Welcome to Cocky & Rude Fight Club: ROUND TWO! The rules to the game are simple. Each week we’ll re-introduce our fighters. We’ll give them each a chance to speak their mind. Then we’ll put the results to vote. You’ll pick which combatant will decimate their opponent in the knock-down, drag-out brawl of Cocky & Rude Fight Club! Let’s meet this week’s fighters…
Each week of Round Two, we’ll drop three Round One winners into the ring and see who remains standing after a 24-hour Cocky & Rude Fight Club vote. Today’s contestants are: Ty, Mush & Jere!
Our resident Jeopardy! genius, Ty, faced off against the wheelchair-bound genius, Stephen Hawking on July 7th. The theoretical physicist and cosmologist proved no match for man that tells federal judges what to do, when Ty trounced Hawking with 73% of the popular vote.
I didn’t watch professional wrestling as a kid, and I don’t watch professional basketball as an adult, so I’m not super familiar with the concept of trash talk. According to my extensive Internet research, I should threaten to kill my opponents and their loved ones, impugn their paternity, and imply that I have had sexual relations with their significant others. That seems a bit harsh. So instead, I will say what I said to my opponents on Jeopardy!: “Good luck, suckas!!” -Ty
The following week, Michelle “Mush” Morgan faced off against Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson in the epic battle of Mush vs. Rock. The Rock’s expert wrestling moves and experience hitting people with folding chairs proved useless against Mush’s fiery Mexican food farts and superior IT skills when she beat The Rock with a very close 53% of the popular vote.
Just ’cause you bitches are big, strong, strapping boys don’t mean that my old age and treachery won’t overcome! I will beat your asses! I will dominate! YOU ARE GOIN’ DOWN!!! -Mush
Jere battled the animated twosome, Tom & Jerry in his first C&R Fight Club battle. Did the cat and mouse’s giant hammers, mouse traps, stinky cheese and presumable invincibility and immortality slow Jere down in his battle? Nope! He dragged the cartoons to court, sued (and kicked) their asses with a win of 95% of the popular vote.
Those queens? Please. When I’m done cock-slapping them around this fight, they’re both gonna wish they had never seen me. Let us pray the pimp’s prayer for these bitches. Lord, please pray for the soul of these pussies and guide my pimp hand and make it strooong Lord! So that they might learn a ho’s place. Amen! -Jere
Who will win in the battle of Ty vs. Mush vs. Jere? There’s only one rational way to decide who will win this battle. We’re putting this no-holds-barred fight to a vote. The poll will be open for approximately 24 hours, and you may vote as many times as you want. That’s right — we’re not blocking repeat votes, so vote now and vote often for your favorite Cocky & Rude Fight Club opponent.
Check back on Sunday for the results!
Thanks to Michelle M., Ty, Mush & Jere for your assistance with this post!
Wanna play along at home? Do you think you can pick the winners?
Here’s a handy-dandy bracket for you to keep track of Cocky & Rude Fight Club. (Click to enlarge)
Round Two will be made up of six three-way battles. Round Three will be made of two more three-way battles. After that there will be one final round to determine the Cocky & Rude Fight Club Champion! Who do you think will win the whole contest? Pick the winner in the comments! Or if you’re feeling extra-bored today, send us your completed bracket and I’ll post any that I receive on Sunday. …if I receive any.
Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Or in my case, laziness. So here are some ideas that were stolen inspired by some of my favorite bloggers.
Knitting and gorgeous photos can be found onCabezelana. I don’t know how to knit, so I hopped on a plane and headed for Mel’s future home, Iceland, to see what all the fuss is about.
I Deny You the Nidus! has a macabre little game called “Guess That Grave.” FDot gives three clues, but I couldn’t narrow it down. Who knew dead people could be so fascinating?
This person:
set an equine high jump record that stood for more than 25 years
originally wanted to be a math (yuck) professor.
had an aversion to any kind of profanity, noting that it was a waste of time. No off color stories were allowed to be told in his presence.
suffered intense migraine headaches which were sometimes reported as bouts of drunkenness.
was tone deaf and could not recognize any of the light airs of the time; military music was especially annoying to him.
abhorred red meat of any kind, and the sight of blood made him ill. Consequently, he insisted on his meat being cooked on the verge of being charred. He would not eat any kind of fowl, but was fond of pork and beans, fruit, and buckwheat cakes.
Tam’s Reads has book reviews galore (interspersed with photos of hot guys!). Here is my book report of Tina Fey’s Bossypants:
This book is filled with sarcastic, self-deprecating humor – from the picture on the front to the blurbs on the back. It’s a fast read that touches on Tina Fey’s work and personal life. I wish she had gone into a little more depth regarding Mean Girls (and her other movies), her years at SNL, and her experiences at 30 Rock. And there was no dish about the celebrities she has worked with. I demand gossip! But bonus points for including unflattering photos of herself. I would recommend this book – but not enough to buy it. Borrow it from a friend or from the library.
Enrico at Hotel Tuesday posts the most adorable journal entries from his childhood. I don’t have any schoolwork saved from my childhood, but I did find this “ghost in the attic” tucked in a book. I think I was in 2nd or 3rd grade at the time:
Social butterfly VUBOQ blogs about his wonderful pottery, yummy cocktails, ironing, blobbing and hanging out with letters of the alphabet. I can’t stand clay under my nails, so here I am ironing and enjoying a martini. Later I blobbed on the couch with H.
Xi_Heather and TwoPi have a math blog,360. Like Barbie, I am allergic to math. I do have a nifty calculator with sparkly buttons, though.
Marry, F*ck or Kill on Jere’s blog, Blind Prophecy is a fun and thought provoking game. You must pick one person you would marry, one you would make sweet love to and one you would meet in the conservatory with a lead pipe. Here is the “all grown up” edition.
Choice One: Brian Austin Green (Beverly Hills 90210, Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles)
Choice Two: Jason Bateman (Silver Spoons, Arrested Development)
Choice Three: Mark Paul Gosselaar (Saved By the Bell, Bangers and Mash)
Perspectologist often contains thoughtful explorations of Chris D.’s life/feelings (with bonus nudie pics). But I don’t have feelings. And you do not want to see me without clothes. TRUST. So we’ll just move along.
Cocky & Rude‘s Mikey and YouTube videos go hand in hand. Here is a video that made me cry kawaii tears. Forget puppies, I want Asian twins for Christmas!
Craig’s debates at Puntabulous are both controversial and hysterical. Here, Harry and I debate dark chocolate (yuck!) vs. milk chocolate (delicious!). Who do you think makes the most convincing argument? (Don’t forget who can paste your head on something unfortunate).
David P. atSomeone in a Tree has a weekly tent pitch. So I found a tent pitch of my own to share.
And here are David’s answers to the C&R Studio (better late than never). Fave word: vacation Least fave word: sorry Turn on: muscles Turn off: slovenliness Sound likes: harmony Sound dislikes: car alarms Vocation like to try: actor Vocation least like to try: sanitation worker If heaven exists, what would he like God to say: “Thank you for all your hard work.”
Paul at Where The Parkway Ends (is he ever going to start blogging again?) posts catchy little tunes for your drive to and from work. Here is my boppy little “Friday Morning Commute Sing-a-long Song.” What Do All the People Know is a one-hit wonder from the San Diego band, The Monroes:
John doesn’t have a blog, but he does have a Question of the Day he poses on Facebook. The trend these days seems to be for marines to ask celebrities to the Marine Corp Ball. Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake have already accepted. Betty “Heartbreaker” White declined (luckily, Linda Hamilton came to the rescue). Anywayzle, here is my QOTD: If you were a marine, which celebrity would you invite to the ball?
Mush atGoblinbox is a bento magician. She really makes the most mouthwatering bento boxes. This is my first foray into bento-ing. Those little tortilla people are Mikey and Adam.
Don’t they look delicious?
Adam likes to live on the edge. Here is a gross/dangerous game he likes to play on Cocky & Rude. But why should he have all the fun? How many goldfish crackers (Xplosive Pizza!)* do you think Harry can cram into his mouth?
*I will never eat goldfish crackers again.
I’ll give the grave and mouth cram answers in the comment section at the end of the day. Thanks for all the entertainment/humor you have provided through your blogs – you guys are the best!
Last Thursday’sCocky & Rude Fight Club bout between Michelle “Mush” Morgan and Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson was close, but in the end Michelle reigned victorious. In this surprising battle, it was only eight votes that separated the winner from the loser. We at C&R think that Michelle’s tits and her resistance to Mexican food was probably what took her all the way to the winner’s circle — earning her 66 votes (or 53%). The Rock’s wrestling moves and acting chops just weren’t strong enough, earning him 58 votes (or 47%). Perhaps The Rock is getting a little … soft?
Welcome to Cocky & Rude Fight Club! The rules to the game are simple. Each week we’ll introduce our fighters. We’ll do the leg work and help you analyze their strengths and weaknesses. Then we’ll put the results to vote. You’ll pick which combatant will decimate their opponent in the knock-down, drag-out brawl of Cocky & Rude Fight Club! Let’s meet this week’s fighters…
DWAYNE
“THE ROCK”
JOHNSON
AKA / Alias / Nicknames: Flex Kavana, Rocky Maivia, The Rock, The People’s Champion, The Brahma Bull, The Great One Date of Birth: May 2, 1972 (age 39) Place of Birth: Hayward, California Hair Color: Black Current Residence: Los Angeles, CA Relationship Status: Divorced from Dany Garcia with whom he has one daughter: Simone Alexandra Occupations (current and/or past): actor & professional wrestler Height & Weight: 6’4″, 260lb Hobbies: philanthropic efforts, football Favorite Song: (Possibly) You Send Me Awards: 2001 Teen Choice award for “Choice Sleezebag”, various WWF/WWE fight wins Known for: Muscles & Wrestling Catch Phrases: “Can you smell what The Rock is cooking?!” Tattoos:various Honor: During a visit to Samoa in July 2004, he was anointed by Head of State Susuga Malietoa Tanumafili II with the chiefly title of ‘Seiuli, Son of Malietoa’ Favorite curse word: “Candy Ass”
Dwayne Douglas Johnson was born in Hayward, California on May 2nd 1972 to Rocky Johnson and Ata Johnson. While growing up, Dwayne traveled around a lot with his parents and watched his father perform in the ring. During his high school years, Dwayne began playing football and he soon received a full scholarship from the University of Miami where he had tremendous success as a football player. In 1995, Dwayne suffered a back injury which cost him a place in the NFL. He then signed a 3 year deal with the Canadian League but left after a year to pursue a career in wrestling. He made his wrestling debut in the USWA under the name Flex Kavanah where he won the tag team championship with Brett Sawyer. In 1996, Dwayne joined the WWE and became Rocky Maivia, later known as The Rock. In 2001, he began his transition into film, with The Mummy Returns. He has since starred in many films, including The Scorpion King, Be Cool, Get Smart, Tooth Fairy, and Fast Five. His secret weapons include: his hulking size and strength (not so secret…), numerous wrestling moves, a tight pair of wrestling Speedos, the ability to constantly refer to himself in the third person, and extensive experience fighting in cages and hitting people with folding chairs.
MICHELLE
“MUSH”
MORGAN
AKA / Alias / Nicknames: Mush Date of Birth: 9/29/68 Place of Birth: Kennewick, WA Hair Color: Brown Current Residence: An attic Relationship Status: Blessedly single Occupations (current and/or past): Deli waitress; executive secretary; network engineer Height & Weight: 5’4″, 135lbs. Hobbies: Sleeping, reading, drinking coffee Favorite Song:You’re Breakin’ My Heart Awards: Hah! As if. The average don’t win awards. (C&R Note: What about BC&RL2?!) Known for: Being a friendly drunk. Catch Phrases: “Shut the fuck up.” Tattoos: Three Claim to Fame: Can eat Mexican food every day for months on end without ill effects. Secret Weapons: He’s straight and I have tits. Favorite curse word: FUCK
In her own words: “I want to be a veterinarian because I love children. I have no kids and no pets, and everything I own in the whole entire world would fit into the bed of a small pickup. I don’t happen to actually own a pickup, but I do have an old bicycle. It’s red. My aunt gave it to me. I dig it.” Michelle’s secret weapons include a beautiful singing voice that will cause anyone to stop what they’re doing and listen, fiery Mexican food farts, superior IT skills that can save or destroy any computer system, spiked bicycle tires and giant arm muscles.
Who will win in the battle of MUSH vs. ROCK? Will Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson smash Michelle “Mush” Morgan with his giant muscles and wrestling moves? Or will Michelle destroy his computer and run him over with her bicycle? There’s only one rational way to decide which fighter will win this battle. We’re putting this no-holds-barred fight to a vote. The poll will be open for approximately 24 hours, and you may vote as many times as you want. That’s right — we’re not blocking repeat votes, so vote now and vote often for your favorite Cocky & Rude Fight Club opponent.
Check back on Sunday for the results!
Thanks to both Michelles for your assistance with this post!
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