Cocky&Rude

Since I’ve been moving so frequently in the last few years, I’m constantly trying to downsize my stuff.  I’m often recycling, selling and giving away things … just because I’m sick of carrying them up and down flights of stairs.  But even as I purge my belongings and get ready for my next move (which will probably be at the end of next month), there are a few silly things that I’ve collected over the years that I’ll never ever give up.

Sea Captains
My grandparents always had a wooden sea captain keeping guard over a display cabinet in their house (it’s the one on the left).  He’s old, bearded, pot bellied, and he has a little wooden stump hanging out of his mouth were a pipe used to be.  For whatever reason, I’ve always loved that silly little knickknack.  And a couple years ago, knowing my fondness for him, my grandmother gave him to me.  Thus began my wooden sea captain collection.  The tall one to his right I picked up at a HomeGoods store, to his right is a flat wooden guy that I picked up on a trip to Plymouth, Massachusetts.  On the right in the back is the base of an old ugly captain lamp, and up front is a little ceramic guy whose legs hang over a shelf. It’s not a large collection … but there’s just something silly and appealing about those jacketed fellows.

Plastic Bread Clips
I can’t really explain why I save these things, but I have every one since I moved out of my mom’s basement about six years ago.  I keep a jar on the ledge above my stove, and each time I finish stuffing my face with bread, rolls, pitas, or whatever else is clipped, I toss the clip into that jar.  The fact that I have so many (there’s got to be over a hundred)  is indisputable evidence that I consume way too many carbohydrates, and probably the sole reason for my massive belly girth.

Garden Gnomes
Like my sea captains, I have a strange fascination with garden gnomes.  I’m not sure what it is … but they just make me laugh.  A few months ago I realized that my collection was getting a bit out of control, so I’ve actually been finding a few of them new homes lately.  I don’t wanna be the 29 year old guy with 100 garden gnomes in his apartment.  (What would people think?!) Five or six is plenty.  (The photo to the right was taken when my old coworkers surprised me with a “gnomed” desk as a going away prank.)

So now that I’ve opened up my odd world of sea captains, plastic bread clips and garden gnomes to you, what silly and secret collections do you have?  Can your weirdness even begin to compete with mine?