Mariah Carey has often screeched into all of our ears that all she wants for Christmas is “You” … but Adam and Mikey are much more materialistic. Here at Cocky & Rude, the boys have mailed their list off to Santa and are expecting all sorts of great things under the tree in a few days. Here’s what they asked for:
Justin Bieber – I would like to be given Justin Bieber for Christmas, so that I may hurl him from the top of a tall building. Adam
James Franco - Good lord he’s hot. Adam
Zac Effron – I need him to show Justin Bieber what his life is going to be like in a few years. Mikey
An Apple iPad - Even though I’ve long proclaimed that I hate Macs, I still want an iPad. And I don’t want a cheap one, I want the Best one. Adam
World Peace – Because it helps to balance out all the other bad things I’m asking for. Adam
More Vegan Options In Restaurants – Seriously, I can’t eat anywhere these days! Adam
More Cheese on Everything – Cheese is the greatest food ever and it should be everywhere. Mikey
Adam to Stop Being Vegan – Because he complains about everything we all eat all the time and then I can make him some real baked goods. Mikey
A Personal Chef – For all the times that I want to eat at home, even though there will be more vegan options in restaurants (see above). Adam
To Quit My Job and Become a Personal Chef (as long as it is not a Vegan Chef) – I love to cook for others as long as it has animal fat on it. Mikey
A Worm Compost Box – Because I watched No Impact Man: The Documentary last week and that thing is cool (until it became infested with flies…). Adam
A Star Trek Transporter – Because commuting is for losers, and I want to be able to see the people I love without traveling. Adam
Want to know what else we want? Check back tomorrow for the end of our list! It’s a doozie!
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Dear Santa, Don't Forget That We Asked Nicely
Are you still looking for the perfect gift for us? Even after yesterday’s amazing list of the most attainable items known to man? Well then get off your duff and buy us this stuff!
A Tummy Tuck, Liposuction, Ab Implants, A Neck Lift, And Lots of Other Plastic Surgery – Because I’m vain and I want to look perfect and beautiful without any work. Adam
A Tummy Tuck, Liposuction, Ab Implants, A Neck Lift, And Lots of Other Plastic Surgery – Because Adam is mean and makes me feel bad about my body. Mikey
Free Rent – I pay rent every month because I’m too poor to buy a house. I’m too poor to buy a house because I pay rent every month. Adam
Ten More Hours in Each Day - I think I need about ten more hours to make myself completely at ease with my world. I could find time to blog creatively enough that Adam won’t whine about it. I really really really need this. Mikey
Google – I’d just like to own it. Is that too much to ask? Adam
For Rainbow Poo to Get Picked Up and Made into a Comedy Central Cartoon – I don’t know if you know this, but Adam has been working his fingers off crafting this comic strip about a superhero made of mulitcolored feces. It is hilarious and poignant. Oh and Michelle McKee drinks alot. Mikey
A New Wardrobe – I noticed yesterday that everything I’ve been wearing is ugly. Adam
A New Wardrobe - Well I actually don’t have one, but I really want one. I would especially like it if the wardrobe is that magic one that allows me to go to Narnia. Mikey
A New Job – One that has a flexible schedule, pays really well and makes me feel good about myself. Adam
More Blog Comments – Until you start blogging, you never realize how much that little number means to you. Now it has become my lifeblood. More! More! More! Adam
People to Shut Up About The Weather – I don’t care if it might/is/has snowed. I don’t care if it might be cold tomorrow. Adam
Adam to Stop Complaining About People Talking About the Weather – People need to have something to talk about when they really don’t care about the person they are talking too. Mikey
Adam to Get Everything He Ever Wanted – Adam is a pretty awesome dude and I think he deserves to be really frakkin’ happy. I want him to have the stuff that makes him that way. Mikey
That’s not too much to ask for, right? So what do you want for Christmas?