July 30, 2012
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Hey, kids, Uncle Polt of Polt’s Palace here! Do to his obsession with Polt’s Ass, there’s no way Adam could focus long enough to do this post, even though I know he wants to. So I graciously decided to surprise him and do it FOR him! So here we go with….
Have You Ever…Been Polt’s Ass?
The rules: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.
Have you ever?!
1. Have you ever been white?
2. Have you ever been hairy?
3. Have you ever been flat?
4. Have you ever been used repeatedly in C&R posts?
5. Have you ever been plastered all over a July photo in a calendar?
6. Have you ever been masturbatory material for Craiggers?
7. Have you ever been deserving of your own regular C&R feature?
8. Have you ever had a $100 bill sticking out of an orifice?
9. Have you ever had an arm, hand and dumbbell thrusting out of you?
10. Have you ever been seen to be laying in the middle of a street?
11. Have you ever been a victim of a freaky obsession by the even more freaky Adam?
12. Have you ever been responsible, consistently, for an increase in comments on C&R posts?
13. Have you ever been slapped by Kris?
14. Have you ever been a reason why Adam will never get rich?
15. Have you ever been admired by someone instead of them watching the super bowl?
16. Have you ever been assumed to be the exact and total opposite, like a big power bottom, of what you actually are, like a butch masculine top?
17. Have you ever been dancing….ahem, cheek to cheek with Paul’s insanely cute boyfriend Travis?
18. Have you ever been a blog post tag on C&R?
19. Have you ever been called “award-winning” by Adam?
20. Have you ever been told you’d be a good thing to pee on?
21. Have you ever been the recipient of The 2011 Lifetime Achievement Cocky Award?
22. Have you ever had Rebecca Black sing a song about you?
23. Have you ever been the C&R fan favorite?
24. Have you ever been part of The 12 Days Of Whatever?
25. Have you ever been a consolation prize to someone if Michelle M. doesn’t win the lottery?
Now, try to pull your eyes away so you can total up your score and tell us what you got in the comments!
(A special Polt-thanks to Michelle M. for allowing me to have one of her Mondays, and another special Polt-thanks to Mikey, for posting this for so it could be a total surprise to Adam!)
February 2, 2012
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1. Clip your toenails.
2. Organize your grocery store coupons.
3. Admire Polt’s ass.
4. Twiddle your thumbs.
5. Stare at the wall.
6. Watch the Puppy Bowl on Animal Planet.
7. Read a book.
8. Watch The Notebook to balance out the world.
9. Organize a box of Fruit Loops by color.
10. Call all your butch friends who are watching the Super Bowl, just to chat.
11. Roll pennies.
12. Watch paint dry.
13. Clean out your closet.
14. Stuff everything that you took out of your closet into another closet.
15. Alphabetize your DVDs.
16. Comb your back hair.
17. Go shopping.
18. Clean out your refrigerator.
19. Replace the batteries in your smoke detectors.
20. Clean the dead bugs out of your ceiling lamps.
21. Make sure that everything hanging in your home is perfectly level.
22. Tweeze your eyebrows.
23. Catch up on Glee.
24. Look up naked women on the Internet and ponder why vaginas are just so damn disgusting.
25. Actually read one of those m/m short stories that Tam is always reviewing.
27. Watch grass grow.
28. Play solitaire.
29. Add hundreds of pointless life events to your Facebook timeline.
30. Organize your porn.
31. Prune your pubes.
32. Microwave random things until they explode.
33. Perfect a foreign accent.
34. Plot world domination.
35. Perform an interpretive dance of LMFAO‘s I’m Sexy and I Know It.
36. Bake and decorate a cake.
37. Plan your future wedding.
38. Go grocery shopping (the store will be EMPTY).
39. Re-read every C&R post and comment on all of them.
40. Actually visit Our T.V. Night (because no one ever does).
41. Build a sex machine.
43. Compose a C&R guest post and email it to Adam.
44. Learn the beautiful art of flower arraigning.
45. Drink alcohol until you pass out.
46. Lick the black mold that’s growing on your bathroom wall.
47. Clean your house.
49. Go see a movie.
50. Dream up 50 more things that you could do instead of watching the Super Bowl.
Special thanks to Mikey and Craig for their assistance with this post.