dorito snarfage, but in a cold weather climate this doesn’t work out so well. I might not have lost as much weight as my compatriots here, but BC&RL3 *did* help break me of my shameful Dorito habit.

Tam
I don’t think I’ve ever done something like that, not that I can think of. Although I have eaten my lunch in my office at 10:30 and then went and bought lunch in the cafeteria at 12:00. Sigh I’m more paranoid what people are thinking when I legitimately buy food for more than me. If you go to the drive-thru and order two burgers and fries (both the same) and you get to the window and there is only you in the car, are they wondering what kind of a pig I am or assuming I’m taking it home for someone? When I order a large pizza I hope they realize I’m not home alone, I could have five kids running around in there. So I’m conscious of how it looks when I order/buy certain foods, but I’ve not done too much sneaky food eating/buying.

Adam
Much like Tam, I’m also incredibly paranoid about being judged. A few years ago (when I was vegetarian) I was feeling blue and put myself on a a steady diet of veggie subs, Doritos, Entenmann’s chocolate chip cookies and Peanut M&M’s. I’d stop at the local Wawa convenience store almost every day after work and stock up on the evening’s depression binge. I’d often feel embarrassed by the mass of junk food that I was buying, and would somehow convince myself that if I bought two drinks, the cashier would think my purchase was for multiple people. It was convenient because then I had two drinks to wash down all the crap!

And now the week’s results:

Stay tuned each Thursday for the stunning weight-loss success stories of our eight contestants. Who will win this year’s competition? Find out on May 31st … just in time for bikini season!

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MEATOUT: Have you ever… been a vegan?!

40 Comments Posted by Adam on March 20, 2012

HAPPY MEATOUT! Meatout is the world’s largest grassroots diet education campaign. Today, thousands of caring people in all 50 U.S. states and two dozen other countries encourage their friends, families, and communities to “kick the meat habit” and explore a wholesome, compassionate diet of fruits, vegetables, and whole grains. The purpose is to expose the public to the joys and benefits of a plant-based diet, while promoting the availability and selection alternatives to meat and dairy in mainstream grocery stores, restaurants, and catering operations. (source)

You know the rules: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.

Have You Ever?!

1. Have you ever considered a vegan or vegetarian lifestyle?
2. Have you ever been a vegetarian?
3. Have you ever been a vegan?
4. Have you ever tried an alternative milk beverage (Soy, Rice, Hemp, Almond, etc.)?
5. Have you ever tried a non-meat burger (veggie burger, soy burger, etc.)?
6. Have you ever tried a vegan baked good?
7. Have you ever purchased “mock meat” (alternative burgers, hot dogs, cold cuts, etc.) from the supermarket? (on purpose)
8. Have you ever purchased a frozen vegetarian or vegan prepared meal from the supermarket? (on purpose)
9. Have you ever tried a vegan yogurt?
10. Have you ever tried vegan cheese?
11. Have you ever tried vegan ice cream?
12. Have you ever cooked a vegetarian or vegan meal? (on purpose)
13. Have you ever tried tempeh?
14. Have you ever cooked tempeh?
15. Have you ever tried tofu?
16. Have you ever cooked tofu?
17. Have you ever tried seitan?
18. Have you ever cooked seitan?
19. Have you ever tried TVP (textured vegetable protein)?
20. Have you ever cooked TVP (textured vegetable protein)?
21. Have you ever read literature that explains how a vegan lifestyle is better for the planet?
22. Have you ever read literature that explains how a vegan lifestyle is better for your health?
23. Have you ever watched a sad PETA-style video that illustrates how factory farmed animals are poorly treated?
24. Have you ever purposefully purchased vegan clothing (faux leather, non-leather shoes, etc.)
25. Have you ever made fun of a vegan or vegetarian?

Barf up your total in the comments!

Meatout – Coming to a City Near You (planetsave.com)
Vegan / Vegetarian / V-curious Bloggers – The Flaming Vegan (jobs.problogger.net)
Help Us Reach 30,000 With Vegan Food Samples! (our-compass.org)
Why I Am a Vegan (socyberty.com)
Vegetarian Way of Living (socyberty.com)

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Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3: Week 2

10 Comments Posted by Adam on March 8, 2012

Our first week is complete! Today our contestants celebrate one week into the cockiest and rudest weight loss competition evahhhh! It’s Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3!

Everything is easier if there’s a goal & prize in place. This week, the contestants were invited to tell us what they will do to reward themselves when they attain their weight-loss goals. Here’s what they said:

TwoPi
My mid-range goal is to lose 10% and be able to maintain that weight loss. I’m hoping to feel healthier, have better flexibility, and be able to see my doctor without having her recommend yet another fad diet. Most importantly, I don’t want to have to buy new clothes in larger sizes than what I currently wear. So I guess the prize I’m working toward is keeping my current wardrobe intact!

Mikey
My goal is to look hotter than this bitch on my wedding day. I know that’s tall order, but everyone knows I’m a bigger queen than she will ever be. I’m on my way there, too! Despite four events for Ty’s birthday (including one with a 24 course meal), I managed to lose weight this week. I’m attributing it to the flop sweat that broke out due to my extreme anxiety during planning the parties!

Mr. Sombrero
My goal is to lose 11% in this round so I can fit into my old pantalones again.

Michelle M.
Like Tam, My goal is to fit back into my jeans. I have been wearing the same pair (or sweats) for I don’t know how long. I refuse to buy more in a bigger size when I have plenty of good ones in my closet.

Tam
Hmmm. I thought about goals. New clothes? Well, that could be a necessity. Books? Ha! That’s a given. So I decided for every 10 lbs I lose I shall buy myself a lovely bouquet of flowers to remind me of what I’ve achieved. And how many bouquets do I get this week? Blerg. Thanks to traveling and eating out and receptions and booze and pastries … NADA. But I’m home next week where I can get back on the wagon, really. I think I will print out a nice flower pic and paste it to my fridge when I get home. Maybe it will help. One can only hope.

Adam
When I attain my weight-loss goal, I’m going to get a tattoo. Not as extreme as that guy … just something small on my right forearm. I’ve always wanted a tattoo, and this motivation is as good as any finally man-up and get it. Oh, and maybe I’ll go back to being a vegetarian. I’ll reward myself with tattoos and cheese! But not a tattoo of cheese.

Ryan
Whenever I reach a weight milestone, I’m rewarding myself with music. It both motivates me to stay on course with my diet and exercise and makes sure that I put thought into what music I buy. I’ve shown a few options in my photo. PS – I’m pretty sure most of this week’s weight loss was the release of excess water and glycogen from my liver that built up from the conference the weekend before we started.

Polt
So I’m supposed to talk about my “Personal Goal Prize”. Hmm, well when I win the competition, I will have lost enough weight and firmed up enough to be able to wear one of these babies! I’m not sure WHERE I’d wear it, but that’s beside the point, cause looking like that, I’m sure I’ll find no shortage of places that would WANT me to wear it! And I do hope the pouch comes in various sizes, cause I’m gonna need a bigger pouch.

And now, the week’s results:

Stay tuned each Thursday for the stunning weight-loss success stories of our nine contestants. Who will win this year’s competition? Find out on May 31st … just in time for bikini season!

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C&R Fight Club: MISTER ROGERS vs. CHRIS D.!

12 Comments Posted by Adam on August 4, 2011

Welcome to Cocky & Rude Fight Club! The rules to the game are simple. Each week we’ll introduce our fighters. We’ll do the leg work and help you analyze their strengths and weaknesses. Then we’ll put the results to vote. You’ll pick which combatant will decimate their opponent in the knock-down, drag-out brawl of Cocky & Rude Fight Club! Let’s meet this week’s fighters…

MISTER ROGERS

Full Name: Fred McFeely Rogers
Date of Birth: March 20, 1928
Date of Death: February 27, 2003 (aged 74)
Place of Birth: Latrobe, Pennsylvania, U.S.
Hair Color: brown, gray
Relationship Status: Married to Sara Joanne Byrd (1952–2003)
Occupations (current and/or past): Educator, minister, songwriter, television host
Height: 6′
General Demeanor: gentle, soft-spoken
Hobbies: swimming, puppeteering, vegetarianism
Favorite Song: It’s A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood, Tree Tree Tree
Awards: He received the Presidential Medal of Freedom, the United States’ highest civilian honor, a Peabody Award for his career, and was inducted into the Television Hall of Fame. Two resolutions recognizing his work were unanimously passed by U.S. Congress, one of his trademark sweaters was acquired and is on display at the Smithsonian Institution, and several buildings and works of art in Pennsylvania are dedicated to his memory.
Known for: Compassion, patience, and morality
Favorite Outfit: Sweaters, sneakers
Famous Friends: Lady Aberlin, Mr. McFeeley, Prince Tuesday
Favorite Neighbor: the boys and girls of the world
Favorite Puppet: King Friday XIII, Queen Sara Saturday, Prince Tuesday, X the Owl, Henrietta Pussycat, Lady Elaine Fairchilde, Daniel Stripèd Tiger, Cornflake “Corny” S. Pecially, Grandpere Tiger
Catch Phrases: “Won’t you be my neighbor?”
Claim to Fame: creator and host of Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood (1968–2001)
Favorite curse word: none

Fred Rogers was the host of the popular long-running public television children’s show Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood. The show debuted in Pittsburgh in 1967 and was picked up by PBS the next year, becoming a staple of public TV stations around the United States. Rogers’ mild manner, cardigan sweaters and soft speaking voice made him both widely beloved and widely parodied. Rogers ended production of the show in 2001, but reruns of the show continued to be aired on many PBS stations. He died in 2003 after a short battle with stomach cancer. Mister Rogers’s secret weapons include an army of kindness, education and his well-fed fish.

CHRIS D.

AKA / Alias / Nicknames: Blogging as Perspectologist
Date of Birth: In the month of September, ~22 years after the birth of Kermit the Frog.
Place of Birth: A pleasant little neighborhood in New Jersey
Hair Color: Dark Brown
Current Residence: New Jersey
Relationship Status: Ever Single
Occupations (current and/or past): Software Developer
Height: 5’9.5″
General Demeanor: Earnest
Hobbies: Hiking, Programming, wanting (but not making time) to read more books by Kurt Vonnegut and Gore Vidal.
Favorite Song: The Yardbirds – Heart Full Of Soul
Awards: Mostly for participation
Known for: Intense Pondering
Favorite Outfit: Black three-piece suite with a bow tie (Bow ties are cool!)
Famous Friends: 2
Favorite Neighbor: Would be a quiet neighbor that I never see.
Favorite Puppet: Kermit the Frog
Catch Phrases: “You are the master and commander of the ship of your destiny!”
Claim to Fame: Baring myself on my blog, figuratively, and semi-literally.
Favorite curse word: Formerly, Feck, but now Frell!

Chris D. started blogging a few years ago as a way to publish his study of perspective and share his personal experiences with the world. His blog has fallen into hibernation during his most recent retrace back into the quiet world of introversion. Like a mighty Cicada Nymph he will one day emerge, shed his shell, play a percussive song on his abdomen and fly off into a warm breeze. Chris’s secret weapons include reason, patience and perspective.

Who will win in the battle of MISTER ROGERS vs. CHRIS D.? Will Mister Rogers soothe Chris D. into submission with a kind song? Will Chris D. use his powers of patience perspective to overpower Mister Rogers? Will they even fight? There’s only one rational way to decide which fighter will win this battle. We’re putting this no-holds-barred fight to a vote. The poll will be open for approximately 24 hours, and you may vote as many times as you want. That’s right — we’re not blocking repeat votes, so vote now and vote often for your favorite Cocky & Rude Fight Club opponent.

Check back on Sunday for the results!

Thanks to both Chris D. & Michelle M. for your assistance with this post!

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10 Things To Do Before The World Ends

35 Comments Posted by Adam on May 20, 2011

In case you haven’t heard … the end of the world is nearly upon us. This Saturday, at 6pm EST, there will be a word-wide earthquake and God will Hoover all of his followers up to heaven. The rest of us sinners and non-believers will then be tormented with “hell on Earth” for 5 months until which time God will completely destroy Earth and the universe on October 21st. That’s all according to the 91-year-old lunatic and president of the evangelical broadcast Family Radio, Harold Camping. He and his followers have been spreading their word all over billboards, newspaper ads, protest signs and bus benches for quite a while now.

So just in case God skips over you when he’s rapturing all his followers up into the clouds (oh, and by the way, Camping hates the gays) … here are 10 suggestions for what you should spend your time doing over the next 5 months.

1. Take out as many loans and accept as many credit card offers as possible. If you’re like me, you get credit card offers in your mailbox almost every day. Why not accept … them all. Also, visit every bank in town and take anything that they’re willing to loan you. It’s not like you’ll ever have to pay any of it back!

2. Quit your job and ignore all of your responsibilities. Jobs are for broke suckers that are planning for their future. You only have 5 more months, and if you followed step #1, you’re loaded. Why deal with those annoying coworkers and all the rest of your non-fun responsibilities if you don’t have to? Quit! Quit immediately!

3. Have lots and lots and lots and lots of sex. Whether it’s with your one true love, or you’re just banging every man, woman or goat in town … do it a lot. Sex feels good, and if you only have 5 more months to enjoy it, then you better start sexifying every willing participant in sight.

4. Only eat food that’s delicious, even if it’s bad for you. Drink a lot, and take up smoking. Maybe even try some drugs. Mmmm cookies, candy, vodka, cigarettes and acid. They’re now the only food groups you need!

5. Spit in the faces of all your enemies. Walk up to them one at a time, and simply spit into their faces. It’ll make you good, I promise.

6. Travel and see everything you’ve always wanted to see. Assuming that all the roads aren’t jammed with other non-believers and the airplane pilots haven’t all been raptured, it’s time to travel. You’re rich, so it’s time to travel the world. Just avoid all of the steamping pits of lava and that whole “hell on Earth” thing.

7. Stop shaving. Oh wait … I hardly ever do that anyway.

8. Break some stuff. Store windows. Church windows. Car windows. All windows. Mirrors, sculptures, crystal vases, plates, art, chandeliers, expensive things, national monuments… they’re all on my list.

9. Punch horrible people in the face. Donald Trump. Sarah Palin. Justin Bieber. George W. Bush. Glenn Beck, Michele Bachmann, Rush Limbaugh, Jay Leno, Muammar Gaddafi. You’re all on my list!

10. Eat meat. See what you’ve been missing all this time. It’s all gunna die anyway…

11. OOPS! And I almost forgot: Spend a lot of time with the people you love. So what are you going to do during the next (and last) five months of your life? Assuming, of course, that God doesn’t slurp you up to heaven tomorrow.

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My Weird Favorites

6 Comments Posted by Adam on January 25, 2011

Just about everyone has a favorite color, a favorite song, and a favorite breakfast cereal. But today we’re going to talk about you weird favorites. Weird favorites are the ones that you probably don’t share with too many people. They’re weird character traits that most people hear and then quickly call you a “freak.” Here’s just a few of mine:

Cooked Broccoli
Have you finished barfing all over your keyboard? It’s the honest truth: I freak’n love cooked broccoli. Sure raw broccoli is good, but the mushy steamed, boiled or baked varieties reign supreme. Adding some broccoli to a tomato sauce, Indian, Thai or Chinese food, or really just pile it on a plate with a little ~~salt and~~ pepper and I’m in heaven. The texture, the taste … mmmm! Those tiny green trees are my favorite!

Canvas Belts
Unless you’ve recently suffered some sort of skull trauma, you already know that I’m vegan (and before that, I was vegetarian). It’s been about 15 years since I’ve consumed any kind of meat. And along with not eating meat, I also don’t wear it. That means that leather belts, shoes and wallets are a no-no. For the last 15 years, I’ve worked hard to fill a dresser drawer with canvas (and fake-leather) belts of every color and pattern. And no matter how many I own … I keep buying more!

The Smell of Old Books
My first job was as a book shelver at my local county library. And as I was weeding through the piles of books that were soaked with urine and polka dotted with snot, every once and a while I’d come across a clean one. And if I was lucky, that clean book would be very, very old. I’d scan the immediate area and make sure that no one was looking. Then I’d crack it open and give it a quick sniff. That dry, disintegrating old paper smells simply amazing.

Old books, canvas belts and a side of cooked broccoli. So perfect together! But I can’t be the only person with a weird favorite. Tell me a few of yours in the comments!

Adam is Insane, Adventures in Real Life adam, barf, belt, broccoli, canvas, cereal, chinese, eat, Food, Indian, leather, library, old book, smell, snot, Thai, urine, Vegan, vegetarian

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