Welcome to the 8th week of Biggest C&R Loser 2013! This year we’ll be keeping all of the results and placings secret until the end of the contest. We’ll also be pooling our cash to award the 2013 winner the largest prize we’ve ever awarded … a whopping $40! This week’s theme is “TEMPTATION” – Everyone is tempted by something (food, laziness, sleep) when they should be eating healthy and exercising. What tempts the contestants? Let’s find out!
So this week, it’s Temptation. My biggest temptation is: Gay Porn. ‘Well DUH!’ I can hear you all saying now, but I mean as it relates to this contest. See, if I give in to the temptation of the uncounted amount of gay porn on the Internet, then I spend time watching that and NOT out walking. And after watching gay porn, I’m generally in need of replenishing my…energies. So I eat. And usually it’s snacky-stuff, that’s not healthy for me. So if I could resist the gay porn, I could be exercising more and eating better. …..but yeah, we ALL know that ain’t gonna happen.
My temptations are books, I’m either reading one (Don’t ya love my snazzy red e-reader?) or writing one and Chapman’s oatmeal cookies and chocolate ice-cream sandwiches. But they were on sale. How could I not buy them? I’m just a lazy ass all around. I should be up doing something useful and energetic, but I’d rather surf the net and do reading-type stuff. Which would explain why there is no way in hell I am winning the $40.
I’ve mostly been eating what I want. I’ve gotten over my cravings for sweets (fairly easy) and for salty snack foods (harder). But what I’m so so SO tempted by is caffeinated coffee. My physician took me off caffeine last summer, and I’ve been successful staying off. But man, when I get behind on grading papers, get up early to get work done before the kids wake up, and I’m sipping my third cup of decaf wondering why it isn’t doing it for me…dang. I’ve been jonesing for caffeine pretty badly lately.
Lately I’ve been tempted to actually lose weight. I’ve been considering a visit to the gym. I’ve even thought about counting calories. Maybe I’ll actually succumb to the temptation!!
What tempts me? My inner child. Grown up me knows she should eat right and exercise, but my inner child is quite the little temptress. What she says pretty much goes.
My number one temptation is take out. Living in NYC it is sooooo easy to order anything to your door, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you will eat well. At least once a week I am tired enough to think about ordering…but my brain denies it.
I get tempted so easily. Mostly by peanut butter and anything else that starts with the word, “Reese’s.” Late at night when I’m watching Chelsea Lately, I think that should be exercising. Instead, I just close my eyes and imagine that I am Mena Suvari in American Beauty, being showered with rose petals. Except that it’s me instead of Mena, and I’m being showered with jars of PB. And then I get hit in the head and wake up. Then it’s time for bed.
My biggest temptation is eating delicious quick unhealthy foods. I’m a sucker for pizza. Making healthy choices is more expensive and more work, and I’m just lazy I guess.
Breaking Bad! How did I not know how great this show is?? AMC was having a marathon of Breaking Bad beginning with the first episode, so Harry and I decided to watch and see if we liked it. And it’s awesome! It’s been all Breaking Bad all the time around here. I’m going to be sad when we catch up and we only get one a week. So, if you’re not watching, you should start, yo. -Michelle M.
A Conversation With My 12 Year Old Self: 20th Anniversary Edition. This is great. I love the condescension to himself. -Ryan
Frank Ocean‘s Bad Religion on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. I just discovered his music last week, and I’m excited to see him promote his new album with a performance of an unambiguously gay song. -Ryan
Unfortunately WordPress doesn’t allow embedded video from the Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, so please watch the video here: http://www.latenightwithjimmyfallon.com/video/frank-ocean-bad-religion/1408858
One of my favorite things this week was air conditioning! Especially in the bedroom where, coupled with a fan, I was pleasantly cool and comfortable during sleep while the world outside cooked in overnight temps in the high 80s! God bless the inventor of air conditioning! -Polt
The Rockie Mountains. They are as amazing in real life as in pictures. Granted, not as much wildlife as I’d hoped, but still an amazing sight everyone should see once in a lifetime. The 2000km round trip drive is worth it. -Tam
Earlier this week, I got something that brightened my entire week: A post card from Vancouver! I LOVE getting postcards from people when they’re on vacation and Tam is great at doing this. Just like this time. Although when she sent me one from San Francisco, it had a half-nekked guy on it. NOT that I’m complaining about this one being just a scenic landscape. nope, not at all. -Polt
And finally a video that has been making the rounds this week, it’s Paris-based electro new wave pop band The Aikiu, performing Pieces of Gold. I’ll let the (NSFW?) video speak for itself! -Adam
Craig’s Runners Up: Anticipation for the season premiere of Breaking Bad this Sunday, Tara’s sexy vamp outfit on True Blood, air conditioning, Lord of the Rings LEGOs, Amy Poehler, and Hardcore gay pornography.
What’s Your Friday Five?
In case you haven’t seen the news, Norovirus, a gastrointestinal illness commonly confused with the stomach flu or food poisoning has been making its way through many schools, workplaces, families, and public places over the last month or so. Norovirus spreads quickly and causes intense vomiting and diarrhea. Have you ever experienced the symptoms and uncomfortable situations that arise when you have a stomach bug? Let’s find out.
The rules are simple: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a 
single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.
1. Have you ever missed work because you were sick?
2. Have you ever lost your appetite?
3. Have you ever experienced nausea?
4. Have you ever vomited?
5. Have you ever had diarrhea?
6. Have you ever experienced abdominal cramps?
7. Have you ever had a headache?
8. Have you ever had a fever?
9. Have you ever been dehydrated?
10. Have you ever had chills?
11. Have you ever had muscle aches?
12. Have you ever shat in your pants?
13. Have you ever sent someone to the store for you to buy supplies? (food, beverages, medicine, tissues, etc.)
14. Have you ever ran to make it to the bathroom in time?
15. Have you ever vomited in public?
16. Have you ever shat yourself in public?
17. Have you ever vomited onto another person?
18. Have you ever slept on the bathroom floor so you would be closer to the 
toilet when you woke up?
19. Have you ever cleaned up someone else’s vomit?
20. Have you ever cleaned up someone else’s diarrhea?
21. Have you ever identified previously consumed food while you were vomiting it back up?
22. Have you ever vomited so much that you had nothing left to vomit?
23. Have you ever pooped so much that you had nothing left to poop?
24. Have you ever needed to vomit and diarrhea at the same time?
25. Have you every actually vomited and diarrheaed at the same time?
Did this blog post freak your freak and gross your gross? Don’t worry! Norovirus can be avoided by frequently washing your hands and staying away from infected people. If you’re sick, please stay hydrated and stay home. If necessary, seek medical attention. You’ll probably feel better in a few days.
Tell us your total in the comments!
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1. Clip your toenails.
2. Organize your grocery store coupons.
3. Admire Polt’s ass.
4. Twiddle your thumbs.
5. Stare at the wall.
6. Watch the Puppy Bowl on Animal Planet.
7. Read a book.
8. Watch The Notebook to balance out the world.
9. Organize a box of Fruit Loops by color.
10. Call all your butch friends who are watching the Super Bowl, just to chat.
11. Roll pennies.
12. Watch paint dry.
13. Clean out your closet.
14. Stuff everything that you took out of your closet into another closet.
15. Alphabetize your DVDs.
16. Comb your back hair.
17. Go shopping.
18. Clean out your refrigerator.
19. Replace the batteries in your smoke detectors.
20. Clean the dead bugs out of your ceiling lamps.
21. Make sure that everything hanging in your home is perfectly level.
22. Tweeze your eyebrows.
23. Catch up on Glee.
24. Look up naked women on the Internet and ponder why vaginas are just so damn disgusting.
25. Actually read one of those m/m short stories that Tam is always reviewing.
26. Masturbate.
27. Watch grass grow.
28. Play solitaire.
29. Add hundreds of pointless life events to your Facebook timeline.
30. Organize your porn.
31. Prune your pubes.
32. Microwave random things until they explode.
33. Perfect a foreign accent.
34. Plot world domination.
35. Perform an interpretive dance of LMFAO‘s I’m Sexy and I Know It.
36. Bake and decorate a cake.
37. Plan your future wedding.
38. Go grocery shopping (the store will be EMPTY).
39. Re-read every C&R post and comment on all of them.
40. Actually visit Our T.V. Night (because no one ever does).
41. Build a sex machine.
42. Nap.
43. Compose a C&R guest post and email it to Adam.
44. Learn the beautiful art of flower arraigning.
45. Drink alcohol until you pass out.
46. Lick the black mold that’s growing on your bathroom wall.
47. Clean your house.
48. Exercise.
49. Go see a movie.
50. Dream up 50 more things that you could do instead of watching the Super Bowl.
Special thanks to Mikey and Craig for their assistance with this post.
Let’s face it. YOU LOVED MY POST ABOUT PEEING! Everyone did. It’s the talk of the town. Two people even gave it 5 stars. That’s the most starts that anyone can give a post! Yay! (Both people were me.) And let it never be said that I don’t give the people what they want. You love pee? I WILL GIVE YOU PEE! Just sit back and enjoy the pee. I’ll give you so much pee… SO MUCH! I will pee all over you!
The rules are simple: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. 
When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.
1. Have you ever missed the toilet while peeing?
2. Have you ever remained standing while peeing?
3. Have you ever read a book or magazine while peeing?
4. Have you ever answered a phone call while peeing?
5. Have you ever read a text message while peeing?
6. Have you ever sent a text message while peeing?
7. Have you ever splashed urine or toilet water onto yourself while peeing?
8. Have you ever showered while peeing?
9. Have you ever slept while peeing? (Oh no! You wet the bed! Mom and Dad will be so angry even though you’re just developing slowly and it’s not 
your fault!!!!)
10. Have you ever trimmed your pubes while peeing?
11. Have you ever cried while peeing?
12. Have you ever pooped while peeing?
13. Have you ever consumed food or beverage while peeing?
14. Have you ever vomited while peeing?
15. Have you ever crossed your stream with someone else’s while peeing?
16. Have you ever had a conversation with someone while peeing?
17. Have you ever peeked at someone else’s private parts while peeing?
18. Have you ever experienced pain or discomfort while peeing?
19. Have you ever contemplated murder while peeing?
20. Have you ever been inside a moving vehicle while peeing?
21. Have you ever let your pants fall to the ground while standing in front of a urinal in a public restroom while peeing? (Yes this seems to happen quite often for some reason.)
22. Have you ever contemplated your political party affiliation while 
peeing?
23. Have you ever proposed marriage (or a civil union) while peeing?
24. Have you ever admired Polt’s ass while peeing?
25. Have you ever thought about Justin and his honey Allen while peeing?
Go take a piss, shake it off or wipe (whichever applies), zip up, wash your hands, come back to the computer, and then tell us your total in the comments!
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Have You Ever … Gone Camping?!
The rules are simple: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.
1. Have you ever gone camping?
7. Have you ever started a campfire?
15. Have you ever had to run away from wild animals while camping?
22. Have you ever smoked pot while camping?
2. Have you ever gone camping at a campground?
3. Have you ever gone camping in a backyard?
4. Have you ever gone camping in the wilderness?
5. Have you ever slept in a tent inside your home?
6. Have you ever slept outside under the stars?
8. Have you ever told scary stories around a campfire?
9. Have you ever sung camp songs around a campfire?
10. Have you ever cooked food over a campfire?
11. Have you ever made s’mores around a campfire?
12. Have you ever eaten beans right out of the can while camping?
13. Have you ever eaten fish you caught while camping?
14. Have you ever been awoken by wild animals outside your tent while camping?
16. Have you ever pooped outside?
17. Have you ever had to use something other than toilet paper after pooping outside?
18. Have you ever camped outside during a thunderstorm?
19. Have you ever ended a camping trip early because you couldn’t handle it?
20. Have you ever been bitten by a snake while camping?
21. Have you ever drank alcohol while underage, while camping?
23. Have you ever secretly masturbated while others were sleeping in your tent?
24. Have you ever participated in a circle jerk while camping?
25. Have you ever had sex in a tent?
Tell us your total in the comments!
Thanks to Craig for his help with this post!
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