Welcome to THE FINAL FIGHT OF THE FIRST ROUND OF Cocky & Rude Fight Club! The rules to the game are simple. Each week we’ll introduce our fighters. We’ll do the leg work and help you analyze their strengths and weaknesses. Then we’ll put the results to vote. You’ll pick which combatant will decimate their opponent in the knock-down, drag-out brawl of Cocky & Rude Fight Club! Let’s meet this week’s fighters…
AKA / Alias / Nicknames: Mr. Cartmanez, The Coon First Appearance: December 1992 in the short, Jesus vs. Frosty Place of Birth: South Park, Colorado Nationality: American Hair Color: brown Current Residence: South Park, Colorado Relationship Status: single Religion: Roman Catholic Occupations (current and/or past): Student, occasional politcian, occasional musician, occasional vigilante Height & Weight: a lot (he’s big boned and has used Weight Gain 3000), Favorite song: possibly Styx, Come Sail Away Favorite Food: Pot Pies, Cheesy Poofs Common Attire: Red shirt, brown pants, black shoes, blue and yellow winter hat Most Hated: Jews, Hippies, Gingers Known for: Cartman once murdered the parents of his nemisis (Scott Tenorman, a ginger), ground them up into chili, and fed them to him. Catch Phrases: “Shut up you stupid Jew,” “Respect my authority,” “No kitty that’s a bad kitty!” and “Screw you guys. I’m going home” Claim to Fame: Many have tried to kill Eric Cartman, but although he is frequently caprtured or abducted, he continues to thrive on the stupidity of the masses. Favorite curse word: Shit, Fuck
Voiced by Trey Parker, Cartman is an overweight, immature, spoiled, outspoken, lazy, foul-mouthed, mean-spirited, racist, sexist, anti-semitic, sociopathic, narcissistic, and ill-tempered third- then fourth-grader living with his mother in the fictional town of South Park, Colorado, where he routinely has extraordinary experiences not typical of conventional small-town life. Cartman is one of the most popular characters on the show and has remained one of the most recognizable television characters ever since South Park became a hit during its first season. Parker and Stone describe the character as “a little Archie Bunker”, and state that he is their favorite character, and the one with whom they most identify. During its fifteen seasons, South Park has received both praise and criticism for Cartman’s tendency to be politically incorrect and shockingly profane. Prominent publications and television channels have included Cartman on their lists of the most iconic television and cartoon characters of all time. Eric Cartman’s secret weapons include: the utter lack of a conscious, the drive to do and get anything he wants, and uncompromising hatred towards anything that crosses him.
AKA / Alias / Nicknames: Adam-Shmadam, Sully, Gingy Date of Birth: July 5th, 1980 Place of Birth: Somerville, NJ Nationality: American Mutt Hair Color: reddish blondish brownish Current Residence: Ringoes, NJ Relationship Status: dating Mr. Sombrero Religion: atheist Occupations (current and/or past): graphic artist, retail, receptionist, mail room clerk, library page Height & Weight: more and more every day, 6ft Favorite song: The Beatles, While My Guitar Gently Weeps Favorite Food: anything vegan and delicious Common Attire: plaid, flip flops Most Hated: Racists, The R-Word, Pickles, Mustard Known for: thinking vaginas and penises are gross Catch Phrases: “Craig has a small penis” Claim to Fame: Prolific blogger, has never made a mistake in his life Favorite curse word: “Goddamn Mother Fucker!”
Everyone’s favorite blogger (no, not Craig) is finally ready to fight. After 17 Cocky & Rude Fight Club bouts, the ringleader is stepping into his ring. Here’s his story… Adam was born a little over 31 years ago to rich, famous and well-connected parents. But his luck quickly ran out when he was accidentally swapped by an inattentive hospital worker. Thus he was given to a family of more average fortunes. In his new family, he became a middle child, starved for attention at all times. A public school education left him feeling empty and unfulfilled, as did college. He stumbled into a career of graphic arts, where he excels but is rarely appreciated. Almost by accident, he created Cocky & Rude, where his true potential has been so perfectly realized. Adam is a master of poop jokes, silliness, grossness, games, quizzes and urine photography. Adam’s secret weapons include the great powers of plaid, his loyal (and psychotic) Spring, an army of ceramic garden gnomes, a red Honda Fit, and a urine-soaked digital camera.
Who will win in the battle of ERIC CARTMAN vs. ADAM? Will Cartman defeat Adam with his hatred of gingers and hippies? Or will Adam use his plaid shirts and cocky and rude attitude to conquer Cartman? There’s only one rational way to decide which fighter will win this battle. We’re putting this no-holds-barred fight to a vote. The poll will be open for approximately 24 hours, and you may vote as many times as you want. That’s right — we’re not blocking repeat votes, so vote now and vote often for your favorite Cocky & Rude Fight Club opponent.
Check back on Sunday for the results!
Thanks to Michelle M. for your assistance with this post!