Welcome to the 5th week of Biggest C&R Loser 2013! This year we’ll be keeping all of the results and placings secret until the end of the contest. We’ll also be pooling our cash to award the 2013 winner the largest prize we’ve ever awarded … a whopping $40! This week’s theme is “WHAT DO YOU MISS THE MOST?” — Our contestants have accomplished nearly an entire month of dieting. What do they miss the most? Foods? Laziness? Here’s what they had to say:
I miss the sense of abandon I had before this all started. When I felt like getting dessert, I got dessert. Now…when I eat anything at all I have a philosophical argument with myself that would make Kant proud. The upside could be the successful publication of my treatise called the Metaphysics of Eating.
I wish I was able to stick to the healthy stuff. All the stress eating, which sometimes I’m not aware it’s even taking place until I’m done, is not helping. What I miss is having time to exercise… and being lazy.
This month, I’ve done an excellent job of not eating any fast food. I might not have been perfect so far, but that’s something!
So, after a month of dieting, I have to list what I miss the most. hmm, how about losing weight? I do miss doing that, since I’m not losing any. Course, if I actually tried to diet and exercise more, that may not be an issue. Nah, let me think…what do I miss most? How about my $5. God knows, the way I’m going, I’m never gonna see that money again.
I miss mindlessly stuffing my trap without thinking about, just rating what I want because I want it. More or less. However of um going to win this damn contest I need to step up my game.
I found one last candy cane this morning, stashed in a coat pocket. I saved it… and devoured it on the drive home from work. Now that they’re gone I miss them, even if they were spearmint instead of peppermint. And more generally, I miss the holidays, the weeks of planning for festive meals filled with family, fun, and comfort foods. But hey, Valentine’s Day is coming up, and our tradition is no gifts but a really nice dinner cooked at home. So that’s something to look forward to!
I miss NOT feeling guilty before I eat cookies. And I also miss the cookie that I just ate. I want another one!
What do I miss the most? Well, since I haven’t started dieting or exercising, I would have to say, nothing 
.
Recently the C&Rmy was asked to take a compatibility quiz. After compiling and scrutinizing the data (aka, giving it Harry and making him figure out the percentages), the results were in. Here are your best and worst matches. Love is in the air, so if you need to, dump your significant other, fly across the country, destroy your competition and get ready to woo your true love!
Here at C&R, we’re all about love and happiness. With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, we’re hoping to spread some love by pairing up some previously unattached couples. Vote for your favorite new couple below … and maybe we’ll spark a love connection! *Contestants (except for Mr. Sombrero) are encouraged (but are under no obligation) to bang.
So how did you spend your Valentine’s Day? Out and about with the one you love? Or maybe you sat at home and cried while furiously masturbating and eating chocolates that you bought yourself on clearance at WalMart? Who cares! It’s a new day, and here at C&R we don’t judge you! We love all of our readers the same (except for Michelle M., who we love just a little bit more than the rest of you). So in the spirit of non-judgment, it’s time to embark upon what may be the most disgusting Have You Ever?! quiz since our last incredibly disgusting Have You Ever?! quiz! That’s right — today we’re going to ask you about your deep, dark self-consumption secrets. The rules are the same as they always are. For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments section.
Have You Ever…1. Have you ever tasted your own blood?
2. Have you ever tasted one of your own boogers?
3. Do you consume your own boogers on a regular basis?
4. Have you ever tasted your own ear wax?
5. Have you ever purposefully tasted your own sweat?
6. Have you ever consumed your own fingernails?
7. Have you ever consumed your own toenails?
8. Have you ever licked your hand?
9. Have you ever licked your foot?
10. Have you ever purposely consumed your own hair?
11. Have you ever consumed a scab?
12. Do you consume your own scabs on a regular basis?
13. Have you ever tasted your own acne pus?
14. Have you ever tasted your own tears?
15. Have you ever consumed flakes of your own dry skin?
16. Have you ever pulled off and consumed bits of your skin?
17. Have you ever pulled off and consumed bits of your own scalp?
18. Have you ever tasted your own urine?
19. Have you ever tasted your own feces?
20. Have you ever tasted your own semen?
21. Do you consume your own semen on a regular basis?
22. Have you ever tasted your own vaginal fluids?
23. Have you ever tasted your own menstrual fluids?
24. Have you ever injured yourself to the point of needing medical attention after removing and consuming a piece of your own body?
25. Have you ever been diagnosed and/or treated for problems stemming from self-cannibalism?
When you’re finished eating yourself, tell us your total in the comments!
A thousand years ago or something Hallmark came up with the perfect way to make money. They created a holiday that was all about giving cards and chocolate to your significant other. They decided to name it after some even older and a far deader dude to make sure that people thought the day had more significance than just being about giving chocolates and stuffed animals. It can be a fun holiday if you don’t take it too seriously. Also the sales on chocolate the day after are amazing. The glorious chocolate filled valley between Valentine’s Day and Easter is perhaps the best time of the year for getting your sugar high.
The holiday also comes during the ratings sweepiest time of the year so you are also confronted with every television programs take on how to celebrate the holiday. There are sweeping gestures and huge gifts. There are even a bunch of high schoolers singing silly love songs. The whole thing becomes too much for the singletons out there, some of whom decide to don all black and refuse to acknowledge that anything at all is going on. The whole thing can get kind of sickening.
The singles aren’t the only ones with the stress. If you do happen to have the mythic partner, you are confronted with a lot of choices to make. How to celebrate and what to give can solidify or destroy a relationship. It can be treacherous waters that shouldn’t be taken lightly.
So good luck finding the right thing to do today. You a thousand or so years of capitalistic tradition in your corner. I’m sure you will make the most of it. And if you screw up, you can always eat tons and tons of chocolate tomorrow.
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Have You Ever… With A Condom?!
The rules to Have You Ever?! are simple: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.
1. Have you ever worn a condom?
7. Have you ever stretched a condom over your head?
15. Have you ever put a condom onto someone else?
21. Have you or a partner ever worn a flavored condom?
2. Have you ever purchased condoms?
3. Have you ever brought a friend with you while you bought condoms to make it less uncomfortable?
4. Have you ever bought condoms while with the person you intended on using them with?
5. Have you ever witnessed a condom being put onto a banana in school?
6. Have you ever used a female condom?
8. Have you ever inflated a condom like a balloon?
9. Have you ever used condoms as water balloons?
10. Have you ever thrown away condoms because they had expired?
11. Have you ever practiced putting on a condom by yourself so you were better at it when the opportunity arose later on?
12. Have you ever masturbated while wearing a condom?
13. Have you ever ejaculated into a condom?
14. Have you ever used a condom with a sex toy?
16. Have you ever performed fellatio on partner that was wearing a condom?
17. Have you ever engaged in sexual activities while wearing a condom?
18. Have you ever engaged in sexual activities while a partner was wearing a condom?
19. Have you or a partner ever worn a condom that was ribbed for his or her pleasure?
20. Have you or a partner ever worn a glow-in-the-dark condom?
22. Have you or a partner ever worn a Magnum (or other brand extra-large) condom?
23. Have you or a partner ever broken a condom while engaging in sexual activities?
24. Have you ever drank ejaculate out of a condom?
25. Have you ever saved a used condom?
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