Cocky&Rude

Let’s face it.  Unicorns are way cooler than all of us.  Here’s 10 reasons why Unicorns are Awesome!

1. They have giant phalluses on top of their heads.  And a lot can be said for easy access.

2. They shit rainbows.  And in case you weren’t aware, rainbows can kill people.

3. They pee Skittles.  Which delicious (and occasionally vegan).

4. They’re all gay.  That’s probably why they’re nearly extinct.

5. They’re better than horses. Because horses are stupid with their ugly teeth and gross mouths.

6. They love to hang out at merry-go-rounds.  And who doesn’t love a good merry-go-round?  They’re like Ferris wheels but way less scary.

7. Whether or not they have wings, they can totes fly.  Airplanes, Superman, bats, Falcor … everything that flies is awesome.

8. They’re super annoying, Charlie!  And they love leopluradons, Charlie!

9. Unicorn sexitime is awesome. Just look at that sweet, sweet silhouette.

10. Gingers sing songs about them.  Awful, awful songs … but songs none the less.