Tag Archives: vanilla ice cream

Who Needs To Diet When You Can Just Bang Instead?

This guy used to be a fat ass until he started masturbating 100 times a day!

A recent article on Shine From Yahoo! has listed the amount of calories you can burn by participating in romantic activities.

Making Out, 30 minutes: 230 calories
Foreplay20 minutes: 87 calories for women, 107 for men
Unclasping a bra with both hands: 8 calories
Unclasping a bra with one hand: 18 calories
Unclasping a bra with your mouth: 67 calories
Strip Tease: 60 calories
Oral Sex: 100 calories
Missionary Position, 10 minutes: 250 calories
Woman on Top, 10 minutes: 300 calories for women, 130 calories for men
Sex Standing Up: Up to 600 calories for both people
Masturbation: Up to 150 calories per session
Orgasm: From 60-100 calories

What does this mean?

Each time you eat three Oreo cookies (160 calories), you should perform one session of oral sex and then do a strip tease.

After eating a scoop of vanilla ice cream (2-1/2 oz. – 170 calories), you should masturbate and then unclasp a bra with on hand.

After binging on an entire jar of peanut butter (18 oz. – 3,200 calories), you should have sex standing up 5 times and then unclasp about 12 bras with one hand.

I think you get the point…

So how many calories have you burned lately? Why do we even bother exercising when we can just bang instead? And after reading this, are you going to rethink your exercise routine?


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Commenter Cocktails!

Tomorrow is National Martini Day! Because the “M.” in Michelle M. sometimes stands for Mixologist, I created the following cocktails in honor of my favorite bloggers/commenters. Please drink responsibly.

The C&RmyCoke and rum and a splash of Berenger’s zinfandel. Garnish with cheeseball.

For Craig: The Dancing Monkey – Curacao, banana rum, pineapple vodka and cream of coconut.

For Mush: The Goblin Box – Green Goblin apple cider and boxed wine.

For Tam: The TaM/Mtini – Red vodka, Meyer’s Lemon mix and Maple syrup.

For The Kid: It’s not my job to corrupt the kid (that’s all on Adam). So it’s juice for her.
But she can put it in a Solo cup if that helps her cred.

For Nathan: The NathanCanadian whiskey and Kool – Aid.

For newlywed Talita: The Glamourgirlie – Pink vodka, Nuvo sparkling liqueur,
Chambord and pink sugar for the rim.

For john: The Boozy Bunny – Orange tequila, triple sec and carrot juice.

For Paul: The SwirlBailey’s Irish Cream, Kahlua, Chambord, raspberry
and chocolate syrup and whipped cream.

For Chris D.: The EnforcerIrish whiskey, coffee, donut vodka.

For Enrico: The Hotel TuesdayPineapple juice, tears and a maraschino cherry.

For josh: The Trashytini – Citrus vodka, orange and lemon-lime Flavor Ice.

For Ryan: The Skinny Cupcake – Skinny boy margarita and water.

For fdot: The Green Squirrel – Frangelico hazelnut liqueur, peanut vodka,
Nocello walnut liqueur, pistachio liqueur.

For Ty: The Ty One On – This potent potable contains Bulldog Strong Ale,
Bulldog gin and Bulldog rootbeer.

For Mr. Sombrero: The Sexy Sombrero – Sombrero tequila and ginger ale.
Because he has to deal with Adam, I recommend multiple shots.

For TwoPi: The TwoPi – 3.14 oz. Vanilla vodka, 3.14 oz. Apple beer and a splash
of pumpkin spice liqueur. Top off with Cool Whip.

For Jere: The Blind Mascots – Iguana beer, Flying Dog pale ale, Moosehead lager
and a splash of champagne to celebrate graduation from law school.

For Polt: The Purple Passion – Kurant vodka, curacao, grenadine and passion fruit liqueur.

For David P.: The Someone in a Martreeni – Acai vodka, wheat grass and spinach.

For Justin: The Asterisk – Dark Chocolate liqueur, maple liqueur and and an *endlessly* flowing keg of beer.

For Vuboq: The Vuboq – V is for vodka (pear), U is for umbrella, B is for bitters,
O is for Orangecello and Q is for quince liqueur.

Fat Betty: The Blambablam – Whipped cream vodka, caramel vodka, chocolate liqueur,
white chocolate liqueur, cappuccino liqueur, vanilla ice cream, chocolate shavings
and Reddi Whip (to top off drink or to spray directly into mouth).

For Dr. Para: The Dr. Para – Pour all drinks above in a Big Gulp cup, toss in some gummy bears and enjoy!

*Cooper’s cocktail will be featured on Cooper’s Corner Tuesday.

So how will you celebrate National Martini Day? What’s your alcoholic beverage of choice? How does it feel to have a beverage named after you? Did I forget anyone? Let me know in comments!


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