Our twelfth week is complete! Today our contestants celebrate twelve weeks into the cockiest and rudest weight loss competition evahhhh! It’s Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3!
BC&RL3 is almost over! What are the contestants going to do after the contest ends? Will they continue their diets or fall back into their old ways? Here’s what they had to say…
Mr. Sombrero
Ok I barely lost any weight but this contest opened my eyes and I realized how much I suck at it an need to take this whole weight-losing seriously. Since I always cram things last minute I hope that I can lose few more pounds by the end of this competition. I have few things lying around the house that can help me do that…
TwoPi
On the advice of my physician, I’ve quit caffeine completely. Next up: joining Weight Watchers online. Charles Barkley says I need to “learn to lose like a man”; I’m guessing he lost a bet or something, based on the photo above. Will WW push my weight loss past the 10% goal I set at the start of BC&RL3? Time will tell. I do know that I won’t end up looking like this photo though — Sir Charles has much better legs than I do.
Tam
Will I continue after this great contest is over? Yes. I’ve been a total slacker lately, but it’s always been there in the back of my mind, so it’s keeping me more honest than I might be otherwise. I have a trip to the UK in Sept. and losing some weight would be nice, so I think I’ll keep at it, even if I don’t have to check in every week. The way things were going before we started this, I would have been up as much as I’ve lost, so if nothing else, this brought my compulsive eating to a halt. I’ll keep slogging away. Congrats to Cupcake. Someday I shall be a cupcake, ’tis my fondest wish. (And I’m writing this before I know who wins, but I’m sure it’s Cupcake.)
Adam
Let’s face it, I’ve done horribly in this competition. But I’m going to change — I swear! Diet, exercise, willpower, and weight loss are all in my future! I hope…
Michelle M.
I’m about halfway to my goal, so I’m going to keep on dieting until I get there. Summer is coming and I want to fit into my shorts!
Ryan
I plan to continue after this, but I haven’t exactly been that diligent over the past few weeks. If I do my best to keep track of what I eat and make my exercise goals, I could hit my next weight goal sometime this summer. I don”t know if that will be the end because I’ve never been this lean in my life, so I have no idea where I want to end up. I think I might pick up running in the next couple of weeks. I’m at the point that walking longer doesn’t provide much of a challenge beyond finding the time.
Polt
This week, we’re to talk about Beyond BC&RL3. When this is over, I’ll not fall back into my old ways, cause I don’t want my doctor yelling at me. I got onto this diet I’m on because of her, and luckily it just happened to correspond with this competition. Weight loss, though, is only a secondary goal. My main goal is to get my sugar levels down. And that I’ll continue, hopefully, well after the contest. And in doing so, I’ll eventually end up all sleek, and svelte, and sexy-like. Just like this photo!
Mikey
The graph here is what I had hoped my weight loss would look like. It hasn’t yet, but I have started to lose weight again! Ty and I are continuing to two a few things to maximize our loss and minimize our waists: cooking healthier foods rather than doing the NYC thing of ordering in ALL THE TIME, substituting seltzer for tonic (don’t laugh…it works. I lost 5 lbs after making that small change), and trying to get more of the dreaded exercise.
And now the week’s results:
Stay tuned each Thursday for the stunning weight-loss success stories of our eight contestants. Who will win this year’s competition? Find out on May 31st … just in time for bikini season!
Our ninth week is complete! Today our contestants celebrate nine weeks into the cockiest and rudest weight loss competition evahhhh! It’s Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3!
As we begin the 10th week of BC&RL3, we check in with each of our contestants with the simple question: How are you feeling? Good? Bad? Indifferent? Anything? Here’s what they had to say…
Adam
If one word could encompass how I am feeling, it’s FRUSTRATION. I eat well, I exercise (occasionally) and yet it seems to be increasingly difficult for me to lose weight. WTF! I’m so sick of this … I’m ready to just give up and become one of those blobby people in WALL•E.
Michelle M.
I would say I’m feeling optimistic. Even though I seem to have hit a plateau, I’m almost halfway to my goal. And that’s without exercising! My next step is to start moving around so I can drop the rest of the weight before summer begins.
Mikey
I’m a sad puppy because I haven’t lost nearly as much weight as I would like…and because I’m eating too much crap! I blame stress, work, and Adam. Why can’t we live in a world were foods that make you fat tasted like rotting shark flesh instead of one where they taste sooooooo good.
Polt
So this week we’re supposed to discuss how we feel. Me, kinda meh. I’m glad I’m out there walking so much, it makes me feel better physically. I’m a bit disappointed in myself that I don’t stick to the diet regime as strictly as I’d like to be. I’ve me even more disappointed that I can’t seem to overtake Michelle M. and get that purple line on the graph all for myself! I won’t know exactly how good I’ve done, blood sugar wise, until June, but I think I’m doing well. At least I really hope so. But by and large, I’m feeling now with the contest almost over the same way I did before it began: Meh.
Ryan
I’m feeling pretty good. I ended up walking 22.8 miles on Saturday and didn’t get as sore as I have in the past. I intend to try a full marathon length walk this week. With the extra exercise, I have been slacking about keeping within my calorie budget, so my weight has been flat. Hopefully, I’ll do better with that this week.
Mr. Sombrero
WTW?! I can’t believe it’s been 2 months. I’m nowhere near my goal of 10% which bums me out, but that only means that I have only few more weeks to get (half way) there. I am constantly working out and moving, so that’s a very positive thing. And if you’re wondering, this is actually a picture of me working out. Yeah, I’m that furry.
Tam
What am I feeling? Fat depressed frustrated pig. Sigh. I have been trying to be good, and nothing is happening. Arrgghh. I really need to get back in the measure and recording groove. This week. Cross my heart. It’s tempting to just say “screw it” and eat an entire cheesecake, but I haven’t gotten there yet, at least I’m not gaining. *eye roll* Ugh.
TwoPi
Classes ended last week, course grades are filed, and I’m essentially free for the next few months to recharge mentally and gear up for fall classes. And my weight is down a bit more, which is nice. So I ought to be able to say I’m feeling great, but instead… meh. Saw my physician yesterday, who looked at my weight (and other medical issues) over the long-term, and recommended I give up caffeine, and insisted I join weight-watchers. Sigh. So today I’m feeling more like disappointed-cat or discouraged-cat. However, I couldn’t find their pictures, so instead here is a photo of ennui-cat.
And now the week’s results:
Stay tuned each Thursday for the stunning weight-loss success stories of our eight contestants. Who will win this year’s competition? Find out on May 31st … just in time for bikini season!
Our eighth week is complete! Today our contestants celebrate eight weeks into the cockiest and rudest weight loss competition evahhhh! It’s Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3!
People say that you should never sweat the small stuff. But sometimes it’s the little things that drive us crazy. This week we asked each of our contestants what one (or more) ‘little things’ are that bother them. Maybe it’s their blobby fat that hangs over their waist band, or the way that diet food always seems to taste awful. Here’s what they said:
Tam
When you say little things, I’ll take it literally. Why are little things so fattening? It’s only a few peanuts. They’re miniature M&Ms. It’s just dried cranberries. All of them JAMMED with calories (in addition to good things). All small food should have small calories. If you eat a huge burger, big calories. Tiny cookies, tiny calories. Why are these things not logical?
Mr. Sombrero
There are few things that bother Mr Sombrero. Number one is the scale. It hasn’t moved in weeks. What the frak scale?! I thought we were in this together?! Did Adam put you up to this? [no response] Whatever. Another thing that bothers Mr Sombrero is his full length mirror. I don’t like what I’m seeing. Yes I’m talking to you mirror. Don’t give me that fat look. You know what else bothers Mr S? That kid that lost his cupcakes. Yeah that Ryan kid. Showoff. I think I’ve seen some of his cupcakes hanging around my scale. And another thing, what is up with veggie farts. I mean seriously, enough is enough. And do they have to smell like hipster’s wool hat on a hot and humid urban August afternoon? Yeah these are some of my (least) favorite things…
Ryan
I’m getting tired of tracking everything. It’s the key to my success so far, but it gets really frustrating whenever I eat something outside of my normal routine. The uncertainty of how much food something contains can make planning the rest of the day pointless. This leads me to rely mostly on whether I feel hungry, but this leads to the temptation to let myself have what I want to eat even if I shouldn’t.
Michelle M.
One of the little things I hate is being a girl and trying to lose weight. It’s hard to stay on track when you automatically put on up to 5 pounds of water weight each month. You think you’re being good and the WHAM the numbers on the scale jump up. It’s so discouraging. And craving sugar and salty snacks doesn’t help. Stupid hormones.
TwoPi
What irritates me the most is having to pay attention to the bathroom scale once a week. Bad enough having to stand on the darned thing, which naturally gives out a little creaking noise, as in “Oh my GOHD how many of you ARE there?” Then there’s a number, which is never the number I remember from when I was in high school (roughly the last time in my life I stood on a bathroom scale on a regular basis). And finally, there’s the blasted comparison of this week’s number with last week’s number. Ugh. I feel like a schoolboy who just got called in front of the class and didn’t do his homework. Bleh.
Mikey
The little things I hate are the way my shirts fit and the way that my pants fit. I feel like ALL of my shirts are too small and I float around like the pink iceberg named Fat Betty. My pants however are loose enough that I need a belt, but my belt doesn’t have a hole at the right spot….so they are constantly sagging and showing my ample rear.
Adam
A little thing that I hate? Clothes that don’t fit. I’ve gained some weight in the last year — and now the shirts I wore last year aren’t fitting. Why can’t someone design clothing that grows with you? Or maybe I should just buy every available size of shirts that I like. That way one of ‘em will always fit! Think of all the plaid!!!
Polt
So this week we’re talking about the little things we hate. Writing these blurbs each week can be a pain, but I’ll not mention that. And I thought I’d actually have to force myself to be taking walks, but I find I enjoy them, and frankly, feel a bit guilty when I don’t take one at least every other day. No, I think what irritates me the most about this diet thing, is the lack of variety in the food I’m eating. I’m eating all the meat and veggies I want (not that I want, or even eat all that many), but after awhile, I’ve just gotten sick of steak. I’d really like to have a sub and some chips, or a big plate of steaming hot pasta and meatballs, or a huge greasy slice of pizza…but I cant. Steak and salad for me…thank you very much. Ah well, in the end it’ll be worth it, right?
And now the week’s results:
Stay tuned each Thursday for the stunning weight-loss success stories of our eight contestants. Who will win this year’s competition? Find out on May 31st … just in time for bikini season!
Our fourth week is complete! Today our contestants celebrate four weeks into the cockiest and rudest weight loss competition evahhhh! It’s Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3!
Our dieters have accomplished nearly a month dieting. Have you wondered what they miss the most? This week we asked each contestant what from their plumper days they miss the most? Is it food? Laziness? Or something else? Here’s what they said:
Michelle M.
Other than the metabolism of my youth, the thing I miss most is junk food (chocolate and chips, mostly). I can hardly wait until it’s time to donate blood so I can have a guilt free snack afterwards. I hope they have mini powdered donuts…
Polt
Okay, so this week it’s “What Do I Miss Most?” Well I didn’t really give up anything for the challange, but last week, my doctor put me on a low to no carb diet. So what do I miss? FREAKING CARBS!!! I miss pizza, bread, chips, pasta, donuts, potatoes, corn, peas, fries, buns, rolls, subs…oh God, I swear there was moment Monday when I would have given my left nut for a hot buttered roll! As Shakespeare said, “A cruller, a danish, my KINGDOM for an eclair!”
TwoPi
I miss not thinking about whether to buy something my mouth wants to eat. I miss not reading the nutrition labels on packaged foods. I miss giving in to my spur-of-the-moment cravings when I’m doing the grocery shopping. (I do, however, like that slightly smug feeling when I manage to walk down the junk food aisle and don’t give in, don’t put anything in the cart.) I miss not feeling like I’m at war with myself over food.
Ryan
I don’t miss beer (I still drink it) so much as I miss being able to drink without thinking about the calories. At this point, I’ve given up drinking outside of a social context. Enjoying a beer at home just isn’t worth making room for the calories. I also miss snacking. Chips or nut mixes tend to be too much of a bother when you have to measure out portions. It would also be nice to have supper be determined by what I feel like eating more than what will balance out what I ate during the rest of the day.
Tam
I miss desserts. I got in a really bad habit in early 2012 of eating dessert far too often. All kinds, cake, cookies, pie, ice-cream, it didn’t seem like a meal unless we had dessert. Since my trip I have only had the occasional Girl Guide cookie (which I faithfully recorded). I have passed on donuts, ice-cream and other baked treats. Now when I’m craving something I usually end up having a pudding cup or a jello/fruit cup. Both around 100 calories. I like both, but they’re no triple threat chocolate cake. I was super good this last week and got a crappy number. Oh well, means next week will be high right?
Mikey
I miss nothing other than ice cream at the moment. Sure it’s only early spring, but I can always eat ice cream. It’s my favorite dessert of all time. And I haven’t had any in months. Poor Mikey!
Mr. Sombrero
I try not to deprive myself of delicious foods. I keep it in moderation and decrease the intake.
I did replace unhealthy snacks with nuts and fruits. The trick is to completely banish unhealthy foods from your surroundings so one does not fall into temptation in the time of crisis. I do find myself dreaming of Twix PB bars.
Adam
Nearly a month ago, I gave up two foods that are awful for you. Those foods? Mustard and pickles. I miss them so much! Mustard and pickles are commonly known as the most fattening foods on the planet. By avoiding only these foods, I will slim down to the size of an Olsen twin. I miss them greatly, but it’s worth it!
And now the week’s results:
Stay tuned each Thursday for the stunning weight-loss success stories of our eight contestants. Who will win this year’s competition? Find out on May 31st … just in time for bikini season!
And so it begins! Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser begins today. Stay tuned each Thursday for the stunning weight-loss success stories of our nine contestants. Who will win this year’s competition? Find out on May 31st … just in time for bikini season! Yay!
Meet the contestants!
Mikey
The whole idea for BC&RL started with me telling Adam that I was officially fat and needed to lose weight to be healthy again. Well…I’m hoping three times really is a charm. Plus…I have a lot of room to go if I’m going to fit into that size 6 wedding gown by Vera Wang this fall.
Adam
I’m so fu¢king fat that none of my clothes fit. My goal is to lose one thousand pounds. mmmm cookies.
Polt
Polt here, and looking over the rules for this thing, I see today I need discuss my reason for participating and what I hope to accomplish. Okay, both can be answered simply by looking at my most recent photo. Yes, I have put on a few pounds since the 2nd edition of this, thanks for noticing and while I ain’t much to look at, at least I’m purple. Anyway, I’m playing along this time because a) I played in the first two and I like being consistent, b) someone has to come in last, and I’ve got broads shoulders (and hips and stomach, etc) so I can take it, c) I’d hate to see Adam cry if not a lot of people played along and d) I might just end up losing a few pounds out of this. And what do I hope to accomplish? Well, some weight loss, I suppose, but I don’t have high hopes for it. No I’m not being negative, just pragmatic. Good luck to everyone!
TwoPi
My doctor has been hassling encouraging me to lose weight for a while. And while I know what I ought to do, having the motivation to actually do it is hard. “Eat right and exercise”; yeah, it might add ten years to my life, but (a) that’s ten years of eating right and exercising, and (b) it’s the LAST ten years it adds on. Give me ten more years as a thirty-year-old, and I might be interested! Anyways, it is something I’ve been meaning to get around to doing, and BC&RL3 seemed like it would be way more fun than going to Weight Watchers’ meetings. Here’s a photo of me with my body double, Alfred Hitchcock.
Tam
This is my inspiration for joining BC&RL3. I convinced myself I could still wear those jeans, I had just chosen not to. HAHAHAHA Oh right. Denial is a wonderful thing. My goals is to get back into those jeans and maybe even the pair a size smaller I admitted I couldn’t wear. Hopefully being accountable to the world wide web will help me stay on track, that along with the encouragement of the other contestants.
Michelle M.
I’m participating because I need to lose some damn weight!
Ryan
I kept going after last season and eventually lost seventy pounds. After taking the last few months off, I’m ready to lose the last bits of fat.
Mr. Sombrero
Mr. Sombrero needs to lose weight because his sombrero doesn’t fit him any more.
Welcome to FINAL ROUND of Cocky & Rude Fight Club! The rules to the game are simple. First I’ll re-introduce our fighters. We’ll give them each a chance to speak their mind. Then we’ll put the results to vote. You’ll pick which combatant will decimate their opponent in the knock-down, drag-out brawl of Cocky & Rude Fight Club! Let’s meet the final two contestants:
Round 1: Michelle M. defeats Oprah Winfrey
Round 2: Michelle M. defeats Captain Kirk and Polt
Round 3: Michelle M. defeats “The Kid” and FDot
The fact that Ryan is younger, taller and in better shape than I am means nothing. Nothing! Ryan is pure evil. Seriously. The only way someone could achieve the willpower to lose weight and buff up their bod so quickly and thoroughly is by going to the Dark side. All I need is a few sips of Pepsi and I will go Yoda* on his ass. I can polish off a cupcake faster than the Millennium Falcon can jump to lightspeed. The Force is with me. Little, ancient wrinkled me.
*CGI Yoda, not muppet Yoda.
-Michelle
Round 1: Ryan defeats The Muffin Man
Round 2: Ryan defeats Adam and Chris D.
Round 3: Ryan defeats Mr. Sombrero and Ty
Finally! Now Adam will stop nagging me. I congratulate Michelle on her success so far, but it has sadly come to an end. To console her, I have this totally not deadly* cantaloupe for her.
I have a few advantages that will lead me to victory. First, the demographics of this site skew heavily toward those who prefer looking at fit guys in tight shirts over girls wearing anything (or nothing). Second, in the event that this shifts from a popularity contest to a Nerf sword duel, I believe that my childhood has believe my childhood has prepared me for success. Finally, the cantaloupe.
*Description of cantaloupe as not deadly does not imply any guarantee that the cantaloupe is not deadly.
-Ryan
WHO WILL BE THE C&R FIGHT CLUB ULTIMATE CHAMPION?? There’s only one rational way to decide who will win this battle. We’re putting this no-holds-barred fight to a vote. The poll will be open for approximately 24 hours, and you may vote as many times as you want. That’s right — we’re not blocking repeat votes, so vote now and vote often for your favorite Cocky & Rude Fight Club opponent.
Check back on Sunday for the results!
Thanks to Michelle M. and Ryan for your assistance with this post!
 | Anonymous on 10 Reasons Why Vaginas Are… |
 | Chris Crépon on 10 Reasons Why Vaginas Are… |
 | Polt on BC&RL 2013: Part 2 |
 | Mikey on BC&RL 2013: Part 2 |
 | Michelle M. on BC&RL 2013: Part 2 |
 | The Incredibly Shrin… on BC&RL 2013: Part 2 |
| Mikey on BC&RL 2013: Part 2 |
| poltguy on BC&RL 2013: Part 2 |
Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3: Week 11
As we begin the 11th week of BC&RL3, we take a peek at somewhere BC&RL has never gone before … into the cupboards! Much like our ‘in the fridge’ week, this week we take a look inside each of our contestant’s cupboards, pantries, or wherever they’re storing their non-refrigerated foodstuff. Check it out!
TwoPi
Our pantry is a converted broom closet. The top two shelves hold liquids (olive oil, vinegar, key lime juice, Thai fish sauce, etc…), while the next two shelves are mostly canned goods (lots of pineapple, tuna, various soups, tomatoes, etc….) The lowest shelves (mostly off camera) have non-food items, such as trash bags and various food storage items. I mostly use the stuff on the top two shelves; the rest of the pantry mostly consists of forgotten items lost in the transition from grocery bag to dust bin.
Tam
This could be called my Carb Cupboard (sorry Polt). This picture shows it tidier than it sometimes is, and messier than at other times. The top shelf is carb heaven – pasta, noodles, mac & cheese and rice; second shelf is canned goods and things like drink mixes; third shelf is breakfast stuff – cereal, juice (and ice-cream toppings – not so breakfasty); fourth shelf is snacks – crackers, chips, popcorn, little fruit cup thingies for lunches; bottom shelf is trash bags, light bulbs and potatoes. There is a shelf above you can’t see, but it is empty juice jugs, vases and booze. Ahem.
Mr. Sombrero
All I have are spices and shit. I’m going for the win. Vote for me in The Messiest A** Pantry – 2012. Yeah, no comment.
Ryan
Most of my non-refrigerated food is in these three cupboards. The others contain some spices and extra dry goods. Note the supply of oatmeal, raisins, and cinnamon ready for breakfast.
Polt
So this week, we’re talking what’s in our cupboard. In my cupboards all I have are dishes, glasses, Tupperware, that sorta stuff. I do have a pantry, but I use that for storage purposes. And I have a series of shelves in the cellar way, but they only contain some cans of soup, green beans, spaghetti-O’s, fruit salad, some salad dressing and a lonely can of tuna. Most of my non-refrigerated food I just store on my counter top like so: cereal, popcorn, peanut butter, whole wheat bread, spray cheese, sugarless caramels, Pringles, and Crystal Light. I don’t eat the pathetic looking plant there, I’ve had Janis for about ten years, longer than any plant I’ve ever had.
Mikey
You can see that I keep my kitchen cabinets better stocked than the fridge. That is influenced by the fact that I am obsessed with having every possible spice on hand in case it ever comes up in an exotic recipe. AND I DON’T HAVE THEM ALL YET. You can also see healthy olive oil on one shelf and brown rice on the other. See…I am trying.
Michelle M.
We have a tiny cupboard. Here’s what’s in it.
1. coffee (for Harry) tea and hot chocolate
2. canned vegetables and beans
3. nuts, popcorn, raisins, nuts and emergency chocolate
4. rice, pasta, lentils, Asian noodles
5. bread, soup, vegetable and chicken broth
6. cooking oils, hot sauce, pasta sauce, peanut butter
7. cereal, granola bars, pretzels, crackers
8. baking stuff
9. Harry’s breakfast fixings (oatmeal and stuff to make it taste good).
Adam
Left top: teas, oatmeal, olive oil. Left middle: Emergen-C, random ingredients, soy sauce, pepper oil, balsamic vinegar. Bottom left: lots of spices and seasonings. Top right: flour, rice, sugars. Middle right: Indian food, raisins, Maggi noodles, lentils, popcorn. Bottom right: canned veggies, sauces and vitamins.
And now the week’s results:
Stay tuned each Thursday for the stunning weight-loss success stories of our eight contestants. Who will win this year’s competition? Find out on May 31st … just in time for bikini season!
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