This is it! The final week is complete! Today we reveal the winner of Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3, the cockiest and rudest weight loss competition evahhhh! But before we make it official and name Ryan as the winner, let’s check in with our contestants one final time and find out how they’re doing. How do they feel about the contest? Are they proud or disappointed? Would they do it again? Here’s what they had to say, in order of Rudest Loser to Biggest Cock:
MR. SOMBRERO: 8th Place, RUDEST LOSER!
It’s been quite a ride. I’m nowhere near the goal I set for myself but I did manage to lose few tiny pounds of blubber. I think I would be better at it if I didn’t have to write all these weekly updates 8-/ (was that the right emoticon for rolling eyes? Anywho, I will continue ‘participating’ even after this contest is done so maybe by the next round I’ll be more disciplined. And now, if you’ll excuse me, imma go celebrate with señor Cuervo.
POLT: 7th Place!
So this is then, the Final Week. Comparing this with my first photo, you can see I lost the weight, but kept all the skin. *SIGH* What did I think of the contest? Same as the others, although it was fun to check each week and see how everybody else was doing. Would I do it again? Sure why not? I’ve been in all three of them so far, right? Why not a fourth, if there is one? And how did I do? Well, I didn’t lose as much weight as I wanted, but then again, weight loss has always been a secondary goal. I’m on the diet to get my blood sugar under control, per the doctor. And I won’t know how successful I was at that until the middle of June when I get my blood work results. But at any rate, it was fun, congrats to everyone who did better than me (which I presume is everyone else), and I’ll see ya all again in the fourth contest (if there IS one).
ADAM: 6th Place!
I managed to lose of bit of weight during the course of BC&RL3, but overall I’m fairly disappointed with myself. I had hoped to jump start a significant weight loss and that didn’t happen … yet. Losing weight is a constant battle and I really just need to get my head in the game. Am I proud of myself? Yes! Somebody’s gotta be proud of me! ((self hug)) Would I do it again? OF COURSE! (It’s my website, I don’t have a choice!) Love to you all and congrats to Ryan!!
TWOPI: 5th Place!
I’m submitting the same photo that I started this competition with, as I feel like I’m just getting started on my diet, WWO-style. I’m pleased that I managed some modest weight loss in BC&RL3, but I need more dramatic changes to get to where I want to be.
TAM: 4th Place!
Well, overall I’m disappointed in my result. I know it’s mostly because I didn’t exercise but it did make me more conscious of what’s going into my mouth, not a bad thing and it’s nice to know I’m not the only slack ass out there who can’t stick to a diet. Yay for the lazy dieters club. I intend on keeping up the efforts and keep trying. Maybe I’ll even put more effort in. Or not. I’m not sure but I’m going to not be so oblivious as I go forward, so thanks for that C&R, it’s been fun, sort of.
MICHELLE M.: 3rd Place!
I’m sad the contest is over. Because I’m only about halfway to my goal weight – I went from being a hippo to a pig. But I’m proud of myself because I lost 7 pounds. It’s hard for me to lose weight now that I’m older, so I’ll take what I can get. Too bad I didn’t work out… But I’m going to keep on keepin’ on until I lose the rest of the weight. I don’t want to have to participate in BC&RL 4 next year!
MIKEY: 2nd Place!
Am I proud of myself? YES! I lost more weight in this round of BC&RL than I did in the previous rounds. Also, I’m eating healthier and going to continue to lose weight even now that this stupid thing is over. I will celebrate by commencing operation starvation. Will I do the contest again? YES. Especially if I can end up winning like he was formerly in cupcake form.
RYAN: 1st Place, BIGGEST COCK!!!
I am happy to have lost some more weight, but I’m a little disappointed that I wasn’t as disciplined as last time. At least I’m no longer embarrassed to take off my shirt.
And now the results:
Our eighth week is complete! Today our contestants celebrate eight weeks into the cockiest and rudest weight loss competition evahhhh! It’s Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3!
People say that you should never sweat the small stuff. But sometimes it’s the little things that drive us crazy. This week we asked each of our contestants what one (or more) ‘little things’ are that bother them. Maybe it’s their blobby fat that hangs over their waist band, or the way that diet food always seems to taste awful. Here’s what they said:
Tam
When you say little things, I’ll take it literally. Why are little things so fattening? It’s only a few peanuts. They’re miniature M&Ms. It’s just dried cranberries. All of them JAMMED with calories (in addition to good things). All small food should have small calories. If you eat a huge burger, big calories. Tiny cookies, tiny calories. Why are these things not logical?
Mr. Sombrero
There are few things that bother Mr Sombrero. Number one is the scale. It hasn’t moved in weeks. What the frak scale?! I thought we were in this together?! Did Adam put you up to this? [no response] Whatever. Another thing that bothers Mr Sombrero is his full length mirror. I don’t like what I’m seeing. Yes I’m talking to you mirror. Don’t give me that fat look. You know what else bothers Mr S? That kid that lost his cupcakes. Yeah that Ryan kid. Showoff. I think I’ve seen some of his cupcakes hanging around my scale. And another thing, what is up with veggie farts. I mean seriously, enough is enough. And do they have to smell like hipster’s wool hat on a hot and humid urban August afternoon? Yeah these are some of my (least) favorite things…
Ryan
I’m getting tired of tracking everything. It’s the key to my success so far, but it gets really frustrating whenever I eat something outside of my normal routine. The uncertainty of how much food something contains can make planning the rest of the day pointless. This leads me to rely mostly on whether I feel hungry, but this leads to the temptation to let myself have what I want to eat even if I shouldn’t.
Michelle M.
One of the little things I hate is being a girl and trying to lose weight. It’s hard to stay on track when you automatically put on up to 5 pounds of water weight each month. You think you’re being good and the WHAM the numbers on the scale jump up. It’s so discouraging. And craving sugar and salty snacks doesn’t help. Stupid hormones.
TwoPi
What irritates me the most is having to pay attention to the bathroom scale once a week. Bad enough having to stand on the darned thing, which naturally gives out a little creaking noise, as in “Oh my GOHD how many of you ARE there?” Then there’s a number, which is never the number I remember from when I was in high school (roughly the last time in my life I stood on a bathroom scale on a regular basis). And finally, there’s the blasted comparison of this week’s number with last week’s number. Ugh. I feel like a schoolboy who just got called in front of the class and didn’t do his homework. Bleh.
Mikey
The little things I hate are the way my shirts fit and the way that my pants fit. I feel like ALL of my shirts are too small and I float around like the pink iceberg named Fat Betty. My pants however are loose enough that I need a belt, but my belt doesn’t have a hole at the right spot….so they are constantly sagging and showing my ample rear.
Adam
A little thing that I hate? Clothes that don’t fit. I’ve gained some weight in the last year — and now the shirts I wore last year aren’t fitting. Why can’t someone design clothing that grows with you? Or maybe I should just buy every available size of shirts that I like. That way one of ‘em will always fit! Think of all the plaid!!!
Polt
So this week we’re talking about the little things we hate. Writing these blurbs each week can be a pain, but I’ll not mention that. And I thought I’d actually have to force myself to be taking walks, but I find I enjoy them, and frankly, feel a bit guilty when I don’t take one at least every other day. No, I think what irritates me the most about this diet thing, is the lack of variety in the food I’m eating. I’m eating all the meat and veggies I want (not that I want, or even eat all that many), but after awhile, I’ve just gotten sick of steak. I’d really like to have a sub and some chips, or a big plate of steaming hot pasta and meatballs, or a huge greasy slice of pizza…but I cant. Steak and salad for me…thank you very much. Ah well, in the end it’ll be worth it, right?
And now the week’s results:
Stay tuned each Thursday for the stunning weight-loss success stories of our eight contestants. Who will win this year’s competition? Find out on May 31st … just in time for bikini season!
If only I had some bitch to wash my clothes for me!
In continuing with my theme of blog posts to gross out Michelle M. (please see this week’s offerings on nose picking and farting), today we will be talking about how often you wash your clothing. If you’re like me, laundry day is a real chore. I live in an apartment that offers no on-site laundry facilities. Luckily, my parents live pretty close by and are always willing to let me “borrow” their washer and dryer for a few hours. Hey I’m poor and I gotta save money where I can!
Laundry day is a huge process that usually requires me to roll out of bed at least 3 minutes earlier than normal. On days that I do laundry, I have to collect my dirty laundry from all over the house, stuff it into my laundry basket (which more often than not is still half-full of clean clothing from the previous wash), then load it all into the car, drive to one of my parent’s houses, lug it into their basement, steal laundry detergent & fabric softener sheets, press buttons, turn knobs, and then visit with them (a.k.a. play with my cell phone and ignore them) for a few hours. Ugh!
Clearly not my laundry. (Not enough plaid!)
My solution? Try to wash my clothing as infrequently as possible while continuing to be obsessively clean! Here are my rules:
Underpants must be washed daily (see yesterday’s post). I’m vegan, and my underpants can fill up with perfumy glitter pretty quickly — especially when Brussels sprouts are on sale at the grocery store. Same thing goes for socks … I never want to chance smelling like feet!
Pajamas are never worn. Why waste the space in the washer? And going commando at bedtime is just so freeing!
Sheets are washed once a week, especially during the summer. The idea of sleeping on dirty sheets grosses me out.
Towels are washed once every 3-4 days, and air-dried after each use in between. I do the same thing with kitchen towels (because they don’t take up much space in the washer and are better for the environment (and wallet) than paper towels).
Is this what I'm missing at the laundromat?
Shirts are washed on a sliding scale. I’m paranoid that someone at work will notice me wearing the same shirt as the day before — but (especially during the winter months) I’m always trying to come up with ways that I can stretch a shirt into 2 or 3 days of wear. Maybe a t-shirt from Sunday can double as an undershirt on Monday? Or one day’s t-shirt can be the next day’s gym shirt?
Sweatshirts, especially my favorite variety: the zipper hoodie are washed AS INFREQUENTLY AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE. I never wear just a sweatshirt, so when I wear a one, it’s basically a jacket. Plus when you wash them, they get all pilly and uncomfortable and start to shrink and UGH! I only wash them when I absolutely have to (when they start to STINK). Sometimes I’d rather just buy a new one.
Pants I’m blessed (thank you, FSM!) to have a job without a dress code, so I wear jeans every day of the week. Although you can actually go for over a year without washing jeans, I tend to wear mine for about 4 days between washes. My mother thinks this is gross and washes hers after a single day of wear.
Laundry, like cooking and cleaning, is best done by women.
Everything Else gets the sniff test. Gym clothes are washed pretty often (for obvious reasons). I never wash my jackets or shoes (out of fear that they’ll fall apart). I try to wash blankets whenever I can, but they only find their way into a washer every few months if they’re lucky.
So how often do you wash your clothes? Am I gross or overly clean? Next time that you see me in person, will you cross the street or give me a big hug? Lemme know in the comments!
By the way, if anyone would like to buy any of my dirty clothes (for sniffing, burning, voodoo dolls, bizzare sexual fetishes, or any other reasons), please email me.
Tuesday night I met up with Ryan for the third annual West Coast Puntabulous Get Together! We met in La Jolla (where the rich people and Ryan live) at Five Guys. Enrico suggested I try Five Guys french fries once upon a comment (more on that in an upcoming post), so I was excited to see what they had to offer.
They had these fancy soda dispensers. I felt like I was in Japan.
*I chose grape Fanta
Here is my healthy, nutritious dinner.
I had the Adam special – lots of pickles. Yum!
Man, they don’t skimp on fries.
Ryan did not order fries, which is why he looks like this. Hubba Hubba! Because he is a
gentleman and did not want me to feel like the pig I am, he ate a couple of my fries.
* right after I took this photo Ryan ripped off his shirt and did 50 pull-ups.
The world’s population hit 7 billion. Most of that is comprised of Ryan’s family.
Did you know he has 70 cousins?
We talked until the wee hours of the morning, then Ryan put his shirt back on
and we said our goodbyes. The end.
While some of you were digging out your umbrellas, battening down the hatches, and stocking up on bottled water, candles and Cheetos, Harry and I were on our way to see Kathy Griffin in concert!
I made a shirt for the occasion. This is my first foray into bedazzling. Yes, I know the “I” is crooked.
On our way to Costa Mesa.
It’s so great to be back in California! Colorado sucked.
We got into a little traffic on our way.
Yay! “Pop Music” by M.
Shout out to the Oldz (you know who you are).
I got hungry and needed a snack.
We had dinner at Gordon Biersch. Beer for Harry and a caramel martini for me. Yum!
I had the chicken curry lettuce cups (ok, but not very spicy – and the dish needed some lime).
Harry had a sausage party.
We had to pay for parking!! Don’t they know who we are?!! Sheesh.
On the way in we saw Team Griffin – or as Kathy calls them, “her gays”. It was cool to see them in person after seeing them with her on the My Life on the D-List, Same Name, and other shows.
We were second row, it was too awesome.
Kathy had tweeted that this was what she was going to wear, but really she wore black pants, a black shirt with a belt and flats. She is super tiny and has a Scarlett O’ Hara waist.
We went to the first show that night. They were taping both shows for a Bravo special to air in the middle of September. Kathy’s mom Maggie came out (with a glass of wine) to say a few words and introduce Kathy. She got a standing ovation and was adorable. Kathy was hilarious, of course. Some of her bits included the Kardashians, Cher, Anderson Cooper, The Real Housewives of New Jersey, Marcus Bachman and Casey Anthony.
Harry (best husband ever) won a contest on Kathy’s blog to meet her between shows! So we hustled around to the back of the theater and then waited in a room backstage with 16 other people for a meet and greet. She only had a few minutes, so she wasn’t signing autographs. She was there just long enough to give hugs and take pictures. She was warm, engaging and super sweet to everyone.
I told her my cheeks still hurt from smiling and she said, “Thanks, that means I’m doing my job.”
She liked my shirt. As you can see we are totally bff!
She had done a bit about how she walks down the street and eyef*cks all the guys, so I asked her to eyef*ck Harry – and she did! I also asked her if she watched Dance Moms, and she said, “Of course.” I should have said something better, but I was an excited mess. Then she was ushered back out the door. It was all a blur and over way too soon. Kathy’s one of those people I would love to sit down and have a long chat with. I LOVE her.
Before the long drive home, Harry and I stopped at The Yardhouse and shared a brownie with ice cream (Diet? What diet?).
Other than briefly shaking James Taylor’s hand before one of his concerts, this was my first celebrity encounter. I couldn’t have asked for a better one!
So – did I not have the best night ever? What would you have said to Kathy? What celebrity would you love to meet? Let me know in the comments!
 | The Incredibly Shrin… on BC&RL 2013: Part 2 |
 | Tam on BC&RL 2013: Part 2 |
 | Tasha on 10 Reasons Why Vaginas Are… |
 | Alexus on 10 Reasons Why Vaginas Are… |
| Alexus on 10 Reasons Why Vaginas Are… |
| Vagina. on 10 Reasons Why Vaginas Are… |
 | goblinbox on Biggest C&R Loser 201… |
 | Order Now! Fool Me T… on Commenter Cocktails! |
10 Reasons Why I Might Dislike You On Facebook
You can’t stop posting photos of your children
You constantly post photos of sick/sad/dying animals
You do nothing but talk about sports 24/7
Your politics are stupid
You complain constantly
You post a photo of every meal that you eat
You are constantly fishing for pity
You are constantly fishing for compliments
You are wayyyy too attractive
You are way happier than me
So what bugs you on Facebook? (And don’t forget to follow Cocky&Rude!)
Rate this:
Share this:
Like this: