Welcome to the 6th week of Biggest C&R Loser 2013! This year we’ll be keeping all of the results and placings secret until the end of the contest. We’ll also be pooling our cash to award the 2013 winner the largest prize we’ve ever awarded … a whopping $40! This week’s theme is “MEAL PLAN” – each contestant will show you a meal that they’re particularly proud of. Do they eat this healthy at every meal, or is it a rarity? Who knows! Here’s what they had to say:
This organic vegan place down the street has these awesome smoothies. This one is called “green power”. Ingredients are: pear, banana, almond butter, soy milk aaaaaand [drum role please] kale!!! It’s tastes really good, despite the fact that it looks like swamp water. I had it for breakfast couple of times this week and it’s a nice change from standards like oatmeal, yogurt or nothing.
I mentioned the banana smoothies I have in the morning before, but I came to the sad, pathetic realization that I’ve done very little cooking from scratch (except pasta, which isn’t very diet-y) While living in residence at teacher’s college. So I guess I have to stick with a paltry smoothie offering for this round.
It’s a salad from a local buffet and a Diet Coke. And that’s healthy, right? The only problem is, this photo is from a few years ago. But I DO try to eat salads and healthy foods, more often than not. Well sometimes. Well, I WANT to eat healthier at times, at least. That counts, right?
As a rule we eat pretty healthy. Most dinners are protein, vegetable, starch, lunches are usually sandwiches of some kind. We rarely have dessert but it varies from fruit to pudding to ice-cream if we have some in the freezer. I forgot I had to take a picture, so I found pictures of dinner I made Monday evening. Bulgar pilaf, pork loin, green beans and I confess I may have snuck a cruller that day, but that is the first donut I’ve had in… months.
Most of my progress evaporated on Super Bowl Sunday, with its horrid temptations of beer and chili and chips and … and… (and that incredibly delicious buffalo chicken dip that Craig blogged about in 2008, back when Craig blogged.) But this week’s another week, and another opportunity to start eating right and exercising. (Bwahahaha!) Anyways, a fairly frequent meal in our house is a chicken and veggie stir fry. Lately I’ve been increasing the ratio of veggies to chicken, and cutting back on the Thai fish sauce to minimize sodium. It still tastes awesome, is easy to make, and my kids are even willing to eat a little bit of it.
I’m so proud of the meal in this photo! It’s what I eat every day for breakfast … nothing! People say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, but they can go fuck themselves. Plus the calories that I don’t eat for breakfast can be used later in the day (and I feel less guilty when I eat 10,000 cookies per day).
This meal consists of: vegetarian lentil stew (yummy!), a garden salad (with no fat Italian dressing) and a wheat roll. We had this the other night. I didn’t take a photo, but this is approximately what it looked like. Absent is the butter I put on my roll 
. The meals I cook are healthy. It’s the fact that I snack (chocolate and chips), eat late at night and don’t exercise that gets me in trouble. If I could cut all of that out, I’d be golden!
This is not the single healthiest meal I’ve eaten all week. I haven’t eaten very healthy at all this week. I took hot dogs, covered them with Jack Cheese and wrapped it in a pizza in honor of 30 Rock‘s finale. I stand by my choice.
Hey, kids, Uncle Polt of Polt’s Palace here! Do to his obsession with Polt’s Ass, there’s no way Adam could focus long enough to do this post, even though I know he wants to. So I graciously decided to surprise him and do it FOR him! So here we go with….
Have You Ever…Been Polt’s Ass?
The rules: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.
Have you ever?!
1. Have you ever been white?
2. Have you ever been hairy?
3. Have you ever been flat?
4. Have you ever been used repeatedly in C&R posts?
5. Have you ever been plastered all over a July photo in a calendar?
6. Have you ever been masturbatory material for Craiggers?
7. Have you ever been deserving of your own regular C&R feature?
8. Have you ever had a $100 bill sticking out of an orifice?
9. Have you ever had an arm, hand and dumbbell thrusting out of you?
10. Have you ever been seen to be laying in the middle of a street?
11. Have you ever been a victim of a freaky obsession by the even more freaky Adam?
12. Have you ever been responsible, consistently, for an increase in comments on C&R posts?
13. Have you ever been slapped by Kris?
14. Have you ever been a reason why Adam will never get rich?
15. Have you ever been admired by someone instead of them watching the super bowl?
16. Have you ever been assumed to be the exact and total opposite, like a big power bottom, of what you actually are, like a butch masculine top?
17. Have you ever been dancing….ahem, cheek to cheek with Paul’s insanely cute boyfriend Travis?
18. Have you ever been a blog post tag on C&R?
19. Have you ever been called “award-winning” by Adam?
20. Have you ever been told you’d be a good thing to pee on?
21. Have you ever been the recipient of The 2011 Lifetime Achievement Cocky Award?
22. Have you ever had Rebecca Black sing a song about you?
23. Have you ever been the C&R fan favorite?
24. Have you ever been part of The 12 Days Of Whatever?
25. Have you ever been a consolation prize to someone if Michelle M. doesn’t win the lottery?
Now, try to pull your eyes away so you can total up your score and tell us what you got in the comments!
(A special Polt-thanks to Michelle M. for allowing me to have one of her Mondays, and another special Polt-thanks to Mikey, for posting this for so it could be a total surprise to Adam!)
HUGS……
This week I turned to you for a Friday Five… and by FSM, you delivered! By the power of Grayskull, I present YOUR Friday Five!
Hot problems! We can all relate, I’m sure. These girls are just… awful. They make yearn for the vocal styling of Rebecca Black. I’m pretty sure this video is the beginning of the End of Days. -Michelle M.
NYC is Effed.
And you know what End of Days means. That’s right. Zombies! Here’s a Zombie Survival Map. Just plug in your address and find all the resources you need to help you survive an undead outbreak. -Michelle M.
Since we’ve been rehearsing FAME like forever – the mastermind behind Tyrone Jackson decided to start filming us seeing as we are a kick ass cast! The vlogs have been posted for our viewing enjoyment and this is our most recent. I recommend skipping the useless stuff and going straight to 2:48 where we start dance warm up with our lovely choreographer Chloe! Then it’s our opening number, Pray/Hard Work. After is our wonderful Tyrone singing Dancing on the Sidewalk! Enjoy! Also this is still rehearsal we’re much better now I promise! Our opening night went fantastic and hopefully the rest do toooooo! -Kristen “The Kid”
I know that this Doritos commercial is from the Super Bowl but I still love it. Every time it’s on I have to stop what I’m doing and watch. When he slams into the window it kills me! -Tam
Polt's laptop was broken!
What made this week great for me? Friends that have enough intimate knowledge of computers to help me reformat my laptop. Thanks to StratCat, it’s now back up and running, albeit, a smidge differently than before, just minor changes, mind you, but changes nonetheless. Still, it’s better than what I had before she got it up and running. So yay to friends who can do that, in general, and to StratCat in particular! -Polt
Have you ever imagined what goes on inside the head of your favorite pet? Well one enterprising Brit put those wonders onto my current favorite tumblr blog. It even got me to use the term tumblr, which I hate. I mean…why not tumbler? It’s only one more letter. I mean….seriously. Anyway….check out the site for all the real life inspired texts between one person and their dog. -Mikey
Roscoe would look awesome with a monocle.
MY GOODNESS What a week! Hot Problems, Zombies, Fame, Doritos commercials, friends with computer knowledge, and a British dog that can text! It’s such a great Friday Five that there actually six! Wowzers!
And since I didn’t participate this week, here are MY runners up: open windows, my bicycle, Dick Clark died, Wawa Diet Green Tea, driving with the windows down, going to bed early, ant traps, Draw Something, mustaches, Kindle Fire and hardcore gay pornography.
C&R’s last crowdsourced Friday Five was such a hit that I’ve decided to do it again. Here’s your Friday Five!
From Polt: What did I love about this week? Freshly laundered bedsheets, still warm from the dryer. Slapping these little slices of heaven right on the bed and then sliding between them, rolling onto your side, pulling the sheet up to your nose and making yourself a little cocoon of warm, comfy, lavender-scented awesomeness is one of life’s greatest pleasures! Next to a night with three Asians with hairthings spent on those sheets. Yeah, that would be better.
From Tam: My new favourite thing is PC Caramelized Red Onion Chutney. At our house we hate mustard and we hate mayonnaise, so sometimes sandwiches are a little dry, but since I discovered this product … *swoon*. The description: With a fusion of English-style malt vinegar and Italian balsamic vinegar of Modena, along with brown sugar, herbs, spices, and slow-cooked caramelized onions, our zesty chutney adds a dash of vibrancy to your dishes. Imported from United Kingdom. Doesn’t that sound yummy? I guess the imported thing explains the price, a bit steep, but worth every cent to liven up my sandwich. I see they use butter in it so it’s not vegan. Sorry Adam.
From Craig: M&Ms – Growing up in my parents house, Mom always kept bowls of red and green M&Ms scattered around the house around Christmas. (For our Canadian readers, M&Ms are like your Smarties but a million and a half times better.) I carried the tradition over to my new place for my first Christmas on my own and it was fantastic. Easy access to M&Ms at all times with no one but myself to eat them? Yes please! Even after the Christmas season ended, and all the red and green M&Ms had made their way through my toilet and into your drinking water, I’ve kept the tradition alive by keeping original M&Ms on my coffee table at all times. Not only are they extremely delicious, but they add a splash of color to my drab earth toney living room!
From Mikey: So there was this thing called the Super Bowl on Sunday. You might have heard of it. Well anyway, before the game aired NBC ran a commercial/promo wishing everyone a Happy Super Bowl. Sure this sounds like typical network TV fare for the most watched event of the year. What made this one amazing was the fact that someone (most likely Tina Fey) got a bunch of the stars of NBC’s shows together to sing and dance to “Brotherhood of Man” from How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying. The result…magic. And GAY magic, which only happens during Madonna Super Bowls.
From Michelle M.: A federal appeals court ruled against California’s voter-approved ban on same-sex marriage (Prop 8) on Tuesday. Finally.
This week’s runners up: the state of Washington, The premier of Smash, slow cookers, painting bottles, Dance Moms (last weeks competition took place at East Islip High School!), Happy Endings, Archie Panjabi, The River, cat breading and hardcore gay pornography.
 | Tasha on 10 Reasons Why Vaginas Are… |
 | Alexus on 10 Reasons Why Vaginas Are… |
| Alexus on 10 Reasons Why Vaginas Are… |
| Vagina. on 10 Reasons Why Vaginas Are… |
 | goblinbox on Biggest C&R Loser 201… |
 | Order Now! Fool Me T… on Commenter Cocktails! |
 | Jones sabo and maybe… on What Animal Are You? |
 | MsElenath on 10 Reasons Why Vaginas Are… |
Sports are Stupid! Here’s 50 Things To Do Instead of Watching the Super Bowl…
1. Clip your toenails.
2. Organize your grocery store coupons.
3. Admire Polt’s ass.
4. Twiddle your thumbs.
5. Stare at the wall.
6. Watch the Puppy Bowl on Animal Planet.
7. Read a book.
8. Watch The Notebook to balance out the world.
9. Organize a box of Fruit Loops by color.
10. Call all your butch friends who are watching the Super Bowl, just to chat.
11. Roll pennies.
12. Watch paint dry.
13. Clean out your closet.
14. Stuff everything that you took out of your closet into another closet.
15. Alphabetize your DVDs.
16. Comb your back hair.
17. Go shopping.
18. Clean out your refrigerator.
19. Replace the batteries in your smoke detectors.
20. Clean the dead bugs out of your ceiling lamps.
21. Make sure that everything hanging in your home is perfectly level.
22. Tweeze your eyebrows.
23. Catch up on Glee.
24. Look up naked women on the Internet and ponder why vaginas are just so damn disgusting.
25. Actually read one of those m/m short stories that Tam is always reviewing.
26. Masturbate.
27. Watch grass grow.
28. Play solitaire.
29. Add hundreds of pointless life events to your Facebook timeline.
30. Organize your porn.
31. Prune your pubes.
32. Microwave random things until they explode.
33. Perfect a foreign accent.
34. Plot world domination.
35. Perform an interpretive dance of LMFAO‘s I’m Sexy and I Know It.
36. Bake and decorate a cake.
37. Plan your future wedding.
38. Go grocery shopping (the store will be EMPTY).
39. Re-read every C&R post and comment on all of them.
40. Actually visit Our T.V. Night (because no one ever does).
41. Build a sex machine.
42. Nap.
43. Compose a C&R guest post and email it to Adam.
44. Learn the beautiful art of flower arraigning.
45. Drink alcohol until you pass out.
46. Lick the black mold that’s growing on your bathroom wall.
47. Clean your house.
48. Exercise.
49. Go see a movie.
50. Dream up 50 more things that you could do instead of watching the Super Bowl.
Special thanks to Mikey and Craig for their assistance with this post.
Rate this:
Share this:
Like this: