Did you know that May is National Masturbation Month? I didn’t either … but Tam told me! Before you go celebrate … how about a quick Have You Ever Quiz?
The rules are simple: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.
Have You Ever… Masturbated?!1. Have you ever masturbated?
2. Have you never masturbated?
3. Have you ever masturbated while looking at pornography?
4. Have you ever masturbated while looking at National Geographic magazine?
5. Have you ever masturbated in front of a computer?
6. Have you ever masturbated while watching the news?
7. Have you ever masturbated in a shower?
8. Have you ever masturbated in a bathroom?
9. Have you ever masturbated in a bed?
10. Have you ever masturbated in a bath tub?
11. Have you ever masturbated in a kitchen?
12. Have you ever masturbated in public restroom?
13. Have you ever masturbated in a car?
14. Have you ever masturbated into a sock (or other article of clothing)?
15. Have you ever masturbated into a toilet?
16. Have you ever masturbated into a tissue or paper towel?
17. Have you ever masturbated while using a sex toy?
18. Have you ever masturbated in a moving vehicle?
19. Have you ever masturbated while at work?
20. Have you ever masturbated in a movie theater?
21. Have you ever masturbated at a strip club (or similar location)?
22. Have you ever masturbated on camera?
23. Have you ever masturbated with or in front of another person?
24. Have you ever masturbated with or in front of 2+ people?
25. Have you ever masturbated in your neighbor’s shed?
Now finish spanking your monkey and tell us the total in the comments!
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In case you haven’t seen the news, Norovirus, a gastrointestinal illness commonly confused with the stomach flu or food poisoning has been making its way through many schools, workplaces, families, and public places over the last month or so. Norovirus spreads quickly and causes intense vomiting and diarrhea. Have you ever experienced the symptoms and uncomfortable situations that arise when you have a stomach bug? Let’s find out.
The rules are simple: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a 
single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.
1. Have you ever missed work because you were sick?
2. Have you ever lost your appetite?
3. Have you ever experienced nausea?
4. Have you ever vomited?
5. Have you ever had diarrhea?
6. Have you ever experienced abdominal cramps?
7. Have you ever had a headache?
8. Have you ever had a fever?
9. Have you ever been dehydrated?
10. Have you ever had chills?
11. Have you ever had muscle aches?
12. Have you ever shat in your pants?
13. Have you ever sent someone to the store for you to buy supplies? (food, beverages, medicine, tissues, etc.)
14. Have you ever ran to make it to the bathroom in time?
15. Have you ever vomited in public?
16. Have you ever shat yourself in public?
17. Have you ever vomited onto another person?
18. Have you ever slept on the bathroom floor so you would be closer to the 
toilet when you woke up?
19. Have you ever cleaned up someone else’s vomit?
20. Have you ever cleaned up someone else’s diarrhea?
21. Have you ever identified previously consumed food while you were vomiting it back up?
22. Have you ever vomited so much that you had nothing left to vomit?
23. Have you ever pooped so much that you had nothing left to poop?
24. Have you ever needed to vomit and diarrhea at the same time?
25. Have you every actually vomited and diarrheaed at the same time?
Did this blog post freak your freak and gross your gross? Don’t worry! Norovirus can be avoided by frequently washing your hands and staying away from infected people. If you’re sick, please stay hydrated and stay home. If necessary, seek medical attention. You’ll probably feel better in a few days.
Tell us your total in the comments!
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C&R’s last crowdsourced Friday Five was such a hit that I’ve decided to do it again. Here’s your Friday Five!
From Polt: What did I love about this week? Freshly laundered bedsheets, still warm from the dryer. Slapping these little slices of heaven right on the bed and then sliding between them, rolling onto your side, pulling the sheet up to your nose and making yourself a little cocoon of warm, comfy, lavender-scented awesomeness is one of life’s greatest pleasures! Next to a night with three Asians with hairthings spent on those sheets. Yeah, that would be better.
From Tam: My new favourite thing is PC Caramelized Red Onion Chutney. At our house we hate mustard and we hate mayonnaise, so sometimes sandwiches are a little dry, but since I discovered this product … *swoon*. The description: With a fusion of English-style malt vinegar and Italian balsamic vinegar of Modena, along with brown sugar, herbs, spices, and slow-cooked caramelized onions, our zesty chutney adds a dash of vibrancy to your dishes. Imported from United Kingdom. Doesn’t that sound yummy? I guess the imported thing explains the price, a bit steep, but worth every cent to liven up my sandwich. I see they use butter in it so it’s not vegan. Sorry Adam.
From Craig: M&Ms – Growing up in my parents house, Mom always kept bowls of red and green M&Ms scattered around the house around Christmas. (For our Canadian readers, M&Ms are like your Smarties but a million and a half times better.) I carried the tradition over to my new place for my first Christmas on my own and it was fantastic. Easy access to M&Ms at all times with no one but myself to eat them? Yes please! Even after the Christmas season ended, and all the red and green M&Ms had made their way through my toilet and into your drinking water, I’ve kept the tradition alive by keeping original M&Ms on my coffee table at all times. Not only are they extremely delicious, but they add a splash of color to my drab earth toney living room!
From Mikey: So there was this thing called the Super Bowl on Sunday. You might have heard of it. Well anyway, before the game aired NBC ran a commercial/promo wishing everyone a Happy Super Bowl. Sure this sounds like typical network TV fare for the most watched event of the year. What made this one amazing was the fact that someone (most likely Tina Fey) got a bunch of the stars of NBC’s shows together to sing and dance to “Brotherhood of Man” from How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying. The result…magic. And GAY magic, which only happens during Madonna Super Bowls.
From Michelle M.: A federal appeals court ruled against California’s voter-approved ban on same-sex marriage (Prop 8) on Tuesday. Finally.
This week’s runners up: the state of Washington, The premier of Smash, slow cookers, painting bottles, Dance Moms (last weeks competition took place at East Islip High School!), Happy Endings, Archie Panjabi, The River, cat breading and hardcore gay pornography.
Shat – past tense of shit Verb.
1. vulgar. Expel feces from the body.
2. vulgar. Soil one’s clothes as a result of expelling feces accidentally.
The rules to Have You Ever?! are simple: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.
Have You Ever?!1. Have you ever shat in a toilet?
2. Have you ever shat because you were scared?
3. Have you ever shat while reading?
4. Have you ever shat while sending a text message?
5. Have you ever shat while talking on the telephone?
6. Have you ever shat while surfing the Internet?
7. Have you ever shat while watching TV?
8. Have you ever shat while tweeting?
9. Have you ever shat so much that it clogged a toilet in your own home?
10. Have you ever shat so much that it clogged a toilet in someone else’s home?
11. Have you ever shat so much that it clogged a toilet in a public restroom?
12. Have you ever shat on the side of the road?
13. Have you ever shat in a porta-potty?
14. Have you ever shat in an outhouse?
15. Have you ever shat in the woods?
16. Have you ever shat in your pants by accident?
17. Have you ever shat your pants because you couldn’t get to the bathroom fast enough?
18. Have you ever shat your pants while driving?
19. Have you ever shat into your hand?
20. Have you ever shat in a shower or bathtub?
21. Have you ever shat in a brown paper bag with the intent to light it on fire on someone’s doorstep?
22. Have you ever shat during sex?
23. Have you ever shat while receiving or performing fellatio (or cunnilingus) on the toilet?
24. Have you ever shat while having sex on the toilet?
25. Have you ever shat onto someone else?
Now go take a shit, wipe, pull up your pants, wash your hands, come back to the computer, and then tell us your total in the comments!
Let’s face it. YOU LOVED MY POST ABOUT PEEING! Everyone did. It’s the talk of the town. Two people even gave it 5 stars. That’s the most starts that anyone can give a post! Yay! (Both people were me.) And let it never be said that I don’t give the people what they want. You love pee? I WILL GIVE YOU PEE! Just sit back and enjoy the pee. I’ll give you so much pee… SO MUCH! I will pee all over you!
The rules are simple: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. 
When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.
1. Have you ever missed the toilet while peeing?
2. Have you ever remained standing while peeing?
3. Have you ever read a book or magazine while peeing?
4. Have you ever answered a phone call while peeing?
5. Have you ever read a text message while peeing?
6. Have you ever sent a text message while peeing?
7. Have you ever splashed urine or toilet water onto yourself while peeing?
8. Have you ever showered while peeing?
9. Have you ever slept while peeing? (Oh no! You wet the bed! Mom and Dad will be so angry even though you’re just developing slowly and it’s not 
your fault!!!!)
10. Have you ever trimmed your pubes while peeing?
11. Have you ever cried while peeing?
12. Have you ever pooped while peeing?
13. Have you ever consumed food or beverage while peeing?
14. Have you ever vomited while peeing?
15. Have you ever crossed your stream with someone else’s while peeing?
16. Have you ever had a conversation with someone while peeing?
17. Have you ever peeked at someone else’s private parts while peeing?
18. Have you ever experienced pain or discomfort while peeing?
19. Have you ever contemplated murder while peeing?
20. Have you ever been inside a moving vehicle while peeing?
21. Have you ever let your pants fall to the ground while standing in front of a urinal in a public restroom while peeing? (Yes this seems to happen quite often for some reason.)
22. Have you ever contemplated your political party affiliation while 
peeing?
23. Have you ever proposed marriage (or a civil union) while peeing?
24. Have you ever admired Polt’s ass while peeing?
25. Have you ever thought about Justin and his honey Allen while peeing?
Go take a piss, shake it off or wipe (whichever applies), zip up, wash your hands, come back to the computer, and then tell us your total in the comments!
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Have You Ever … Had Bad Business Etiquette?!
The rules are simple: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.
1. Have you ever farted loudly at work?
7. Have you ever hung up the telephone on a client/supplier/customer?
13. Have you ever left the copier jammed after you jammed it?
21. Have you ever been physically struck by a coworker
2. Have you ever burped loudly at work?
3. Have you ever pooped your pants at work?
4. Have you ever cursed at a coworker?
5. Have you ever been cursed at by a coworker?
6. Have you ever hung up the telephone on a coworker?
8. Have you ever stunk up the office with your nasty smelling food?
9. Have you ever eaten someone else’s food out of the office fridge?
10. Have you ever hogged the work microwave for 5 minutes warming up frozen food?
11. Have you ever borrowed office supplies off of a coworkers desk and not returned them?
12. Have you ever finished the office coffee and not made another pot?
14. Have you ever stolen office supplies from the office for home use?
15. Have you ever been reprimanded for not adhereing to the dress code at work?
16. Have you ever clogged the toilet at work and not tell anyone?
17. Have you ever snuck out of the office early and not tell anyone?
18. Have you ever used your lunch hour to interview for another job?
19. Have you ever complained about your job on facebook while at your job?
20. Have you ever physically struck a coworker?
22. Have you ever sexually harassed a coworker?
23. Have you ever been sexually harassed by a coworker?
24. Have you ever been sexually harassed by your boss?
25. Have you ever had sex with a coworker?
Tell us your total in the comments!
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