What do raindrops on roses, all edges brownie pans, schnitzel with noodles and apple bottom jeans have in common? They are not my favorite things (sorry Oprah and Maria von Trapp). I like other stuff. Here are a few of my favorite things:
My Le Crueset pitcher in Caribbean Blue. I just love the color. I got it so I can make iced tea (pouring the hot water in won’t crack it). I don’t like tea, and try as I might, cannot acquire a taste for it. But having this pitcher is an incentive to drink healthy, good for you, yucky tasting tea.
Nothing says “class” like plastic wine glasses (I also have plastic champagne glasses). We do have the crystal stuff, but who wants to hand wash a glass after enjoying their Beringer‘s zinfandel? The answer is: Not me.
Our TV trays – we use them ALL the time. Why eat at the dinner table when you can cram your face with food in front of the TV? Conversation is overrated anyway.
Butt warmers. Almost makes it worth driving a station wagon (it’s Harry’s – I will not cop to owning a station wagon).
Speaking of warm buns – croissants! Mmmm. Buttery, flaky and low calorie! Well, I’ll have to settle for two out of three.
Jasmine – this isn’t our jasmine. Ours isn’t quite as lush. But it’s blooming and smells heavenly.
Know what else smells good? Me! Because I use Elizabeth Arden‘s Green Tea perfume. It doesn’t smell like green tea, though, more like peppery lime.
Parcheesi! I love this game. Even though I haven’t played it in a million years, it’s still a favorite. Doubles, blockades, sending someone home – so much fun!
I love notebooks. I like the promise a brand new notebook holds. Maybe I’ll scribble down ideas for a post, make out a grocery list or start writing that million dollar novel – especially now that I’m participating in Craig’s Six Figure Summer (maybe he should make that Seven Figure Summer…).
See’s Milk Bordeaux candies. Did you know that See’s calls the sprinkles “chocolate rice”? You do now. Thank goodness they’re so rich or I’d be giving Fat Betty some competition.
So this is what I think of when the dog bites or the bee stings. And if you look under your chair, you will find… nothing! You get nothing! And you get nothing. Everybody gets nothing!
So what are some of your favorite things? Let me know in comments!
Don’t you just hate it when a product you love is discontinued? I do! Here are just a few of my favorite things that no longer exist.
Bath Products: Listerex Herbal Facial Scrub kept my face nice and clear and Bonne Bell Shower 2000 (the green kind) smelled soooo good). I sure miss Gee Your Hair Smells Terrific! shampoo. It really did make my hair smell terrific.
Snack Foods: Chipsters and Korkers, Dixie Snack crackers (they were shaped liked little drumsticks), Dip in a Chip crackers and Flaky Flix cookies. Mrs. Field’s cookie stores are no longer around (in San Diego – and the Mrs. Field’s grocery store cookies just aren’t the same). And neither are the Pretzel Time stores – my favorite of the mall pretzel stores. Boo!
and Candy: I mentioned before how much I liked the now extinct Choco Lite bar. I also miss the Marathon Bar. And why doesn’t See’s Candies make the peanut butter lolly pop anymore? They said it’s due to peanut allergies, but their other candies contain peanuts. Whatever, See’s.
Entrees: I’m not an adventurous eater. When I go to a restaurant, I usually get the same thing. Hey, I know what I like! So imagine my dismay when my go-to meal has disappeared from the menu.
The Thai chicken wrap at Mimi’s Cafe.
The steak salad at Rock Bottom.
The chili at Red Robin.
And Harry is mourning the disappearance of the salmon sliders at Sammy’s Woodfire Pizza.
Well, those are just some of the things that I miss. How about you? Are there any products/foods that you will never, ever enjoy again? Let me know in comments!
This year’s Bloggy Gift Exchange featured 25 bloggy friends, 24 awesome gifts, 2 countries, lots of smiles, lots of sugar, a few tears, a pack of Magnum condoms, and tons and tons more. Thanks to everyone for making this year’s gift exchange a huge success! We’re truly a classy bunch, and here’s the proof:
To: Mush
From: Nathan
…here’s my awesome nerdy gifts from bassoonist Nathan! Yay! It’s a virulent rabies plush and a sciency Doctor Who disappearing TARDIS mug! This photo image came out just the way I wanted it. YES THAT’S RABIES ON MY HEAD AND I AM GLAD TO SEE YOU. COFFEE? SPACE-TIME CONTINUUM? RAAAAAAAAAAAABIEEEEEES!
To: Polt
From: Tam
Tam had my name and she sent me a book about the quirks and histories of comic books and also a Dallas Cowboys garden gnome. Only thing that coulda made the gift better was to have it delivered by a Speedo-clad Asian Twinkie with a hairthing. This is the photo of me enjoying them both. HUGS…
To: Adam
From: Polt
Santa Polt (and his award-winning ass) sent me a box full of the world’s two best things: plaid and purple. Thanks to Polt, I can be cozy and formal with this super-warm hat and fantastic tie. I plan to wear them both as I spend many hours each night drawing pictures of Craig getting peed on or amassing enormous lists of blog post tags. Maybe this tie will help me land a great new high-paying job in the new year? I’m totally going to wear them both on my lumberjack interview next week! Fingers crossed that it pays well!
To: Mikey
From: FDot
FDot sent me this amazing life size TARDIS. Along with my dancing monkey fez, I think I make a very convincing Doctor. I also think I should use my TARDIS to go back in time and prevent myself from eating whatever it is that made me look so fat in this photo. I honestly do not care if doing so destroys the fabric of time.
To: Ty
From: VUBOQ
VUBOQ made me a beautiful mug and bowl. He also got me TWO varieties of Reese’s. I could only assume he wanted me to use it all to make a nutritious holiday breakfast.
To: Craig
From: Ty
My gift from Ty was titled Craig’s Sex-Mas Adventure! It was a three step process. First I was told that the clothes make the man, so he gave me this shirt and told me to put it on, then peel it off sexily. then he told me to spritz myself with cologne and dream of Cumming (Alan, that is), and finally I was taught that chocolate is a well known aphrodisiac and to sample these delicious chocolates to get in the mood. Once I finished the chocolates I was met with a horrific sight too reprehensible for words and I lost my hard-on immediately. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get it up again. Merry Christmas to me, I guess. 
To: Mel
From: Ryan
I got a phenomenally well-packed box from Ryan consisting of two types of cookies and a Christmas mix CD. The cookies were all painstakingly wrapped to arrive intact. I was singularly impressed, even though I’d have happily eaten crumbs.
To: Tam
From: Mr. Sombrero
My bloggy gift came from the wonderful Mr. Sombrero in “Jersey”. It was full of all kind of delightful things to eat from many different places. There was cherry jam from Croatia (which I ate on my bagel Christmas morning and it was delish), French cookies, British tea, chocolate from lots of place including some kind of potato chocolate thing from Idaho. 0_0 Chocolate poker chips and chocolate from Dylans, a gingerbread cookie that looks like a NYC cab, and a lolly with my initial on it. Now that I’ve taken the picture I’m looking forward to trying them all. Thanks so much for the fun foods, none of which I’ve tried before.
To: Kristen “The Kid”
From: Talita
So Talita was my secret Santa which was wonderful because everything she gave me was perfect! Included in my “care package” was two perfectly scented candles (cranberry pear Bellini and candied sugar plum), some nail polish, peppermint foot cream from Lush, spider man head phones (which I squealed over they were wonderful), some hot chocolate, tea, soap, some lip products and a cookie! It was wonderful, I love everything so much 
To: Jere
From: David P.
Here are photos of my gifts from David P. I would post pictures of myself enjoying the gifts like the booze and condoms (and I did enjoy them – I’ve been a naughty boy this holiday), but I’m afraid that you would use it as often as you use that picture of Polt’s ass. Sorry. The comic book magnet has a wonder woman costume malfunction joke that’s lost on me, but the chocolate covered stuff was yummy.
Note: the post-its in the photo are – alcohol: “because you like BOOZE”; chocolate: “because you like things covered in CHOCOLATE”; magnet – “because you are a comic book GEEK”; condoms – “because you have big FEET”
To: Michelle M.
From: Mikey
My gift came from Mikey. He sent two BIG bags of cookies, and a whole bunch of Hershey’s kisses. They were delicious and didn’t last long. And I should get major points for sharing with Harry. I also received these amazing Wonder Woman socks (complete with capes), perfect for fighting crime, reading in bed, attending a live action Wonder Woman movie, etc. I love(d) all my gifts – Thank you Mikey!!
To: John
From: Craig
I received my gifts from none other than Mr. Puntabulous himself: Craig! Here you can see the Christmas bunnies looking at the gifts Craig sent (and eyeing the Alfa-carrots). Craig sent me a card of bunnies avoiding the ark; which is part of a series on bunny deaths; it totally made me laugh! He sent me a cd of new Craig Christmas music. And piece de résistance: a dancing monkey t-shirt and pants.
I believe that this is Craig’s way of marking me as king of the dancing monkeys. Do not fear, I will be a benevolent ruler…All shall love me and DISPAIR!!!
Thanks Craig! I love my gifts! The carrots were tasty, the music fun and the pjs comfortable.
To: Ryan
From: Mush
I got this awesome package from Mush. It included two CDs (buddha-bar VIII by Sam Popat and Live in Las Vegas by Santa Fe and The Fat City Horns), Oryx and Crake by Margaret Atwood, and the Animatrix DVD. I haven’t had much of a chance to listen to the CDs because I’ve been inundated with new music and been busy with non-music listening activities, but what I’ve heard so far has me excited. It’s outside my usual genres, which is the hardest to find good new music. I’m also looking forward to reading the book. I really enjoyed Atwood’s The Handmaid’s Tale and was intending to explore her other work. I’m also looking forward to watching the collection of shorts exploring the time before the Matrix movies.
To: TwoPi
From: Jere
My Bloggy Gift giver was Jere. He gave me an Elvis beanie baby (from the Elvis Museum in Las Vegas!), and set me up with the ultimate in New Year’s Eve eye-wear for Times Square, or the local equivalent, a gathering of friends assessing Dick Clark’s ability to count backwards. Cajun chefs have their holy trinity of bell peppers, onions, and celery — for TwoPi, the holy trinity is Elvis, Vegas, and Purple — and no day can match their over-the-top glories better than New Year’s Eve! Fantastic!
To: Heather (Xi)
From: Justin
I got the most fabulous present from Justin: a replica of one of the original Education Monkey multiplication tools, invented in 1916 and named after Consul the performing monkey. You move the feet so that they point to two numbers at the bottom, and then the hands [yes, hands -- stop giggling] point to the product. I’ve never heard of this before, or seen anything like it, which makes it especially exciting. Thank you thank you thank you!
To: Chris D.
From: Michelle M.
Michelle M. gave me an amazing assortment of gifts! She gave me a candy cane, Charlie Brown Christmas CD, Peppermint Bark, a vintage Christmas postcard (from 1911, it is like a perfect little time capsule from a bygone era!), a Marcel the Shell with Shoes on book (I LOVE IT!), AND…… a Marcel the Shell with Shoes on figure!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This made me smile a whole lot! Michelle M. is an amazing gift giver! 
To: Nathan
From: Chris D.
For my present I received, not one, but two beginner Japanese books! This was an amazing present for me because I’m hoping to actually go to Japan next year. Thanks so much to Chris for my fantastic gift. He even made me a little homemade ornament for the Christmas tree at home! An excellent gift.
To: Mr. Sombrero
From: Kristen “The Kid”
My gift from Santa “The Kid” Kristen was amaaaahzing and layered to satisfy all the senses! Not only did it include the best thing the Western civilization came up with – a box of Holiday edition Smarties (the Canadian ones, not the US kind; think M&M’s in a harder shell) – but also, and this is the even more awesome, a donation of a mango tree for school kids in Rwanda. Now that’s a global gift that keeps on giving. And to signify the donation, my gift also included a box of dried mangoes, yummmmmm… So Kristen, all I gotta say is… Urakooooze (that’s thank you in Rwandan.
Tam and Kristen also included a tin of delicious homemade vegan gingerbread cookies for me to share with Adam! Here are a few of our favorites:
To: VUBOQ
From: Adam
Photo One. This is me enjoying one of my many gifts from Adam – a book! Hot Guys and Baby Animals. Hot! Cute! Fun!
Photo Two. This is me …um… enjoying another gift from Adam – vegan beef jerky (tequila lime flavor). Delicious! (OK. Not really delicious. In fact, it was kind of gross).
Unfortunately, I don’t have a photo of me getting the taste of tequila lime vegan beef jerky out of my mouth with some truly yummerz dark chocolate! MMmmmm. Chocolate. I also don’t have photos of me taking a fun Unicorn Lavender Lotus Bubble Bath. Nor gleefully stamping “Who Cares” on all the crap my co-workers produce at work. But, those were other gifts from Adam that I totes *heart*.
To: David P.
From: Miley Cyrus & Enrico
I was the lucky recipient of a package hand-delivered by the amazingly talented Miley Cyrus, although what she was doing in Crown Heights is anyone’s guess. Oddly enough, inside the package were an assortment of gifts by the equally, if not more, amazing and talented but non-poll-dancing Enrico! As you can see, I was provided with two boxes of high-end macaroni and cheese mixes that I will be getting fat from shortly. Also among the loot were three Pulitzer prize-winning books (I’ve read one of them, but giving me something I can re-gift is a gift in and of itself) and I will definitely enjoy reading the other two over the next few months. And lastly, the pièce de résistance is the pack of nude male playing cards that will add a certain something special to my future games of solitaire. If you zoom into the photo, you can also make out the clever notes that were included with each present. Thank you so much, Miley! Oh, and you too, Enrico!
To: Enrico
From: John
My secret Santa got me two amazing presents! Knowing I’m a huge Miyazaki lover, he got me this Totoro thingy that I’m hanging on my wall as soon as I get a hammer. I’ve been meaning to read John Updike’s Rabbit, Run for years now, and now I can, since he also got me the novel and its first sequel, Rabbit Redux. I LOVE BOOKS AND TOTORO. Thanks John! After Michelle, you’re the best!!
To: Talita
From: Mel
I received amazing blueberry Jam, that was so delicious. A soy pine candle that smelled so good, I love soy candles they burn longer then regular candles. This candle added just the right amount of holidays to my house without being over whelming. My gift came packaged in awesome Christmas Tin!! Thanks for the great gifts Mel!!
To: FDot
From: Heather
I arrived home from my trip to Colorado to find a whole package of goodies awaiting me from Heather. Herein pictured are the goodies. 1 Post Office Priority Mail Box, no doubt chosen to hold everything else. 1 piece of Milk Chocolate, already eaten. 1 book of “Where Are They Buried?”, already perused and used to capture pictures for the next round of ‘Guess that Grave!”. 1 Electronic Rubik’s Cube Puzzle, opened and attempted. 1 packet of Punch Balloons, of which one has been inflated and punched repeatedly to relieve frustration from failing at the Rubik’s Cube puzzle. An extremely successful box of Christmas gifts, covering all I hoped for and making me very happy, as evidenced by the large smile I have on my face.
To: Justin
From: M Nico
If I’m looking a bit pouty it’s because Bloggy Santa left me empty handed this year. Don’t worry unduly I’m in intensive therapy for the *sniff* trauma *sob* No really I’ll be *chokes up* fine 
To: M Nico
From:TwoPi
M Nico has refused all attempts at communication and presumably did not send a gift to Justin. Many thanks to TwoPi for generously sending a gift to M Nico!! M Nico, we hope that you’re okay!!!
Once again, thanks to everyone for your participation in the 2011 Bloggy Gift Exchange!
Can’t get enough of our gift exchanging? Jump over to Josh Is Trashy to see our exchanges from 2010 and 2009.
If only I had some bitch to wash my clothes for me!
In continuing with my theme of blog posts to gross out Michelle M. (please see this week’s offerings on nose picking and farting), today we will be talking about how often you wash your clothing. If you’re like me, laundry day is a real chore. I live in an apartment that offers no on-site laundry facilities. Luckily, my parents live pretty close by and are always willing to let me “borrow” their washer and dryer for a few hours. Hey I’m poor and I gotta save money where I can!
Laundry day is a huge process that usually requires me to roll out of bed at least 3 minutes earlier than normal. On days that I do laundry, I have to collect my dirty laundry from all over the house, stuff it into my laundry basket (which more often than not is still half-full of clean clothing from the previous wash), then load it all into the car, drive to one of my parent’s houses, lug it into their basement, steal laundry detergent & fabric softener sheets, press buttons, turn knobs, and then visit with them (a.k.a. play with my cell phone and ignore them) for a few hours. Ugh!
Clearly not my laundry. (Not enough plaid!)
My solution? Try to wash my clothing as infrequently as possible while continuing to be obsessively clean! Here are my rules:
Underpants must be washed daily (see yesterday’s post). I’m vegan, and my underpants can fill up with perfumy glitter pretty quickly — especially when Brussels sprouts are on sale at the grocery store. Same thing goes for socks … I never want to chance smelling like feet!
Pajamas are never worn. Why waste the space in the washer? And going commando at bedtime is just so freeing!
Sheets are washed once a week, especially during the summer. The idea of sleeping on dirty sheets grosses me out.
Towels are washed once every 3-4 days, and air-dried after each use in between. I do the same thing with kitchen towels (because they don’t take up much space in the washer and are better for the environment (and wallet) than paper towels).
Is this what I'm missing at the laundromat?
Shirts are washed on a sliding scale. I’m paranoid that someone at work will notice me wearing the same shirt as the day before — but (especially during the winter months) I’m always trying to come up with ways that I can stretch a shirt into 2 or 3 days of wear. Maybe a t-shirt from Sunday can double as an undershirt on Monday? Or one day’s t-shirt can be the next day’s gym shirt?
Sweatshirts, especially my favorite variety: the zipper hoodie are washed AS INFREQUENTLY AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE. I never wear just a sweatshirt, so when I wear a one, it’s basically a jacket. Plus when you wash them, they get all pilly and uncomfortable and start to shrink and UGH! I only wash them when I absolutely have to (when they start to STINK). Sometimes I’d rather just buy a new one.
Pants I’m blessed (thank you, FSM!) to have a job without a dress code, so I wear jeans every day of the week. Although you can actually go for over a year without washing jeans, I tend to wear mine for about 4 days between washes. My mother thinks this is gross and washes hers after a single day of wear.
Laundry, like cooking and cleaning, is best done by women.
Everything Else gets the sniff test. Gym clothes are washed pretty often (for obvious reasons). I never wash my jackets or shoes (out of fear that they’ll fall apart). I try to wash blankets whenever I can, but they only find their way into a washer every few months if they’re lucky.
So how often do you wash your clothes? Am I gross or overly clean? Next time that you see me in person, will you cross the street or give me a big hug? Lemme know in the comments!
By the way, if anyone would like to buy any of my dirty clothes (for sniffing, burning, voodoo dolls, bizzare sexual fetishes, or any other reasons), please email me.
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Have You Ever … Had Bad Business Etiquette?!
The rules are simple: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.
1. Have you ever farted loudly at work?
7. Have you ever hung up the telephone on a client/supplier/customer?
13. Have you ever left the copier jammed after you jammed it?
21. Have you ever been physically struck by a coworker
2. Have you ever burped loudly at work?
3. Have you ever pooped your pants at work?
4. Have you ever cursed at a coworker?
5. Have you ever been cursed at by a coworker?
6. Have you ever hung up the telephone on a coworker?
8. Have you ever stunk up the office with your nasty smelling food?
9. Have you ever eaten someone else’s food out of the office fridge?
10. Have you ever hogged the work microwave for 5 minutes warming up frozen food?
11. Have you ever borrowed office supplies off of a coworkers desk and not returned them?
12. Have you ever finished the office coffee and not made another pot?
14. Have you ever stolen office supplies from the office for home use?
15. Have you ever been reprimanded for not adhereing to the dress code at work?
16. Have you ever clogged the toilet at work and not tell anyone?
17. Have you ever snuck out of the office early and not tell anyone?
18. Have you ever used your lunch hour to interview for another job?
19. Have you ever complained about your job on facebook while at your job?
20. Have you ever physically struck a coworker?
22. Have you ever sexually harassed a coworker?
23. Have you ever been sexually harassed by a coworker?
24. Have you ever been sexually harassed by your boss?
25. Have you ever had sex with a coworker?
Tell us your total in the comments!
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