Once again I tossed C&R’s Friday Five out to the C&Rmy, and here’s what threw back.
It’s your Friday Five!
Booze Cruise! The fourth annual family booze cruise is tonight! And since my family actually gets along really well it’s always a lot of fun! It combines all of lifes greatest pleasures. Food! Booze! Old people dancing to Lady Gaga! Here’s a picture from last year. It was raining and we were all soaked by the end of the night, but we still had a great time! -Craig
What made my week? Being mentioned TWICE in one C&R post: My name was uttered by a cute twinkie and my ass had a $100 bill sticking out of it. What could make ANY week better than that? -Polt
Scary Smash: The first episode of Written by a Kid. A kid’s monster story is brought to life by some people you might recognize. -Ryan
Watering my lawn. We came home from vacation and our front lawn is absolutely dead. We are in a drought situation here and the lawns are brown, brown, brown. Weirdly my fanatical neighbour (we share a tiny front lawn) has not been watering it. We have no water shortage so the city has actually started asking people to water their lawns so if there is fire there is less dry grass to go up. So last night I bought a new hose and today my landlord replaced my spigot in the garage and I watered my grass so if I keep it up every day I’ll have new green grass soon. I hope.
Honest to god, it looks like the grass on the left but with a smattering of green weeds. -Tam
Now that I’m all caught up with Breaking Bad (sadness), I need something new to fill the empty hours of my existence. Harry and I just started watching Dexter. We’re almost done with Season 1. So far it’s been entertaining. Here’s a quiz to find out which Dexter character you are. My results were Vince (which I don’t agree with – but, whatever). -Michelle
On July 4th, my mother took my grandparents (her parents) to a breakfast buffet. It wasn’t very crowded — there were probably 40 empty tables in the restaurant. The three of them were enjoying their meal until my mother’s attention was drawn to a woman at a neighboring table. She was noticeably agitated while her husband and young son were shoveling their faces full of food.
“Excuse me! Excuse me! EXCUSE ME!!” yelled the woman.
“Yes…?” questioned my mother.
“I’m trying to eat over here and he’s disgusting! He’s blowing his nose! IT’S DISGUSTING!” the woman said.
“What??” My mother was appalled.
“I’m trying to eat and he’s blowing his nose! DISGUSTING!!” She covered her mouth as if she was seconds from vomiting.
My mother responded with something completely inadequate along the lines of “Don’t worry about it, we’re leaving soon.” What makes the whole situation even more upsetting to me is that my grandparents are both hard-of-hearing (they’re in their late 80s/early 90s) and they didn’t even hear the woman.
“What did she say?” my grandmother asked. My mom repeated it to them.
“Oh…” said my grandfather, feeling embarrassed and a bit defeated. Picture a nice old man sitting at a table, quietly blowing his nose into a handkerchief. Is that scene really so horribly offensive?
When my mom told me the story, I was enraged. How dare that woman cross my grandfather? My mother should have cursed her out and then dumped the woman’s plate into her lap. If I were there, my response would have included at least three choice expletives. Then perhaps I would have spit into her face. People just don’t spit on each other enough these days.
Is public (and covered) nose blowing a disgusting offense? Or was that bitch just a bully? Tell me how you’d react!
Welcome to Cocky & Rude Fight Club! The rules to the game are simple. Each week we’ll introduce our fighters. We’ll do the leg work and help you analyze their strengths and weaknesses. Then we’ll put the results to vote. You’ll pick which combatant will decimate their opponent in the knock-down, drag-out brawl of Cocky & Rude Fight Club! Let’s meet this week’s fighters…
REBECCA BLACK
Date of Birth: June 21, 1997 Place of Birth: Anaheim Hills, CA Residence: With her parents, John Jeffery Black and Georgina Marquez Kelly Relationship Status: Presumably single, possibly dating one of the boys in the video Regional Accent: Californian Auto-Tune Occupation: Singer(?) Favorite Rapper: Patrice Wilson What time do you wake up in the morning: 7AM (gotta be fresh, gotta go downstairs) Favorite Breakfast food: cereal Favorite underage driving destination: slow highways with cities in the background, parking lots, parties near trees with rainbow lighting Favorite day of the week to git down on: FRIDAY Do you look forward to the weekend?: we so excited! Which seat can you take? (Front seat or back seat): undecided (“which seat can I taaaaaakeee?”) Favorite curse word: none
Viral (pop?) star, Rebecca Black burst onto the Internet scene in March of 2011 after recording her hit song, Friday. Reportedly costing her mother a whopping $4000, the “vanity release” has since spawned countless spoofs and covers by the cast of Glee, Stephen Colbert, Jimmy Fallon, The Roots and Taylor Hick, Nick Jonas, Katy Perry, Conan O’Brien and Andy Richter, and Justin Bieber. The video features an excessive use of Auto-Tune, underage driving, a whole lot of “fun, fun fun, fun, partying, partying, yeah!”, a rap interlude by co-producer Patrice Wilson, bad haircuts, a disregard for car safety, and a brace-face named Benni Cinkle. Rebecca’s weapons are numerous and include a convertible driven by minors, rainbow colored party lights, Benni Crinkle bites, and ear shattering Auto-Tuning. It should also be noted that Rebecca may or may not be able to shoot lasers from her sizable mole. Beware!
KRISTEN, “THE KID”
Also known as: Dieter Vonsnizenhauzerkrank (i can’t believe I’m admitting this) Alias: ‘Lil Meezy Date of Birth: May 28 Place of Birth: Ottawa, Canada Residence: With my mom Relationship Status: Mentally dating various celebrities Regional Accent: Canadian, eh? Occupation: Forever Unemployed Height & Weight: Not tall enough & a little too much Favorite Rapper: S-L-I-M S-H-A-D-Y What time do you wake up in the morning: Too early for any human being Favorite Breakfast food: bagels, bagels and more bagels. Favorite underage driving destination: The Bagel Shoppe Favorite day of the week to git down on: THURSDAY!!!!!!!!!!! Do you look forward to the weekend?: Only if there’s PARTYING involved Favorite place to party: The Slytherin Common Room Which seat can you take? (Front seat or back seat): Front seat. I demand riding shotgun Favorite curse word: BULLOCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!
Daughter of Tam (last week’s C&R Fight Clubwinner), Kristen (more commonly referred to as “The Kid”), hails from Ottawa, Canada. Like your average teen girl, “The Kid” attends school, enjoys riding a pony named Sprinkles, dreams of one day becoming a ballet dancer, and loves watching Jersey Shore(she’s seen every episode!), and The Food Network. Kristen’s favorite movies include Hitchcock’s Rope, Vertigo, Rear Window, and Psycho — so she’s clearly no stranger to murder and intrigue. It may seem like “The Kid” fights in the shadow of her mother’s battle, but don’t be fooled … she shines bright! Her secret weapons include Sprinkles the Pony (who may or may not be rabid), an endless supply of bagels (don’t let the holes fool you, they hurt when they hit you!), The Situation’s abs of steel, Snooki (who may or may not be rabid), and her favorite hockey team: the Pittsburgh Penguins. Don’t mess with Dieter Vonsnizenhauzerkrank!!!
Who will win in the battle of Friday vs. Thursday? Will Rebecca Black ignore her 2,710,134+ YouTube dislikes and Auto-Tune herself all the way to victory? Or will “The Kid” trample her opponent to death with Sprinkles the Pony? We’re putting this no-holds-barred fight to a vote. The poll will be open for approximately 24 hours, and you may vote as many times as you want. That’s right — we’re not blocking repeat votes, so vote now and vote often for your favorite Cocky & Rude Fight Club opponent.
Check back on Sunday at noon for the results!
Thanks to Kristen & Michelle M. for your assistance with this post!
On July 4th, my mother took my grandparents (her parents) to a breakfast buffet. It wasn’t very crowded — there were probably 40 empty tables in the restaurant. The three of them were enjoying their meal until my mother’s attention was drawn to a woman at a neighboring table. She was noticeably agitated while her husband and young son were shoveling their faces full of food.
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