Tag Archives: tongue

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What Were They Thinking?!

What was Mel thinking?!
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Michelle’s Random Crap

It’s been a crazy week at the M. compound – what with the back of the house being torn up and rebuilt. I didn’t have time to prepare a well-thought out, humorous post for the three of you to read (that’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it). So here is some random crap.

I’m getting a new window in my office. Hurray!

Cooper is settling in nicely. He loves his toys. He’s sitting on my finger and has ventured out of his cage. I love my little fluffer-nutter!

I just finished this book. It amused me.

I thought I’d try a gluten-free diet*. Maybe I’m allergic to wheat**? Maybe that’s why I’m so tired all the time. Anyway, here are some of the products I’ve tried. Most of them are sad and have strange ingredients and I need to read the labels before I buy them. The crackers have fennel (I hate fennel) and poppy seeds (no thank you). And the chocolate chip cookies*** had chia seeds in them. It was disconcerting. I haven’t noticed any difference in my energy levels, but I’ll give it a little longer.

*I’ve cheated already with a hamburger bun and a tortilla. Oh well.

**I know I should ask to be tested by a doctor, but that would make sense.

***not pictured. Harry finished them off for me. I just noticed that the other package of cookies are dairy-free. That means the chocolate is not officially chocolate, so why bother. Maybe I’ll send them to Adam.

Look at these cool Wonder Woman shoes!

What the hell is Britney doing with her tongue? It’s bizarre. And fascinating.

A while ago I watched Working Girl and was reminded of Melanie Griffith’s disturbing throat clearing tic. I found a video that compiled them. This would make a great drinking game.

Asian babies are awesome. And they do floors!

I was all excited about trying Schweddy Balls. But they didn’t have it at the store, so we had Americone Dream* instead. Boo.

*contains wheat :-(

Long Weekend, Photo Explosion!

I’ve spent the last four days in a constant state of motion.  On Thursday and Friday, I took vacation days from work and met two of my real-world BFFs in the Lancaster, PA area.  One of my BFFs is getting married in a few weeks, so she decided that she wanted to live it up and get wild … in Amish country.  Then on Saturday, Mr. Sombrero and I spent the day in New York City, where we checked out two Tribeca Film Festival movies.  And finally on Sunday, it was a morning of Easter Zombie Jesus Day festivities with my family and then an afternoon of relaxing spring cleaning! Here’s some photos from my crazy weekend:

Wednesday night I spent 45 minutes at the self-service car wash, vacuuming up every spec of dirt, dust and sand on the inside and scrubbing away all of the dirt on the outside of my car.  Thursday morning I was greeted by a dozen blobs of avian diarrhea on its hood and roof.  Ugh.  (That’s my landlord’s truck and half-dead bush in the background.)

Not too far from Lancaster is Adamstown, PA.  That’s where I found Adam’s Antiques!  I never knew that I had an antique store … but with my never-ending energy and obsessive work ethic, it doesn’t surprise me that my antique store is open 7 days a week.

In another antique shop I discovered this super-creepy Donny & Marie costume (I bet that every kid wanted one of these!).  I was a little surprised that the manufacturer chose not to go with the more common phrase, “flame retardant” and instead chose to use … that other word.  (click photo to enlarge)

On the second day of our trip, my friends and I visited Intercourse, PA.  Here’s a photo of me making a duckface next to the sign.

The word “Intercourse” just makes everything funny!

Here’s just one of the many horse and buggies that got in my way as I was trying to speed down the streets of Intercourse in my shit-covered car.

When I finally got home on Friday, I was greeted by Spring and her three perfect pee pee puddles.  Is it weird that I took a picture of this?  Yes, yes it is.

While I was snapping photos of urine clumps on Friday, Mr. Sombrero attended a Tribeca Film Festival screening of Angels Crest, which starred Kate Walsh (she used to be on Grey’s Anatomy, but now she’s on that other show), Jeremy Piven (I loved him when he was on Ellen, but now he’s just a douche), Mira Sorvino (meh) and Thomas Dekker (John Connor in Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles AND he was gay and then not gay and then gay again or something like that … on Heroes).  Here’s a shot of the stars on stage during the post-movie Q&A session.  (click photo to enlarge)

On Saturday, I joined him at the festival where we attended screenings of Gone and Point Blank.

Here’s Kathy Gilleran, the subject and voice of Gone.

From the TribecaFilm.com: This gripping confessional documentary becomes an outlet for a mother to tell the heartrending story of her search for her missing son. Kathy Gilleran, a retired police officer from Ithaca, New York with 20 years under her belt, received a phone call on October 31, 2007. It was from the UN Industrial Development Organization in Vienna, Austria, where her 34-year-old son, Aeryn, was working. He had disappeared.  In Gone, Gilleran shares her personal journey, putting together pieces of what happened, only to have them fall apart again. Talking directly to the camera for most of the film, her articulate manner draws the viewer into her quest for the truth. Mixing in footage she shot while searching for Aeryn in Vienna, she speaks about the frustration with the local police and an investigation full of holes. Like any loving mother, Kathy perseveres—through dead ends, contradicting reports, and signs of homophobia when Aeryn’s openly gay life came into question. Gone will most likely leave many wanting more answers—the same answers Kathy wants.

I was SO jealous that Mr. Sombrero saw famous people without me on Friday… so my eyes were peeled all day.  I may have had stars in my eyes, but I think I saw Connor Paolo (Serena’s gay little bro on Gossip Girl) on the subway and I think I passed Hamish Linklater (the Julia Louis-Dreyfus character’s brother on The New Adventures of Old Christine) in a crowd of people outside our second screening.  Oh, and a member of the festival’s jury, J.D. Heyman sat next to me during the first screening — I googled him, and it looks like he’s a managing editor for People magazine.

Mr. Sombrero insisted upon snapping my photo next to this “I’m Shady” poster.

And I insisted upon him snapping a photo of me tongue kissing one of the sexiest ladies ever: Madea.  Check out my impressive tongue length!

And here’s a photo of an adorable little subway rat!  I called to it, but it refused to come any closer to me.

On Sunday, in celebration of Zombie Jesus Day, I decided to snap a few photos of the pretty flowers that are growing all over my landlord’s property.

I think that this is a daffodil or something.

This one’s a ginger.

And then I decided that it’d be a good idea to clean out the giant closet in my kitchen.  Most people would probably use it as a pantry or something, but I use it more like a shed.  It’s where I store my bike, my tools (I’m handy!), my window-unit air conditioners, computer parts & wires, and some other odds and ends.  This photo would be far more impressive if I had taken a ‘before’ photo …

…but you’ll just have to use your imagination.  Imagine this heap of paper & cardboard recycling in assembled-box-form, filling the entire closet.  Or maybe you can’t even see my mountain of cardboard because you’re blinded by my wallpaper (which is still ugly).  Either way, just believe me that it was a disaster.  And now it’s organized!  Yay!

So that was my way-too-busy 4-day weekend.  What’d you do?

Have You Ever… Been Tattooed or Pierced?!

It’s time for another Have You Ever…?! quiz!  This week’s quiz was inspired by Tam, who has an odd curiosity about all your body modifications.  Kinda weird… but we still love her!  The rules are simple: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points, and post your total in the comments section.  After the quiz, we’ll all meet at the local Piercing Pagoda.  You get a Prince Albert, and I’ll just watch.

1. Do you have one or both ears pierced?
2. Do you (or have you ever) gauged one or both of your ears?
3. Do you have a tongue or other mouth (or lip) piercing?
4. Do you have any other facial piercings (other than mouth & ears)?
5. Do you have one or both your nipples pierced?
6. Do you have a navel piercing?
7. Do you have a genital piercing?
8. Do you have any other body piercings that haven’t already been accounted for by previous questions?
9. Do you have 1 or 2 piercings?
10. Do you have  3-10 piercings?
11. Do you have 11 or more piercings?
12. Do you have a tattoo above the shoulders?
13. Do you have a tattoo above the waist but below the shoulders?
14. Do you have a tattoo below the waist?
15. Do you have 1 or 2 tattoos?
16. Do you have 3-10 tattoos?
17. Do you have 11 or more tattoos?
18. Have you ever had sex with someone who was tattooed?
19. Have you ever had sex with someone who was pierced?
20. Have you ever discovered a tattoo or piercing on your partner while in the throws of passion?
21. Have you ever kissed someone with a mouth piercing?
22. Have you ever received oral pleasures from someone with a mouth piercing?
23. Have you ever had intercourse while you or your partner was wearing a genital piercing?
24. Do you ever regret a piercing or tattoo?
25. Do you have no tattoos and piercings?

You’re so sexy and/or gross!  Now take a moment to stop admiring your colorful body that’s littered with a Swiss cheese-like pattern of piercing holes and post your total in the comments.

The Thrust

I have grown accustomed to seeing random people showing each other affection in public and since I live in New York city there is a lot of affection on display.  However, I think we have crossed a line.  The city might have done a number on the sex shops and hookers in Time Square, but they have been slow to respond to the outrageous number of random heterosexual teenagers sucking face on the subway platforms and trains.  It is quite astonishing what some of these kids will do in public today.  Seriously…I witness some of the most bizarre depravity just last week.

I was happily on my train ride home from work, listening to my music.  I don’t recall what I was listening to precisely, but I’m sure my work addled brain had chosen something relaxing.  As I glanced up from my book, I noticed two flaxen haired teens, a boy and a girl, sitting close to each other on the train.  They seemed cute together and I think I even made an oozy “awww” in my head.  I was obviously not prepared for what happened next.  They started to kiss.  Just small pecks mind you, so I didn’t realize I was about to be blinded by them.  After they were done being all cute and pecky, the girl decided to amp things up.  She started to French kiss that boy with a ferocity a velociraptor reserves for its prey.  When she was done giving him a tooth cleaning she sat back with a satisfied grin on her face.  I think she was just coming up for air.  Her next feat was to put her tongue between her teeth and stab it at her partners mouth in an attempt to pry it open.  She did this several times and eventually worked up enough spittle to get one of those glistening bridges.

I honestly don’t know what she was thinking.  I have never tried that technique before, but I’m pretty sure it doesn’t give either partner that much pleasure, at least not when practiced on the mouth.  Maybe she was advertising herself as open to a lesbian relationship.  Maybe just making out wasn’t enough for her, maybe she needed to show everyone on that train that she had her man and that she could thrust her tongue at him if she so chose.

I was quite grateful that my stop came not long after that siting.  It took me at least 20 minutes to get the image out of my head.  I kept looking at other teens in passing and wincing if their heads started to move toward each other.  I’m glad that we have evolved as a culture to the point that we can allow people to show their love to each other.  I just wish it had no impact on my commute.

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