Our tenth week is complete! Today our contestants celebrate ten weeks into the cockiest and rudest weight loss competition evahhhh! It’s Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3!
As we begin the 11th week of BC&RL3, we take a peek at somewhere BC&RL has never gone before … into the cupboards! Much like our ‘in the fridge’ week, this week we take a look inside each of our contestant’s cupboards, pantries, or wherever they’re storing their non-refrigerated foodstuff. Check it out!
TwoPi
Our pantry is a converted broom closet. The top two shelves hold liquids (olive oil, vinegar, key lime juice, Thai fish sauce, etc…), while the next two shelves are mostly canned goods (lots of pineapple, tuna, various soups, tomatoes, etc….) The lowest shelves (mostly off camera) have non-food items, such as trash bags and various food storage items. I mostly use the stuff on the top two shelves; the rest of the pantry mostly consists of forgotten items lost in the transition from grocery bag to dust bin.
Tam
This could be called my Carb Cupboard (sorry Polt). This picture shows it tidier than it sometimes is, and messier than at other times. The top shelf is carb heaven – pasta, noodles, mac & cheese and rice; second shelf is canned goods and things like drink mixes; third shelf is breakfast stuff – cereal, juice (and ice-cream toppings – not so breakfasty); fourth shelf is snacks – crackers, chips, popcorn, little fruit cup thingies for lunches; bottom shelf is trash bags, light bulbs and potatoes. There is a shelf above you can’t see, but it is empty juice jugs, vases and booze. Ahem.
Mr. Sombrero
All I have are spices and shit. I’m going for the win. Vote for me in The Messiest A** Pantry – 2012. Yeah, no comment.
Ryan
Most of my non-refrigerated food is in these three cupboards. The others contain some spices and extra dry goods. Note the supply of oatmeal, raisins, and cinnamon ready for breakfast.
Polt
So this week, we’re talking what’s in our cupboard. In my cupboards all I have are dishes, glasses, Tupperware, that sorta stuff. I do have a pantry, but I use that for storage purposes. And I have a series of shelves in the cellar way, but they only contain some cans of soup, green beans, spaghetti-O’s, fruit salad, some salad dressing and a lonely can of tuna. Most of my non-refrigerated food I just store on my counter top like so: cereal, popcorn, peanut butter, whole wheat bread, spray cheese, sugarless caramels, Pringles, and Crystal Light. I don’t eat the pathetic looking plant there, I’ve had Janis for about ten years, longer than any plant I’ve ever had.
Mikey
You can see that I keep my kitchen cabinets better stocked than the fridge. That is influenced by the fact that I am obsessed with having every possible spice on hand in case it ever comes up in an exotic recipe. AND I DON’T HAVE THEM ALL YET. You can also see healthy olive oil on one shelf and brown rice on the other. See…I am trying.
Michelle M.
We have a tiny cupboard. Here’s what’s in it.
1. coffee (for Harry) tea and hot chocolate
2. canned vegetables and beans
3. nuts, popcorn, raisins, nuts and emergency chocolate
4. rice, pasta, lentils, Asian noodles
5. bread, soup, vegetable and chicken broth
6. cooking oils, hot sauce, pasta sauce, peanut butter
7. cereal, granola bars, pretzels, crackers
8. baking stuff
9. Harry’s breakfast fixings (oatmeal and stuff to make it taste good).
Adam
Left top: teas, oatmeal, olive oil. Left middle: Emergen-C, random ingredients, soy sauce, pepper oil, balsamic vinegar. Bottom left: lots of spices and seasonings. Top right: flour, rice, sugars. Middle right: Indian food, raisins, Maggi noodles, lentils, popcorn. Bottom right: canned veggies, sauces and vitamins.
And now the week’s results:
Stay tuned each Thursday for the stunning weight-loss success stories of our eight contestants. Who will win this year’s competition? Find out on May 31st … just in time for bikini season!
This year’s Bloggy Gift Exchange featured 25 bloggy friends, 24 awesome gifts, 2 countries, lots of smiles, lots of sugar, a few tears, a pack of Magnum condoms, and tons and tons more. Thanks to everyone for making this year’s gift exchange a huge success! We’re truly a classy bunch, and here’s the proof:
To: Mush
From: Nathan
…here’s my awesome nerdy gifts from bassoonist Nathan! Yay! It’s a virulent rabies plush and a sciency Doctor Who disappearing TARDIS mug! This photo image came out just the way I wanted it. YES THAT’S RABIES ON MY HEAD AND I AM GLAD TO SEE YOU. COFFEE? SPACE-TIME CONTINUUM? RAAAAAAAAAAAABIEEEEEES!
To: Polt
From: Tam
Tam had my name and she sent me a book about the quirks and histories of comic books and also a Dallas Cowboys garden gnome. Only thing that coulda made the gift better was to have it delivered by a Speedo-clad Asian Twinkie with a hairthing. This is the photo of me enjoying them both. HUGS…
To: Adam
From: Polt
Santa Polt (and his award-winning ass) sent me a box full of the world’s two best things: plaid and purple. Thanks to Polt, I can be cozy and formal with this super-warm hat and fantastic tie. I plan to wear them both as I spend many hours each night drawing pictures of Craig getting peed on or amassing enormous lists of blog post tags. Maybe this tie will help me land a great new high-paying job in the new year? I’m totally going to wear them both on my lumberjack interview next week! Fingers crossed that it pays well!
To: Mikey
From: FDot
FDot sent me this amazing life size TARDIS. Along with my dancing monkey fez, I think I make a very convincing Doctor. I also think I should use my TARDIS to go back in time and prevent myself from eating whatever it is that made me look so fat in this photo. I honestly do not care if doing so destroys the fabric of time.
To: Ty
From: VUBOQ
VUBOQ made me a beautiful mug and bowl. He also got me TWO varieties of Reese’s. I could only assume he wanted me to use it all to make a nutritious holiday breakfast.
To: Craig
From: Ty
My gift from Ty was titled Craig’s Sex-Mas Adventure! It was a three step process. First I was told that the clothes make the man, so he gave me this shirt and told me to put it on, then peel it off sexily. then he told me to spritz myself with cologne and dream of Cumming (Alan, that is), and finally I was taught that chocolate is a well known aphrodisiac and to sample these delicious chocolates to get in the mood. Once I finished the chocolates I was met with a horrific sight too reprehensible for words and I lost my hard-on immediately. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get it up again. Merry Christmas to me, I guess. 
To: Mel
From: Ryan
I got a phenomenally well-packed box from Ryan consisting of two types of cookies and a Christmas mix CD. The cookies were all painstakingly wrapped to arrive intact. I was singularly impressed, even though I’d have happily eaten crumbs.
To: Tam
From: Mr. Sombrero
My bloggy gift came from the wonderful Mr. Sombrero in “Jersey”. It was full of all kind of delightful things to eat from many different places. There was cherry jam from Croatia (which I ate on my bagel Christmas morning and it was delish), French cookies, British tea, chocolate from lots of place including some kind of potato chocolate thing from Idaho. 0_0 Chocolate poker chips and chocolate from Dylans, a gingerbread cookie that looks like a NYC cab, and a lolly with my initial on it. Now that I’ve taken the picture I’m looking forward to trying them all. Thanks so much for the fun foods, none of which I’ve tried before.
To: Kristen “The Kid”
From: Talita
So Talita was my secret Santa which was wonderful because everything she gave me was perfect! Included in my “care package” was two perfectly scented candles (cranberry pear Bellini and candied sugar plum), some nail polish, peppermint foot cream from Lush, spider man head phones (which I squealed over they were wonderful), some hot chocolate, tea, soap, some lip products and a cookie! It was wonderful, I love everything so much 
To: Jere
From: David P.
Here are photos of my gifts from David P. I would post pictures of myself enjoying the gifts like the booze and condoms (and I did enjoy them – I’ve been a naughty boy this holiday), but I’m afraid that you would use it as often as you use that picture of Polt’s ass. Sorry. The comic book magnet has a wonder woman costume malfunction joke that’s lost on me, but the chocolate covered stuff was yummy.
Note: the post-its in the photo are – alcohol: “because you like BOOZE”; chocolate: “because you like things covered in CHOCOLATE”; magnet – “because you are a comic book GEEK”; condoms – “because you have big FEET”
To: Michelle M.
From: Mikey
My gift came from Mikey. He sent two BIG bags of cookies, and a whole bunch of Hershey’s kisses. They were delicious and didn’t last long. And I should get major points for sharing with Harry. I also received these amazing Wonder Woman socks (complete with capes), perfect for fighting crime, reading in bed, attending a live action Wonder Woman movie, etc. I love(d) all my gifts – Thank you Mikey!!
To: John
From: Craig
I received my gifts from none other than Mr. Puntabulous himself: Craig! Here you can see the Christmas bunnies looking at the gifts Craig sent (and eyeing the Alfa-carrots). Craig sent me a card of bunnies avoiding the ark; which is part of a series on bunny deaths; it totally made me laugh! He sent me a cd of new Craig Christmas music. And piece de résistance: a dancing monkey t-shirt and pants.
I believe that this is Craig’s way of marking me as king of the dancing monkeys. Do not fear, I will be a benevolent ruler…All shall love me and DISPAIR!!!
Thanks Craig! I love my gifts! The carrots were tasty, the music fun and the pjs comfortable.
To: Ryan
From: Mush
I got this awesome package from Mush. It included two CDs (buddha-bar VIII by Sam Popat and Live in Las Vegas by Santa Fe and The Fat City Horns), Oryx and Crake by Margaret Atwood, and the Animatrix DVD. I haven’t had much of a chance to listen to the CDs because I’ve been inundated with new music and been busy with non-music listening activities, but what I’ve heard so far has me excited. It’s outside my usual genres, which is the hardest to find good new music. I’m also looking forward to reading the book. I really enjoyed Atwood’s The Handmaid’s Tale and was intending to explore her other work. I’m also looking forward to watching the collection of shorts exploring the time before the Matrix movies.
To: TwoPi
From: Jere
My Bloggy Gift giver was Jere. He gave me an Elvis beanie baby (from the Elvis Museum in Las Vegas!), and set me up with the ultimate in New Year’s Eve eye-wear for Times Square, or the local equivalent, a gathering of friends assessing Dick Clark’s ability to count backwards. Cajun chefs have their holy trinity of bell peppers, onions, and celery — for TwoPi, the holy trinity is Elvis, Vegas, and Purple — and no day can match their over-the-top glories better than New Year’s Eve! Fantastic!
To: Heather (Xi)
From: Justin
I got the most fabulous present from Justin: a replica of one of the original Education Monkey multiplication tools, invented in 1916 and named after Consul the performing monkey. You move the feet so that they point to two numbers at the bottom, and then the hands [yes, hands -- stop giggling] point to the product. I’ve never heard of this before, or seen anything like it, which makes it especially exciting. Thank you thank you thank you!
To: Chris D.
From: Michelle M.
Michelle M. gave me an amazing assortment of gifts! She gave me a candy cane, Charlie Brown Christmas CD, Peppermint Bark, a vintage Christmas postcard (from 1911, it is like a perfect little time capsule from a bygone era!), a Marcel the Shell with Shoes on book (I LOVE IT!), AND…… a Marcel the Shell with Shoes on figure!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This made me smile a whole lot! Michelle M. is an amazing gift giver! 
To: Nathan
From: Chris D.
For my present I received, not one, but two beginner Japanese books! This was an amazing present for me because I’m hoping to actually go to Japan next year. Thanks so much to Chris for my fantastic gift. He even made me a little homemade ornament for the Christmas tree at home! An excellent gift.
To: Mr. Sombrero
From: Kristen “The Kid”
My gift from Santa “The Kid” Kristen was amaaaahzing and layered to satisfy all the senses! Not only did it include the best thing the Western civilization came up with – a box of Holiday edition Smarties (the Canadian ones, not the US kind; think M&M’s in a harder shell) – but also, and this is the even more awesome, a donation of a mango tree for school kids in Rwanda. Now that’s a global gift that keeps on giving. And to signify the donation, my gift also included a box of dried mangoes, yummmmmm… So Kristen, all I gotta say is… Urakooooze (that’s thank you in Rwandan.
Tam and Kristen also included a tin of delicious homemade vegan gingerbread cookies for me to share with Adam! Here are a few of our favorites:
To: VUBOQ
From: Adam
Photo One. This is me enjoying one of my many gifts from Adam – a book! Hot Guys and Baby Animals. Hot! Cute! Fun!
Photo Two. This is me …um… enjoying another gift from Adam – vegan beef jerky (tequila lime flavor). Delicious! (OK. Not really delicious. In fact, it was kind of gross).
Unfortunately, I don’t have a photo of me getting the taste of tequila lime vegan beef jerky out of my mouth with some truly yummerz dark chocolate! MMmmmm. Chocolate. I also don’t have photos of me taking a fun Unicorn Lavender Lotus Bubble Bath. Nor gleefully stamping “Who Cares” on all the crap my co-workers produce at work. But, those were other gifts from Adam that I totes *heart*.
To: David P.
From: Miley Cyrus & Enrico
I was the lucky recipient of a package hand-delivered by the amazingly talented Miley Cyrus, although what she was doing in Crown Heights is anyone’s guess. Oddly enough, inside the package were an assortment of gifts by the equally, if not more, amazing and talented but non-poll-dancing Enrico! As you can see, I was provided with two boxes of high-end macaroni and cheese mixes that I will be getting fat from shortly. Also among the loot were three Pulitzer prize-winning books (I’ve read one of them, but giving me something I can re-gift is a gift in and of itself) and I will definitely enjoy reading the other two over the next few months. And lastly, the pièce de résistance is the pack of nude male playing cards that will add a certain something special to my future games of solitaire. If you zoom into the photo, you can also make out the clever notes that were included with each present. Thank you so much, Miley! Oh, and you too, Enrico!
To: Enrico
From: John
My secret Santa got me two amazing presents! Knowing I’m a huge Miyazaki lover, he got me this Totoro thingy that I’m hanging on my wall as soon as I get a hammer. I’ve been meaning to read John Updike’s Rabbit, Run for years now, and now I can, since he also got me the novel and its first sequel, Rabbit Redux. I LOVE BOOKS AND TOTORO. Thanks John! After Michelle, you’re the best!!
To: Talita
From: Mel
I received amazing blueberry Jam, that was so delicious. A soy pine candle that smelled so good, I love soy candles they burn longer then regular candles. This candle added just the right amount of holidays to my house without being over whelming. My gift came packaged in awesome Christmas Tin!! Thanks for the great gifts Mel!!
To: FDot
From: Heather
I arrived home from my trip to Colorado to find a whole package of goodies awaiting me from Heather. Herein pictured are the goodies. 1 Post Office Priority Mail Box, no doubt chosen to hold everything else. 1 piece of Milk Chocolate, already eaten. 1 book of “Where Are They Buried?”, already perused and used to capture pictures for the next round of ‘Guess that Grave!”. 1 Electronic Rubik’s Cube Puzzle, opened and attempted. 1 packet of Punch Balloons, of which one has been inflated and punched repeatedly to relieve frustration from failing at the Rubik’s Cube puzzle. An extremely successful box of Christmas gifts, covering all I hoped for and making me very happy, as evidenced by the large smile I have on my face.
To: Justin
From: M Nico
If I’m looking a bit pouty it’s because Bloggy Santa left me empty handed this year. Don’t worry unduly I’m in intensive therapy for the *sniff* trauma *sob* No really I’ll be *chokes up* fine 
To: M Nico
From:TwoPi
M Nico has refused all attempts at communication and presumably did not send a gift to Justin. Many thanks to TwoPi for generously sending a gift to M Nico!! M Nico, we hope that you’re okay!!!
Once again, thanks to everyone for your participation in the 2011 Bloggy Gift Exchange!
Can’t get enough of our gift exchanging? Jump over to Josh Is Trashy to see our exchanges from 2010 and 2009.
That poor little old lady didn’t stand a chance. With a barely any effort at all, Polt (who scored 95% with 120 votes) defeated Queen Elizabeth II (who only scored 5% with 6 votes) in the third round of Cocky & Rude Fight Club. We’re not sure if her mind was wrapped up in wedding plans or corgi flops, but she went down (not that way) fast and hard. It’s HUGS… all around as we celebrate Polt’s staggering victory over the British royalty. We expect him to quickly move into Buckingham Palace (after painting it purple, of course). Congratulations, Polt!
Welcome to Cocky & Rude Fight Club! The rules to the game are simple. Each week we’ll introduce our fighters. We’ll do the leg work and help you analyze their strengths and weaknesses. Then we’ll put the results to vote. You’ll pick which combatant will decimate their opponent in the knock-down, drag-out brawl of Cocky & Rude Fight Club! Let’s meet this week’s fighters…
Queen Elizabeth IIAlso known as: Elizabeth Alexandra Mary
House: House of Windsor
Date of Birth: April 21, 1926
Place of Birth: Mayfair, London, United Kingdom
Residence: Buckingham Palace, London, United Kingdom
Occupation: Constitutional monarch of sixteen independent sovereign states, the figurehead of the 54-member Commonwealth of Nations and Supreme Governor of the Church of England.
Relationship Status: Married to Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh
Weight: Probably not very much because she’s a tiny old lady
Born in 1926, Queen Elizabeth II was just 25 years old when she ascended to the British throne on the death of her father, George IV, in 1952. She enjoys monochromatic outfits, pearls, corgis, jubilees, stupid hats, tea, crumpets, and blood pudding. Despite nearing an age of 81 she appears remarkably mobile with little intent of passing the throne to Prince Charles early. With her entire kingdom standing behind her, we expect this little old lady to rock the boxing ring old school (with lances, swords and perhaps a mace).
PoltAlso known as: Chris S.
Date of Birth: November 25, 1967
Residence: Polt’s Palace, Waynesboro, Pennsylvania
Relationship Status: Single (and active)
Favorite Color: Purple
Favorite Superhero: Superman
Occupation: Law Enforcement/Security & Blogger
Height & Weight: “I stand a little over 6 feet tall and weigh less than 300 lbs.”
A lover of all things purple, male and/or Asian, Polt hails from the majestic Polt’s Palace in Waynesboro, PA. Polt spends his day tweeting, complaining about work, hooking up with gentleman callers, stalking argyle-clad co-opers, reading Star Trek novelizations, performing with Mama Polt, and posting pornography on his website. Though his job at the prison is non-specific and has never been elaborated upon, we expect that Polt possesses Superman-like strength, and will be a powerfully purple competitor.
Picture in your mind a battle of these two worthy opponents. Both enter the ring, but only one will leave. Does the greatest queen that North America has ever seen stand a chance against the actual Queen? Or will the Queen’s age hold her back (we all know that Polt is old, but he’s not tthhaatt old). That’s for you to decide. Who will win in this epic battle of Queen vs. Queen? We’re putting this no-holds-barred fight to a vote. The poll will be open for approximately 24 hours, and you may vote as many times as you want. That’s right — we’re not blocking repeat votes, so vote now and vote often for your favorite Cocky & Rude Fight Club opponent!
Find out if this battle will end with a signature wave or a “HUGS…” on Sunday at noon!
So far we know that Mush has claimed Biggest Cock and FDot is your Fan Favorite of Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 2. But who will claim the final prize: Rudest Loser? This year we’re awarding Rudest Loser to the eliminated contestant that has lost the most weight. What have our eliminated contestants been up to? And who will win the prize? Let’s find out…
Adam – Since being eliminated, I decided that I had no excuse but to eat everything in sight. Thus I started making frequent trips to the grocery store just to restock my junk food snacks and candy stash. But as of a week ago, I’ve gotten back on track. I’ve been logging all of my food into FitDay and sticking to a strict <1300 calorie a day diet. Let’s check back in a month (or 2) so I can win a prize too??
Craig – To be honest, I didn’t work too hard on trying to be the Rudest Loser. But I did my best to maintain the healthy habits I started using during the contests like not eating after 9, and no alcohol during the week, and in the end, I’m happy with the results.
FDot – At first, after being eliminated, I went on a Hershey Symphony Chocolate Bar binge. Upon winning fan favorite, I’ve rededicated myself to losing some weight. However, it has proven difficult to forgo many of the foods I’ve previously enjoyed on a whenever I wanted them basis. I’ve found myself being reduced to skulking around and huffing fumes from used McDonald’s bags in vain attempts to trick my mind into believing my body has enjoyed a non-nutritious meal. I believe this will end with either my willpower winning out as I learn to enjoy celery as a snack or being found behind a dumpster licking the insides of McChicken containers. It’s 50-50 at this moment.
Harry – My final weight is down to 184 which was my target. I did it by running/jogging 3-4 days a week and playing hockey twice a week. I also tried to make my diet healthier by reducing my beer intake, eating more veggies and cutting down on sugary snacks. The diet part was successful except for the beer which I figured was OK because some website said I should be eating 3500 calories a day. If it’s on the internet, it must be true, so I kept drinking beer to make up for those eliminated sugar calories. Michelle helped me to maintain this healthier routine because she kept the fridge stocked with good food and inspired me to go to the lake for a run. In conclusion, Team Oink wins! Suck it.
Jere – I blame the most recent weight loss on a clogged shower drain. For almost a week now our bathtub drain has been stopped up. Two bottles of Draino later (“don’t use Draino on old pipes” yells our management company) and a futile attempt to snake the drain through a small hole in the irremovable metal grate about 3 inches below the opening of the drain, our management company has called a plumber. When I go home tonight I may have a) a working drain, b) a whole new drain/bathtub, c) a big hole in the floor where a bathtub used to be, or d) 6 inches of standing water that has become the early spring breeding grounds for a colony of mosquitoes. The point of this story being that I’ve had to shower at the gym for the last few days. And because I don’t like feeling like a hobo, I insist on doing some kind of workout before taking my shower. Anyway, what was this week’s blurb supposed to be about? Oh, since being eliminated, I have restricted my diet to fast food and things covered in chocolate, but I also sang a danced to a lot of show tunes on stage, which is why I still look like gay Star Wars villain Ziro the Hutt.
John – I have to admit, after I was excused from the competition, my resolve really waned. Without the discipline of Dr. Mel to guide me, I slipped back into some old habits. I wouldn’t eat cookies if they weren’t so yummy. While I haven’t put much weight on, I haven’t lost any. I am hoping to gain some inspiration from Michelle, Ryan and Paul, but so far all I want to say to the cabana boy is shut up and bring me some cheesecake.
Mel – Mel ignored all of our requests for his participation.
Michelle – My goal was to lose 10 pounds. My weight has been yo-yoing like crazy. PMS makes a contest like this difficult. I’ve lost 5 as of now. I started out great – exercising almost every other day (rollerblading and walks around the lake [5 miles]), drinking tea (yuck) and eating super healthy foods. Lots of vegetables and no treats. But after being kicked off (thanks Mikey and Adam!) I lost my incentive and started exercising maybe 3 times a week (and mostly just walking 3 miles). I also started to sneak in a cookie here, and a chip(s) there. Cupcakes (I think Sprinkles cupcakes are overrated, but I had to have two to be certain), ice cream and onion rings may have also been consumed. In all, I have learned that I pretty much have no will power, metabolism or hope of fitting into my jeans unless I step it up and renew my commitment to celery.
Mikey – Ugh….I feel no differently about my weight and health than I did before this contest began. Sure I want to lose weight, but honestly the losing is always so much harder when you do it by changing your diet and getting exercise. I much prefer to a) starve myself b) master cleanse (which is another way of saying starve) c) eat. So that is why I’m exactly the same size I was when this started ages ago in January.
Mr. Sombrero – After elimination, I was not at all inspired to continue loosing weight. I turned into overworked, big, fat… apple. There should be an award for losing the least weight. That way I could win something.
Nathan – Getting kicked off in the first round really hit Nathan hard emotionally. Having told his friends that there is simply nothing that is more embarrassing than being the first person eliminated in a reality show competition, he quickly hit rock bottom. After being discovered weeks later underneath a vast wasteland of empty pizza boxes and taco bell wrappers, his friends put him onto an episode of Intervention. After an emergency triple stomach stapling and life coaching from Richard Simmons, Nathan was able to get his pathetic shell of a life into a semblance of what it once was and his net weight back to where he started in the competition. He was still too lazy to send in a photo of himself though, but sent this picture of an overweight beaver as a rough approximation of his current proportions.
Polt – Since I’ve been eliminated, I almost got back to my starting weight. See, everything balances out in the end. Congrats to the winners and those who kept their weight off. For me, I’m just happy to not have gone back over my starting weight. The same in the end as the beginning…like a set of plump purple Poltastic bookends!
Tam – Well, public humiliation appears to be effective only as long as you are in the public eye. Once I got turfed and sent to the beach cabana with Nathan and the cabana boys Juan and Julio, I lasted about another 2.5 weeks of being good and then … eh. I didn’t gain any back though so I guess not that bad, but not great. Being called on the carpet for your habits definitely works. I’m no Mushy Cupcake though. Picture… ummm. You’ve got your choice of a) Half-nekkid rent-boy in ripped jean on a pool table because …. umm, it’s hot? b) the cute c) penis cupcakes. Damn, I’m craving cake.
Ty – Through sheer force of will, I was able to continue my BC&RL2 regimen after my elimination and, indeed, to this day. As you may recall, that regimen consisted of doing absolutely nothing different. As a result, I am proud to report that the contest DID NOT MAKE ME ONE OUNCE FATTER!!! I will be happy to provide a (compensated) testimonial if BC&RL2 finally gives in to the demands of a desperate nation and makes an infomercial.
And now, without further ado … the results! Who will win the Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 2
Rudest Loser prize? The winner is…
Congratulations, Jere! Even though you’ve turned to a life of fast food and show tunes, you still managed to lose more than the rest of us. You’re the Rudest Loser, and the 4th place winner, overall. Congratulations!
And how did everyone else do? Let’s find out …
Congratulations to everyone who participated in Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 2 … but it’s finally over! And as one game show draws to a close, another begins. Stay tuned to Cocky & Rude because next Thursday, a brand new battle begins with … COCKY & RUDE FIGHT CLUB!
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A few of my favorite things
What do raindrops on roses, all edges brownie pans, schnitzel with noodles and apple bottom jeans have in common? They are not my favorite things (sorry Oprah and Maria von Trapp). I like other stuff. Here are a few of my favorite things:
My Le Crueset pitcher in Caribbean Blue. I just love the color. I got it so I can make iced tea (pouring the hot water in won’t crack it). I don’t like tea, and try as I might, cannot acquire a taste for it. But having this pitcher is an incentive to drink healthy, good for you, yucky tasting tea.
Nothing says “class” like plastic wine glasses (I also have plastic champagne glasses). We do have the crystal stuff, but who wants to hand wash a glass after enjoying their Beringer‘s zinfandel? The answer is: Not me.
Our TV trays – we use them ALL the time. Why eat at the dinner table when you can cram your face with food in front of the TV? Conversation is overrated anyway.
Butt warmers. Almost makes it worth driving a station wagon (it’s Harry’s – I will not cop to owning a station wagon).
Speaking of warm buns – croissants! Mmmm. Buttery, flaky and low calorie! Well, I’ll have to settle for two out of three.
Jasmine – this isn’t our jasmine. Ours isn’t quite as lush. But it’s blooming and smells heavenly.
Know what else smells good? Me! Because I use Elizabeth Arden‘s Green Tea perfume. It doesn’t smell like green tea, though, more like peppery lime.
Parcheesi! I love this game. Even though I haven’t played it in a million years, it’s still a favorite. Doubles, blockades, sending someone home – so much fun!
I love notebooks. I like the promise a brand new notebook holds. Maybe I’ll scribble down ideas for a post, make out a grocery list or start writing that million dollar novel – especially now that I’m participating in Craig’s Six Figure Summer (maybe he should make that Seven Figure Summer…).
See’s Milk Bordeaux candies. Did you know that See’s calls the sprinkles “chocolate rice”? You do now. Thank goodness they’re so rich or I’d be giving Fat Betty some competition.
So this is what I think of when the dog bites or the bee stings. And if you look under your chair, you will find… nothing! You get nothing! And you get nothing. Everybody gets nothing!
So what are some of your favorite things? Let me know in comments!
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