Tag Archives: Snooki

Have You Ever … Peed?!

17 Comments Posted by on May 1, 2012

A recent study showed that “having to urinate really bad while driving is equivalent in terms of impairment to about a 0.05 blood alcohol level, according to the invaluable research done by Dr. Peter Snyder, a VP of research at Rhode Island Hospital.” My advice? Just pee! Where ever you are, just let it out! Just how creative have you been with your urination? Let’s find out!

The rules are simple: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.

Have You Ever?!

1. Have you ever peed?
2. Have you ever peed in a public restroom?
3. Have you ever peed in the opposite gender’s bathroom?
4. Have you ever peed while taking a shower?
5. Have you ever peed into a kitchen sink?
6. Have you ever peed into a jar or bottle?
7. Have you ever peed into a cup for a drug test?
8. Have you ever peed on the side of the road?
9. Have you ever peed in a port-a-john?
10. Have you ever peed while in a moving train?
11. Have you ever peed while in an airplane?
12. Have you ever peed while in a bus?
13. Have you ever peed in pool?
14. Have you ever peed in the ocean?
15. Have you ever peed in the snow?
16. Have you ever peed onto a floor?
17. Have you ever peed in front of someone else?
18. Have you ever peed in a bed?
19. Have you ever peed in your pants?
20. Have you ever peed out of the window of a moving vehicle?
21. Have you ever peed while driving a car?
22. Have you ever peed onto someone else?
23. Have you ever peed into someone’s mouth?
24. Have you ever peed into your own mouth?
25. Have you ever peed during sex?

Tell us your total and any fun pee stories in the comments.

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It’s The Friday Five!

15 Comments Posted by on March 9, 2012

Guess what folks…It’s Friday, which means it is time for a Friday Five. You may be scratching your head and thinking “didn’t we already do this?” Well that was Michelle’s amazing Monday Five…and this is Mikey’s Fabulous Friday Five. It’s really not that complicated. What happened this week that was worth hitting the charts? Well just read on, dear friends.

First up is the most amazing news out of New Jersey since Bruce Springsteen and Bon Jovi: Snooki is having a baby! For those of you who do not know, Snooki is the chief sleazebag on Jersey Shore. She has heightened awareness of all things New Jersey and help break down all those nasty stereotypes about people from the state. And now…she’s reproducing. I’m anticipating something that looks like Godzilla.

Next we have news from the wonderful world of technology. As we become more and more reliant on our smartphones, they are going to have to get bigger and bigger. Some enterprising young minds are truly worried about this development. In fact, the boys over at Buzzfeed’s new tech site FWD created a chart to demonstrate exactly when the smartphone screen will be larger than the average male penis. Of course, those of you with a micropeen are already pushing your phones forward to make your penis look bigger (I am obviously referring to Adam here).

In more serious news, the American Foundation for Equal Rights broadcast their star studded production of Dustin Lance Black’s play 8 on youtube last week. It is an important play only because it shows the idiocy and bigotry of the anti-gay asswipes fighting to keep happy gay couples from getting married. Also, you should watch it to see how much Chris Colfer’s talents are wasted on “Glee.”

While we are discussing wasted talent, we should turn our attention to Lindsay Lohan. She hosted SNL last week and aside from the Disney Housewives sketch it was awful. Furthermore, why has a woman so young had so much work done on her perfectly beautiful face? Just because Michael Jackson is dead, doesn’t mean that anyone should try and top his plastic surgery record. Lohan is looking so ragged that Debbie Harry was mistaken for her the day after her visit to NYC. Ms. Harry looks great for her age, but she’s also forty odd years older than LiLo.

And finally, the coolest of them all. About a year ago, I wrote a blog rant about how easy it has become to solve Rubik’s Cubes due to guides on the internet. Well an artist named Pete Fecteau has found a way to make them relevant to me again, by making them into a mural of Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. His Dream Big project takes hundreds of the cubes and manipulates them so that they have the right colors in the perfect space to make a mural of the Dr. King. It’s moving and mesmerizing.

There you have them folks: Snooki’s offspring, the Peenpocalypse, 8, the unusual resurgence of Debbie Harry, and Rubik’s Cube art. Close runners-up were hardcore gay pornography, this freakishly early spring weather, and 30 Rock’s amazing brilliance. What is on your five today?

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Why aren’t we all watching Anderson?

1 Comment Posted by on October 2, 2011

“I had no idea that Mr. Anderstan had muscles.”

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C&R Fight Club: REBECCA BLACK vs. THE KID!

25 Comments Posted by on May 12, 2011


Welcome to Cocky & Rude Fight Club!  The rules to the game are simple.  Each week we’ll introduce our fighters.  We’ll do the leg work and help you analyze their strengths and weaknesses.  Then we’ll put the results to vote.  You’ll pick which combatant will decimate their opponent in the knock-down, drag-out brawl of Cocky & Rude Fight Club! Let’s meet this week’s fighters…

REBECCA BLACK

Date of Birth: June 21, 1997
Place of Birth: Anaheim Hills, CA
Residence: With her parents, John Jeffery Black and Georgina Marquez Kelly
Relationship Status: Presumably single, possibly dating one of the boys in the video
Regional Accent: Californian Auto-Tune
Occupation: Singer(?)
Favorite Rapper: Patrice Wilson
What time do you wake up in the morning: 7AM (gotta be fresh, gotta go downstairs)
Favorite Breakfast food: cereal
Favorite underage driving destination: slow highways with cities in the background, parking lots, parties near trees with rainbow lighting
Favorite day of the week to git down on: FRIDAY
Do you look forward to the weekend?: we so excited!
Which seat can you take? (Front seat or back seat): undecided (“which seat can I taaaaaakeee?”)
Favorite curse word: none

Viral (pop?) star, Rebecca Black burst onto the Internet scene in March of 2011 after recording her hit song, Friday.  Reportedly costing her mother a whopping $4000, the “vanity release” has since spawned countless spoofs and covers by the cast of Glee, Stephen Colbert, Jimmy Fallon, The Roots and Taylor Hick, Nick Jonas, Katy Perry, Conan O’Brien and Andy Richter, and Justin Bieber.  The video features an excessive use of Auto-Tune, underage driving, a whole lot of “fun, fun fun, fun, partying, partying, yeah!”, a rap interlude by co-producer Patrice Wilson, bad haircuts, a disregard for car safety, and a brace-face named Benni Cinkle.  Rebecca’s weapons are numerous and include a convertible driven by minors, rainbow colored party lights, Benni Crinkle bites, and ear shattering Auto-Tuning.  It should also be noted that Rebecca may or may not be able to shoot lasers from her sizable  mole.  Beware!

KRISTEN, “THE KID”

Also known as: Dieter Vonsnizenhauzerkrank (i can’t believe I’m admitting this)
Alias: ‘Lil Meezy
Date of Birth: May 28
Place of Birth: Ottawa, Canada
Residence: With my mom
Relationship Status: Mentally dating various celebrities
Regional Accent: Canadian, eh?
Occupation: Forever Unemployed
Height & Weight: Not tall enough & a little too much
Favorite Rapper: S-L-I-M S-H-A-D-Y
What time do you wake up in the morning: Too early for any human being
Favorite Breakfast food: bagels, bagels and more bagels. 
Favorite underage driving destination: The Bagel Shoppe
Favorite day of the week to git down on: THURSDAY!!!!!!!!!!!
Do you look forward to the weekend?: Only if there’s PARTYING involved :D
Favorite place to party: The Slytherin Common Room
Which seat can you take? (Front seat or back seat): Front seat. I demand riding shotgun
Favorite curse word: BULLOCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Daughter of Tam (last week’s C&R Fight Club winner), Kristen (more commonly referred to as “The Kid”), hails from Ottawa, Canada.  Like your average teen girl, “The Kid” attends school, enjoys riding a pony named Sprinkles, dreams of one day becoming a ballet dancer, and loves watching Jersey Shore (she’s seen every episode!), and The Food Network.  Kristen’s favorite movies include Hitchcock’s Rope, Vertigo, Rear Window, and Psycho — so she’s clearly no stranger to murder and intrigue.  It may seem like “The Kid” fights in the shadow of her mother’s battle, but don’t be fooled … she shines bright!  Her secret weapons include Sprinkles the Pony (who may or may not be rabid), an endless supply of bagels (don’t let the holes fool you, they hurt when they hit you!), The Situation’s abs of steel, Snooki (who may or may not be rabid), and her favorite hockey team: the Pittsburgh Penguins.  Don’t mess with Dieter Vonsnizenhauzerkrank!!!

Who will win in the battle of Friday vs. Thursday?  Will Rebecca Black ignore her 2,710,134+ YouTube dislikes and Auto-Tune herself all the way to victory?  Or will “The Kid” trample her opponent to death with Sprinkles the Pony?  We’re putting this no-holds-barred fight to a vote. The poll will be open for approximately 24 hours, and you may vote as many times as you want. That’s right — we’re not blocking repeat votes, so vote now and vote often for your favorite Cocky & Rude Fight Club opponent.

Check back on Sunday at noon for the results!

Thanks to Kristen & Michelle M. for your assistance with this post!

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The Messy Adventures of Rainbow Poo

11 Comments Posted by on September 22, 2010

Previously on The Messy Adventures of Rainbow Poo:

Chapter One: Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV & Part V
Chapter Two: Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV
Chapter Three: Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV, Part V, Part VI, Part VII,
and now Part VIII:

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…But You Can't Take The Gay Outa The Boy.

9 Comments Posted by on July 13, 2010

Inventing a new sport, cutting off limbs, bleeding, alien encounters, bone loving, tree fu¢king, crotch patching and leaving your friend shackled in the woods to die?  All in a day’s fun for Adam and Mikey! But what happened … (dramatic pause) … after they left the woods?

As Adam and Mikey exited the woods, they discovered caged cock near the side of a road.  After a brief birdnapping attempt, Mikey and Adam decided that neither of them were experienced enough in cock wrangling to bring their plan to completion.  Before they left, the cock spit all over their faces.

As Adam drove to his house, Mikey was amazed to find that farms still exist in the Garden State.

As the boys entered Adam’s house, they were greeted by everyone’s favorite C&R Mascot: Spring!  Adam quickly swept her up in a plastic bag and swung her around over his head.

“Prrrrr!  I’ll destroy you all in the Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser contest … if Adam doesn’t suffocate me first!”

Spring then hopped inside of a box, and attacked Adam’s (recently regenerated) arm.

Mikey then proceeded to eat Adam’s cock.  No you perv!  Not his real cock — his plastic wrapped, penis-shaped, vegan, birthday Golden Grahams (Rice Crispy-style) treat “cake” with crushed Oreo Cookie pubic hair!  DUH!

After Adam snatched his cock back from Mikey’s grasp, the boys went to dinner in Lambertville, NJ.  They had invited Joshrico to join them, but Josh was spending the weekend in the city, and Enrico had headed home to visit his family. Mikey whined the whole time about his hiking boo-boos.  Adam did not order a beverage — there were plenty of Mikey’s tears to keep him well-hydrated.After dinner, Adam and Mikey trudged across the bridge into a foreign land filled with ancient gay men that walk hand-in-hand (New Hope, PA).  Here’s a beautiful shot of the Delaware, right before Mikey tried to toss Adam over the side of the bridge.

In the center of town there is a giant metal penis and a pile of balls.  Adam and Mikey were amazed at such a sight … If only the boys knew that they were about to have three, yes THREE celebrity sightings!

C&R’s Cockarazzi Celebrity Sighting #1: Do you see that sexy piece of ass in the center of the photo?  the one with dimpled flub-o legs and a black witch’s dress?  No, that’s not just your regular Walmart trash … that’s Snooki from Jersey Shore!

Grossed out by that sweaty mess of unsexy perspiration dribbling through the back of Mikey’s shirt (featuring killer epaulettes)?  LOOK CLOSER!

C&R’s Cockarazzi Celebrity Sighting #2: That’s Jesus Christ, the cockiest & rudest lord & savior that there ever was!  Our hero!  Yay!

Flabbergasted by their celebrity sightings, the boys headed back to Adam’s car.  As they crossed the bridge back into Lambertville, NJ, the boys heard the sound of awful, eardrum shattering tween music.  C&R’s Cockarazzi Celebrity Sighting #3: It was none other than Justin Bieber and a pack of feathered Bieberians squawking under the bridge!  ♪ ♫ There’s gunna be one less lonely guuurrrlll, Honk, Honk, Honk! ♬♭

As the day drew to a close, Adam drove Mikey all the way to his parent’s house in South Jersey.  The trip took hours and the boys passed the time by gossiping about other bloggers, being mean, incorrectly (Mikey) and correctly (Adam) identifying the singers of pop music, singing along amazing well (Adam) and off-key (Mikey), and telling deep dark secretsssss.  I’m sure you’d like to hear ALL about them, but those are all blogs for another day.

They hope that you enjoyed their adventure!  Note: Please feel free to complain about Adam’s sacrilege (specifically the Justin Bieber & Snooki stuff) in the comments below.

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