If you’re anything like me, you looooove movies. Good ones, bad ones, in between ones. Show me a drama film, an action flick, sci-fi, horror, porno or just about anything else, and I’m happy. I’ll even watch a Sandra Bullock chick-flick as long as there’s a cute boy in it (like Ryan Reynolds!). Drop me into a freezing dark theater with a few friends or family members and I’m happy. Stick some duct tape over the mouths of everyone else in the theater and ask them to stop crunching their damn popcorn and nacho chips so loudly and I’m ecstatic. Ban cell phones from the theater and I’ll splooge a mess of happiness all over the place.
Eww. How did I get to that point? Seriously, it’s like every time I start to babble, it always ends with semen, feces or fisting. Gross!
So anyway! The second best thing about going to the movies? The movie trailers! But what about when those trailers just look TERRIBLE? Take the next two trailers, for example. Who thought it was a good idea to make a Yogi Bear movie? Yogi wasn’t even that good when he was a cartoon … and Tom Cavanagh! What have you sunk to? You were great in Ed! Why can’t you land a better gig than this?
Next up we have another movie that should never have been made: Titanic II
! When we last left the Titanic
, that giant mess of CGI had sunken to the bottom of the ocean, Leo
died (oops, spoiler alert…), and Kate
turned all old and wrinkly. But 100 years after the first maritime disaster, the Titanic II
is setting sail. It’s staffed with a bunch of F-list actors and shitty special effects … can’t wait!
And then sometimes Hollywood gets it right. I’m talking about Sucker Punch. It’s directed by the porno director of Watchmen and 300, Zach Snyder and stars Vanessa Hudgens, Jena Malone, Jon Hamm, among others. I have no idea what it’s really about, where it takes place, or what the fuck is going on, but I know this: It looks eff’n amazing. Check it out:
And then there are the trailers that you don’t see in the theater. You’re sitting at your computer late at night, surfing YouTube (cuz porn gets boring after a while) and you come across a video like Jane Austin Fight Club. This is a movie that SHOULD get made. Forget Yogi Bear, forget Titanic II. Throw Robert Rodriguez or Quentin Tarantino into the director’s chair and watch the magic happen.
So would you watch a Jane Austin Fight Club movie? Or does Yogi Bear or Titanic II float your boat? What about Sucker Punch? Or are you looking forward to another upcoming flick? Munch (quietly!) on some popcorn and leave a comment!