Welcome to Cocky & Rude Fight Club! The rules to the game are simple. Each week we’ll introduce our fighters. We’ll do the leg work and help you analyze their strengths and weaknesses. Then we’ll put the results to vote. You’ll pick which combatant will decimate their opponent in the knock-down, drag-out brawl of Cocky & Rude Fight Club! Let’s meet this week’s fighters…
TORNADO
Also known as: Twister, Cyclone, Landspout, Waterspout, Dust Devil
Time of Birth: Anytime, but most often between 3pm and 9pm
Residence: 3 out of every 4 tornadoes occur in the United States
Relationship Status: usually single
Occupation: destruction
Height: 8-16 miles
Wind Speed: Average of 110mph; Maximum of 300+mph
Favorite Animal: Cow
Favorite Movie: Twister, The Wizard of Oz
Typical Duration: 8 minutes
Hobbies: moving house, killing witches
Favorite Curse Word: motherfucker
Tornadoes are violent, dangerous, rotating columns of air that are in contact with both the surface of the Earth and a cloud. They come in many shapes and sizes, but are typically in the form of a visible funnel, whose narrow end is often encircled by a cloud of debris and dust. Most tornadoes have an average speed of 110mph, are approximately 250 feet across, and travel a few miles before dissipating. The most extreme can attain wind speeds of more than 300mph, stretch more than 2 miles across, and stay on the ground for dozens of miles. Their secret weapons include transporting opponents from Kansas to Oz, hurling cows at storm chasers, dropping houses on witches and flinging forks from decimated house into trees.
PAUL WYCKOFF
Also known as: P.J.
Date of Birth:June 8, 19something, something Residence: “Long Guyland” Relationship Status: “Single, currently accepting applications to change that, must have acceptable tattoo to tooth ratio” Occupation: “Controller, that’s right, I AM IN CONTROL!” Height & Weight: “I wish I was little bit taller, I wish I was a baller.”
Average Speed: Recently clocked at 100 MPH.
Favorite Animal: Whitey
Favorite Movie: Female Trouble
Typical Duration: Given the right circumstances, hours. Hobbies: Commenting on blogs while ignoring his own.
Favorite curse word: Cunt
Paul Wyckoff is a violent, dangerous man that lives in “Long Guyland”, New York with his hench-cat, Whitey. When he’s not busy being the controller of a black and white company, he spends his time surfing YouTube, commenting on blogs, watching South Park and Family Guy, fastidiously decorating and cleaning his condo, and grooming to his glorious swirl. The swirl itself has been known to kill without remorse, and is considered one of the most dangerous weapons on Earth. Paul’s secret weapons include an army of drag queens, the ability to use YouTube videos to convey ideas that only he thinks are funny, and the power to turn the sky purple and fill with lightning. Viva la swirl!
Who will win in the battle of Swirl vs. Swirl? Will a tornado fling Paul to Oz before he even has a chance to fight? Or will Paul strike fast and quick with an amusing and relevant YouTube video? We’re putting this no-holds-barred fight to a vote. The poll will be open for approximately 24 hours, and you may vote as many times as you want. That’s right — we’re not blocking repeat votes, so vote now and vote often for your favorite Cocky & Rude Fight Club opponent.
Check back on Sunday for the results!
Thanks to Paul & Michelle M. for your assistance with this post!
Welcome to Cocky & Rude Fight Club! The rules to the game are simple. Each week we’ll introduce our fighters. We’ll do the leg work and help you analyze their strengths and weaknesses. Then we’ll put the results to vote. You’ll pick which combatant will decimate their opponent in the knock-down, drag-out brawl of Cocky & Rude Fight Club! Let’s meet this week’s fighters…
THE TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES
Members: Leonardo, Raphael, Michelangelo, Donatello
First Comic Book Appearance: May 1984 Place of Birth: McMahon’s Pet Emporium, Chesabeake Bay Residence: the New York City Type of Residence: Sewer Hideout Relationship Status: single Regional Accent: New York Reptilian Occupation: Crime Fighters Height & Weights: Ranging from 5′-5’2“, 145-155lbs
Mentor: Master Splinter Favorite Ninja Weapon: Katana Blades, Sai, Nunchukus, Bo Catch Phrase: “Cowabunga!” Favorite Food: Pizza
Hobbies: Skateboarding, Video Games, Hanging out with April O’Neil Favorite curse word: None
The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are a team of four teenage anthropomorphic turtles, who were trained by their rat sensei, Master Splinter in the art of ninjutsu. From their home in the storm sewers of New York City, Leonardo (the leader), Michelangelo (the funny one), Donatello(the smart one) and Raphael (the other one), battle petty criminals, evil megalomaniacs, and alien invaders, all while remaining isolated from society at large. The Turtles have appeared in comic books, cartoons, video games, and feature films. Along with their signature weapons, these heroes in a half-shell will harness the power of teamwork, honesty, morality, humor, pizza gluttony, ‘Turtle Power’, radioactive ooze, and an ear-worm theme song to defeat their Leporidae opponent.
JOHN
Also known as: J.P, Trick, Small Mammal Alias: Rabbit of Caerbannog Date of Birth:10/8 Place of Birth: Providence, RI Residence: Johnston, RI Type of Residence: A hutch Relationship Status: Available Occupation: HR, Operations Specialist, Adorable Bunny Height & Weight: 9″, 4.5lbs Mentor: El-ahrairah Favorite Ninja Weapon: Katana Catch Phrase: “I’ll cut a bitch.” Favorite Food: Basil, Carrots, Cilantro Hobbies: Hopping, Jumping, Jujitsu Secret Weapons: Agility, Iron Teeth, Garrote, rope dart, meteor hammer Favorite curse word: Fuck
The exact origins of everyone’s favorite bunny, John, are unclear, but it is believed that he he was birthed as part of large litter by very fertile parents. John hails from the tiny state of Rhode Island, where he enjoys spending time in gardens and feeding on his own feces. (It’s true: Rabbits often reingest their own droppings to digest their food further and extract sufficient nutrients.) John’s other hobbies include delivering eggs on Easter, paper crafts, being kind to everyone, and wiggling his cute little fluffy bunny tail. John’s secret weapons include: speed, agility, iron teeth, garrote, rope dart, meteor hammer, a rapid reproductive rate and a razor-sharp wit.
Who will win in the battle of Turtles vs. The Hare? Will the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles hurl a canister of radioactive ooze at John … and turn him into a real man? Or will John defeat the mutant team with his speed, agility and strong hind legs? We’re putting this no-holds-barred fight to a vote. The poll will be open for approximately 24 hours, and you may vote as many times as you want. That’s right — we’re not blocking repeat votes, so vote now and vote often for your favorite Cocky & Rude Fight Club opponent.
Check back on Sunday for the results!
Thanks to John & Michelle M. for your assistance with this post!
Members: Leonardo, Raphael, Michelangelo, Donatello
JOHN
Recent Comments