Tag Archives: sweat

What Were They Thinking?!

16 Comments Posted by on May 15, 2012

Last Saturday I had the honor of attending Mikey’s birthday karaoke party!  Despite the fact that private room was as hot as balls, everyone had a fantastic time.  I only managed to snap a few photos before the party became a giant, sweaty wet t-shirt tragedy.  And I’m sorry … but there is no video evidence.  Some voices are just too good to share with the rest of the world!  And now, without further ado … What Were They Thinking?!

What were Mikey and Ty thinking?!
Leave your thoughts in the comments!
Submit your potential What Were They Thinking?! photos to:
cockyandrudedotcom@gmail.com

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Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3: Week 9

9 Comments Posted by on April 26, 2012

Our eighth week is complete! Today our contestants celebrate eight weeks into the cockiest and rudest weight loss competition evahhhh! It’s Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3!

People say that you should never sweat the small stuff.  But sometimes it’s the little things that drive us crazy.  This week we asked each of our contestants what one (or more) ‘little things’ are that bother them.  Maybe it’s their blobby fat that hangs over their waist band, or the way that diet food always seems to taste awful.  Here’s what they said:

Tam
When you say little things, I’ll take it literally. Why are little things so fattening? It’s only a few peanuts. They’re miniature M&Ms. It’s just dried cranberries. All of them JAMMED with calories (in addition to good things). All small food should have small calories. If you eat a huge burger, big calories. Tiny cookies, tiny calories. Why are these things not logical?

Mr. Sombrero
There are few things that bother Mr Sombrero. Number one is the scale. It hasn’t moved in weeks. What the frak scale?! I thought we were in this together?! Did Adam put you up to this? [no response] Whatever. Another thing that bothers Mr Sombrero is his full length mirror. I don’t like what I’m seeing. Yes I’m talking to you mirror. Don’t give me that fat look. You know what else bothers Mr S? That kid that lost his cupcakes. Yeah that Ryan kid. Showoff. I think I’ve seen some of his cupcakes hanging around my scale. And another thing, what is up with veggie farts. I mean seriously, enough is enough. And do they have to smell like hipster’s wool hat on a hot and humid urban August afternoon? Yeah these are some of my (least) favorite things…

Ryan
I’m getting tired of tracking everything. It’s the key to my success so far, but it gets really frustrating whenever I eat something outside of my normal routine. The uncertainty of how much food something contains can make planning the rest of the day pointless. This leads me to rely mostly on whether I feel hungry, but this leads to the temptation to let myself have what I want to eat even if I shouldn’t.

Michelle M.
One of the little things I hate is being a girl and trying to lose weight. It’s hard to stay on track when you automatically put on up to 5 pounds of water weight each month. You think you’re being good and the WHAM the numbers on the scale jump up. It’s so discouraging. And craving sugar and salty snacks doesn’t help. Stupid hormones.

TwoPi
What irritates me the most is having to pay attention to the bathroom scale once a week. Bad enough having to stand on the darned thing, which naturally gives out a little creaking noise, as in “Oh my GOHD how many of you ARE there?” Then there’s a number, which is never the number I remember from when I was in high school (roughly the last time in my life I stood on a bathroom scale on a regular basis). And finally, there’s the blasted comparison of this week’s number with last week’s number. Ugh. I feel like a schoolboy who just got called in front of the class and didn’t do his homework. Bleh.

Mikey
The little things I hate are the way my shirts fit and the way that my pants fit. I feel like ALL of my shirts are too small and I float around like the pink iceberg named Fat Betty. My pants however are loose enough that I need a belt, but my belt doesn’t have a hole at the right spot….so they are constantly sagging and showing my ample rear.

Adam
A little thing that I hate?  Clothes that don’t fit.  I’ve gained some weight in the last year — and now the shirts I wore last year aren’t fitting.  Why can’t someone design clothing that grows with you?  Or maybe I should just buy every available size of shirts that I like.  That way one of ‘em will always fit!  Think of all the plaid!!!

Polt
So this week we’re talking about the little things we hate. Writing these blurbs each week can be a pain, but I’ll not mention that. And I thought I’d actually have to force myself to be taking walks, but I find I enjoy them, and frankly, feel a bit guilty when I don’t take one at least every other day. No, I think what irritates me the most about this diet thing, is the lack of variety in the food I’m eating. I’m eating all the meat and veggies I want (not that I want, or even eat all that many), but after awhile, I’ve just gotten sick of steak. I’d really like to have a sub and some chips, or a big plate of steaming hot pasta and meatballs, or a huge greasy slice of pizza…but I cant. Steak and salad for me…thank you very much. Ah well, in the end it’ll be worth it, right?

And now the week’s results:

Stay tuned each Thursday for the stunning weight-loss success stories of our eight contestants. Who will win this year’s competition? Find out on May 31st … just in time for bikini season!

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Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3: Week 4

12 Comments Posted by on March 22, 2012

Our third week is complete! Today our contestants celebrate three weeks into the cockiest and rudest weight loss competition evahhhh! It’s Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3!

Exercise is an important part of every weight-loss regimen. This week, the contestants were invited to tell us how they’ve exercised to help attain their weight-loss goals. Here’s what they said:

Mikey
The only exercise I have been able to get in the past two weeks has been walking to/from work, walking the dog, playing with the dog, and COUGHING. However, since my diet changes have resulted in my weight loss leveling off and since I am finally able to move around without hacking up a corner of my lungs, I am instituting an exercise regimen. I will be doing 30-45 min of cardio every other day for the near future. May my ass disappear.

Tam
The picture says it all. I really have not focused at all on exercise. I have really only been seriously participating in this challenge for about 10 days because of my trip, so right now I’m just paying attention to what I eat and how much of it. I’ve been faithfully logging my in-take on Spark People and I think for right now I need to focus on that until it becomes more second nature. If I starting thinking I must do this, and this, and this, I’m likely to do none of it. So that’s my rationale for sitting my ass on the couch and doing nothing.

Ryan
The majority of my exercise is walking. Commuting to work gives me a baseline of twelve miles each week. I’ve also started using a walk tracking app on my phone. I love it because I can take a spontaneous path and not have to worry about remembering every detour when I map the route when I get home. I’ve also been doing some calisthenics, but I haven’t been disciplined about it. Usually, it amounts to doing some pushups while my oatmeal is cooking if I don’t have any dishes to wash.

Adam
I’ve been a lazy piece of shit for the past week. I’m paying for a gym membership … I really need to go to the gym. Ugh. But I’m just so damn lazy. bloooooooooooooooooob. Maybe my arm muscles will get bigger if I buy heavier forks. And spoons.

Polt
This week we’re supposed to talk about exercise. I don’t feel the need to change my exercise regime, as I was getting quite a bit of exercise before we started. I mean, several times in an evening, I had to drag my fat ass off the couch, ya know, to get something to eat, or to pee or whatever. And at least once a day, I have to roll my fat ass outta bed…NOT an easy thing to do, I assure you. So as long as I keep working out like that, I should do really well.

TwoPi
Slow and steady wins the race! Unless you’re pedaling on a stationary bike, that is. Or not, as I’ve been lately. I couldn’t find the “Add dust and cobwebs” filter in Photoshop… but the actual stationary bike and elliptical machine sitting in my attic are gathering more dust than sweat these days. I’ve been struggling with hip and back trouble for months, and at the moment my most strenuous activity is walking (when I’m able) and physical therapy (when I’m good and I remember). But I know I’ve got the equipment waiting there to be dusted off, and surely some day…

Michelle M.
I haven’t exercised at all. I’VE BEEN SICK! I did get my hula hoop, Thighmaster, in-line skates and dumbbells out of the garage for this photo, so that should count for something. Other exercise I haven’t been doing: walking around the lake, riding my bike and Zumba (which I intend to buy/do one day, so that should also count for something).

Mr. Sombrero
Mr. Sombrero has been feeling a bit under the weather past few days and he had to skip a few classes. But on a good week his exercise regimen consist of yoga, calisthenics, and ton, like 7 miles a day, of walking. And somehow I still don’t see the results fast enough. Damn you quesadillas!!!

And now the week’s results:

Stay tuned each Thursday for the stunning weight-loss success stories of our eight contestants. Who will win this year’s competition? Find out on May 31st … just in time for bikini season!

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Inside the C&R Studio

42 Comments Posted by on July 18, 2011

Have you ever daydreamed about being a famous star? Money, adulation, magazine covers, swag, critical acclaim, limos, red carpets, awards, casting couches, stalkers, plastic surgery, paparazzi, rehab – it all sounds so glamorous! But all this means nothing unless you’re invited to appear on Inside the Actor’s Studio. Well, just in case you hit it big and have to face James Lipton and his enormous stack of blue index cards, you should be prepared. So I asked you to answer the questions* that are always asked at the end of the show. Here are your answers:

*The questionnaire concept was originated by French personality Bernard Pivot, after the Proust questionnaire.

What is your favorite word?

Tam: Passel
Mark: Anthrax (love the syllables)
David G.: Door. I couldn’t possibly tell you why.
Polt: Eighteen…cause then, all the boys are legal  : ).
Craig: Nevertheless
Jere: Petunia
Mel: Most days it’s “fuck”.
Adam: Chuckle
Michelle M.: Silver
John: Cookie
VUBOQ: Martini
Mikey: Dinner
Nathan: Loquacious
FDot: Flibbertigibbet
Enrico: Arboretic
The Kid: Disrupting or fabulous
Paul: Hello
Ryan: Superfluous

What is your least favorite word?

Tam: The c-word. Can’t write it. HATE IT.
Mark: like (when not used as a verb)
David G.: Urinal. I can’t even type it without feeling icky.
Polt: I dont know sweetie…work? Boss? Gone? Yeah, Gone may be it, not for the word itself so much, but for what it can entail.
Craig: Macabre
Jere: Labia
Mel: Monetize
Adam: The r-word
Michelle M.: Ma’am
John: Familiarity
VUBOQ: Ironical
Mikey: Exercise
Nathan: lol
FDot: maybe
Enrico: The three-letter f word
The Kid: Moist
Paul: Discharge
Ryan: Marketable

What turns you on?

Tam: Humour
Mark: Intelligence
David G.: A really good kiss.
Polt: Younger guys. Asians. Hairthings. Younger Asian guys with hairthings! Oh, and Craiggers in a purple speedo. (did you really need to ask me this question?)  : )
Craig: Chest hair
Jere: Feeling sexy in someone else’s eyes.
Mel: Nice eyes
Adam: Laughter
Michelle M.: A sense of humor
John: Intelligence (and a hot ass).
VUBOQ: This may be weird, but the smell of some soaps on guys. Colognes, not so much.
Mikey: Honesty and a sense of humor
Nathan: Suits
FDot: Chocolate
Enrico: Intelligence
The Kid: A man in a suit
Paul: Bondage
Ryan: Short hair

What turns you off?

Tam: Bigotry
Mark: Loud brash voices
David G.: A really bad kiss.
Polt: Attitude. Someone who thinks they are more than they are or better than they are. Yeah, that’s a deal breaker right there.
Craig: Long fingernails
Jere: Lots of things, but I’ll start with the use of any body fluid used for sexytime other than semen.
Mel: Bad breath
Adam: when I’m taken for granted.
Michelle M.: Ignorance
John: Arrogance
VUBOQ: Feet
Mikey: Liars and bad smells
Nathan: Facial hair!
FDot: Annoying people
Enrico: Close-mindedness
The Kid: Dreadlocks
Paul: Sweat dripping in my eyes
Ryan: Smart phone addiction

What sound or noise do you love?

Tam: Wind in the trees rustling the leaves (not the willows)
Mark: A sustained note on a slightly distorted electric guitar
David G: When Typo (one of my cats) meows and yawns at the same time.
Polt: Honestly, a kid laughing! Whether it’s a baby giggling or a 7 year old laughing as he chases his brother. Always makes me smile.
Craig: The woods
Jere: Wind and rain outside my window
Mel: The foghorn on our local lighthouse
Adam: Cat’s purr
Michelle M.: A beautiful piece of music
John: Baby sneezes
VUBOQ: The crunching sound made when I’m walking through fallen Autumn leaves
Mikey: Air conditioning…humming and white noisy
Nathan: Bassoon! If that’s cheating, than the noise that the wind makes when it rustles the trees.
FDot: Ocean waves at night
Enrico: Adele’s voice
The Kid: Food sizzling
Paul: Rain falling on the roof of the house
Ryan: Male vocals harmonizing well

What sound or noise do you hate?

Tam: The sound of a spoon stirring liquefied ice-cream – instant gag reflex
Mark: A child chorus, singing slightly off-key
David G.: Any (and I do mean ANY) repetitive sound. It just grates on my brain.
Polt: My alarm in the morning!
Craig: Screaming children
Jere: Saturday morning labor (lawnmowing, construction, etc., before noon)
Mel: Motorcycles drowning out the foghorn
Adam: My alarm clock
Michelle M.: My alarm clock
John: The alarm clock
VUBOQ: Cardboard being cut
Mikey: Nails on a chalkboard or fire alarms
Nathan: The bird outside my window when I’m trying to sleep.
FDot: Fingernails on a chalkboard
Enrico: The sound of a bird’s beak as it attacks my window (every morning at 5am!)
The Kid: Mosquitos buzzing
Paul: Fran Drescher
Ryan: Squishy sploochy sounds

What is your favorite curse word?

Tam: Fuck
Mark: “Oh MAN!” (Once we had our first child, Heather and I trained ourselves not to curse, and it mostly has worked.)
David G.: Fuck. It is the most versatile word in the English language, after all.
Polt: Fuck. Although if I’m around polite company, I generally just use shit. And if *I* did something stupid, then it’s a hearty “Oh fuck ME!”
Craig: God damn it!
Jere: Justin Bieber’s Hairless Scrote!
Mel: See #1
Adam: fuck
Michelle M.: f*ck!
John: Fuck
VUBOQ: fork
Mikey: tit-wank (thank you Catherine Tate)
Nathan: You Gosh Darn C***
FDot: Goddamnmotherfuckingsonofabitch
Enrico: Avada Kedavra
The Kid: Firetruck
Paul: Cunt
Ryan: Bollocks

What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?

Tam: Ballerina
Mark: Pro hockey (but I can’t even skate)
David G: Realtor.
Polt: Custom condom fitter? No seriously, if I had my pick, it would be a comic book writer.
Craig: Teacher
Jere: Playwright
Mel: Writing
Adam: I’d work for Ikea, assembling furniture for displays
Michelle M.: Billionaire
John: Artist
VUBOQ: Professional Potter
Mikey: Filmmaker…I aspire to be Christopher Nolan
Nathan: Novelist
FDot: Screenwriting
Enrico: Personal assistant to a celebrity (maybe Kina or Jojo)
The Kid: Uhh. I’m not employed, but being an astronaut would be fun.
Paul: Professional sugar daddy
Ryan: Economist

What profession would you not like to do?

Tam: Sewer cleaning
Mark: Restauranteur
David G.: Anything from the show Dirty Jobs.
Polt: Anything that makes me to physical labor outside, especially in the summer. Oh and anything involving heights!
Craig: Call center
Jere: Surgeon
Mel: Auto sales
Adam: Sales
Michelle M.: Soldier
John: Lawyer
VUBOQ: Anything to do with sewers or plumbing.
Mikey: Cess Pool serviceperson (see above re: smells)
Nathan: Anything where you just stand around and don’t actually DO anything.
FDot: Farmer
Enrico: Dentist
The Kid: Eww. A fisherman or exterminator.
Paul: Boy of professional sugar daddy
Ryan:Academic post-doc

If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

Tam: “Juan and Felipe have your cocktails over there on the left by the pool. Have a nice stay.”
Mark: “Meow…prrrr.”
David G.: Girl, you just barely made it.
Polt: What I’d LIKE to hear him say is, “Welcome.” But what he’ll probably say is, “Huh? You? recheck the list!” : )
Craig: “You were a nice person, welcome.”
Jere: “Look, I’m as surprised as you are that I exist, and I know I’ve got a lot to apologize for…”
Mel: “I’m awfully me-damned happy to see you. These other angels are so! fucking! boring!”
Adam: You were right all along, I don’t exist!
Michelle M.: Relax. It’s all good – come on in!
John: We’ve been waiting for you.
VUBOQ: “This way to the Martini Lounge.”
Mikey: You sure tried to piss me off, didn’t you?
Nathan: Welcome?
FDot: Your family is over there.
Enrico: “Ke$ha is waiting inside for you.”
The Kid: “Follow the white rabbit”
Paul: “Your afterlifetime supply of Entenmann’s and young power bottoms are waiting for you.”
Ryan:You weren’t nearly as selfish as you worried you were.

Need to waste some time at work? Here is a Vanity Fair Proust questionnaire you can take to see which celebrity you have the most in common with. Mine were Barbara Walters and Kirk Douglas.

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Have You Ever… Tasted A Friend?!

15 Comments Posted by on March 1, 2011

Two weeks ago we asked you about your self-consumption habits.  Now it’s time to heat up your fava beans and pop open a bottle of chianti.  Have you ever tasted someone else?  Let’s find out. The rules are the same as they always are. For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments section.

Have You Ever…

1. Have you ever tasted someone else’s blood?
2. Have you ever tasted someone else’s boogers?
3. Have you ever tasted someone else’s ear wax?
4. Have you ever tasted someone else’s sweat?
5. Have you ever tasted someone else’s saliva?
6. Have you ever consumed someone else’s fingernails?
7. Have you ever consumed someone else’s toenails?
8. Have you ever licked someone else’s hand?
9. Have you ever licked someone else’s foot?
10. Have you ever licked someone else’s private parts?
11. Have you ever consumed someone else’s hair?
12. Have you ever consumed someone else’s scab?
13. Have you ever tasted someone else’s acne pus?
14. Have you ever tasted someone else’s tears?
15. Have you ever consumed flakes of someone else’s dry skin?
16. Have you ever pulled off and consumed bits of someone else’s skin?
17. Have you ever pulled off and consumed bits of someone else’s scalp?
18. Have you ever tasted someone else’s urine?
19. Have you ever tasted someone else’s feces?
20. Have you ever tasted someone else’s semen?
21. Do you consume someone else’s semen on a regular basis?
22. Have you ever tasted someone else’s vaginal fluids?
23. Have you ever tasted someone else’s menstrual fluids?
25. Have you ever bitten into someone’s flesh?
25. Have you ever been diagnosed, treated and/or arrested for cannibalism?

When you’re finished feeding off of your neighbor, tell us your total in the comments!

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Have You Ever… Tasted Yourself?!

24 Comments Posted by on February 15, 2011

So how did you spend your Valentine’s Day?  Out and about with the one you love?  Or maybe you sat at home and cried while furiously masturbating and eating chocolates that you bought yourself on clearance at WalMart?  Who cares!  It’s a new day, and here at C&R we don’t judge you!  We love all of our readers the same (except for Michelle M., who we love just a little bit more than the rest of you).  So in the spirit of non-judgment, it’s time to embark upon what may be the most disgusting Have You Ever?! quiz since our last incredibly disgusting Have You Ever?! quiz! That’s right — today we’re going to ask you about your deep, dark self-consumption secrets.  The rules are the same as they always are. For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments section.

Have You Ever…

1. Have you ever tasted your own blood?
2. Have you ever tasted one of your own boogers?
3. Do you consume your own boogers on a regular basis?
4. Have you ever tasted your own ear wax?
5. Have you ever purposefully tasted your own sweat?
6. Have you ever consumed your own fingernails?
7. Have you ever consumed your own toenails?
8. Have you ever licked your hand?
9. Have you ever licked your foot?
10. Have you ever purposely consumed your own hair?
11. Have you ever consumed a scab?
12. Do you consume your own scabs on a regular basis?
13. Have you ever tasted your own acne pus?
14. Have you ever tasted your own tears?
15. Have you ever consumed flakes of your own dry skin?
16. Have you ever pulled off and consumed bits of your skin?
17. Have you ever pulled off and consumed bits of your own scalp?
18. Have you ever tasted your own urine?
19. Have you ever tasted your own feces?
20. Have you ever tasted your own semen?
21. Do you consume your own semen on a regular basis?
22. Have you ever tasted your own vaginal fluids?
23. Have you ever tasted your own menstrual fluids?
24. Have you ever injured yourself to the point of needing medical attention after removing and consuming a piece of your own body?
25. Have you ever been diagnosed and/or treated for problems stemming from self-cannibalism?

When you’re finished eating yourself, tell us your total in the comments!

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