Welcome to the 9th week of Biggest C&R Loser 2013! This year we’ll be keeping all of the results and placings secret until the end of the contest. We’ll also be pooling our cash to award the 2013 winner the largest prize we’ve ever awarded … a whopping $40! This week’s theme is “THE LITTLE THINGS YOU HATE” – Everyone is annoyed by something. What’s one of the ‘little things’ that bother our contestants? Maybe it’s the blobby fat hanging over their waist bands or the way that diet food always tastes awful. Let’s find out what bothers them!
The little things. Little tiny portions. Seriously, look on the package of some of your fave snack foods. 120 calories… for 8 chips. WTF? No one in their right mind eats 8 chips or 1 cookie. Get a grip manufacturers.
Annoyances? I’m annoyed that my weight seems stuck, just fluctuating between two numbers for week after week. And I’m annoyed that I keep forgetting that there’s a blurb due on Wednesdays, so I’m always dealing with these at the 11th hour.
Ya know what bugs me? The fact that junk food is delicious and yet it makes me feel bad about myself! I need liposuction and/or Lap-Band surgery. Too bad I spent my last $5 on this stupid contest.
I hate that I have to wear jeans and long sleeved shirts when it’s 90 degrees because I can’t fit into my shorts and tshirts. So maybe I better get going on this weight loss thing. Summer is just around the corner (especially in San Diego).
Little things that drive me crazy??? Numbers! All I do now for my diet is think about numbers: calories, grams, and amount of time moving. The only numbers that are not small that are driving me crazy are my weight and my pant size. THE HUNGER IS TO BIG TO BE A LITTLE ANNOYING THING.
I hate my job! Was that the question? I’m sick of people and I don’t even have time to diet these days. Somebody pay me to nap and be happy!!
The little thing I hate the most is my own laziness! There is so much that I could accomplish if I were less lazy (the least of which is getting more done for this competition).
This week it’s the little things we hate about the contest. Hmm, I don’t think any of them are little. I HATE being fat in the first place. I hate having to diet. I hate having to exercise when I feel like blobbing on the couch. I hate that the food I’m suppose to eat, I don’t like, and the food I LOVE is bad for me. I hate not looking like a male fashion model. I hate Congressional Republicans and their policies. Wait….I digress….
What I hate most, I think, is the guilt. When I go to bed at night and I realize I haven’t walked, even though I had the time. Or when I order a regular Pepsi at a restaurant instead of just water. Or when I eat a whole freaking (small-sized) pizza instead of a salad. I hate the guilt the comes with it. But I’m used to guilt…I kill it by eating a Cadbury caramel egg!
1. Pizza Port – Monterey pizza is really good and the Swami’s IPA is excellent. Best place to go with a lot of people. The one in Solana Beach is my favorite but the new one in Ocean Beach is usually less crowded.
2. Canned beer/Avery IPA – I’m a recycling nut and all those bottles take up so much space. People say it doesn’t taste as good, but they’re wrong. Other favs are Caldera IPA, Oskar Blues Old Chub and Gubna. California brewers are finally doing this with Sierra Nevada putting Torpedo in a 16 oz can. Also goes great with…
3. Thai Curry – Red, green, yellow, chicken, tofu, shrimp, so yummy I could eat it twice a day.
4. Mission Proto VSI skates – Since I play inline hockey 2-3 times a week, I need a skate that fits well and is light. I have two pairs, plus an older, beat-up pair of Proto VS skates for going around the lake/bay with Michelle.
5. CCM Thornton Blades – The inline hockey surface is a slightly rough concrete and it acts like sandpaper to my stick blades. It’s much cheaper to replace the blade than buy a $100 stick every two months. I hope they keep making them when he retires.
6. Sansa Clip+ – Best. MP3 player. Ever. Clips to my t-shirt collar for a run around the lake plus it’s expandable with microSDHC cards. Also works great for taking data back and forth to work.
7. Ikea Jerker Desk – Great desk with a funny name. I started standing at my desk and this desk adjusts to the right height. Plus it’s got great storage areas for my computers. I’ll be adding some additional hidden mounts under the desk to hide my cables and router gear.
8. Vmware/Cygwin – Allows me to run Linux and use Gnu tools (bash, g++, Emacs, ssh, XWindows) while I’m using Windows. Need both for work and it’s a pain to have two computers.
9. Subaru Outback – So versatile. Use it to carry big stuff from Home Depot, hockey gear, camping gear plus it’s not as big as a SUV and gets better gas mileage.
10. AT&T Uverse – So sad we gave this up for Time-Warner cable. TW only has two pros: slow-motion and it’s cheaper. As soon as our contract is up, we’re going back to UVerse.
11. Hot sauce – Because my list goes all the way to 11 and everything is better with it (PB&J and Sriracha). As you can tell, I keep a variety on hand for every spicing need.
Don’t you just hate it when a product you love is discontinued? I do! Here are just a few of my favorite things that no longer exist.
Bath Products: Listerex Herbal Facial Scrub kept my face nice and clear and Bonne Bell Shower 2000 (the green kind) smelled soooo good). I sure miss Gee Your Hair Smells Terrific! shampoo. It really did make my hair smell terrific.
Snack Foods: Chipsters and Korkers, Dixie Snack crackers (they were shaped liked little drumsticks), Dip in a Chip crackers and Flaky Flix cookies. Mrs. Field’s cookie stores are no longer around (in San Diego – and the Mrs. Field’s grocery store cookies just aren’t the same). And neither are the Pretzel Time stores – my favorite of the mall pretzel stores. Boo!
and Candy: I mentioned before how much I liked the now extinct Choco Lite bar. I also miss the Marathon Bar. And why doesn’t See’s Candies make the peanut butter lolly pop anymore? They said it’s due to peanut allergies, but their other candies contain peanuts. Whatever, See’s.
Entrees: I’m not an adventurous eater. When I go to a restaurant, I usually get the same thing. Hey, I know what I like! So imagine my dismay when my go-to meal has disappeared from the menu.
The Thai chicken wrap at Mimi’s Cafe.
The steak salad at Rock Bottom.
The chili at Red Robin.
And Harry is mourning the disappearance of the salmon sliders at Sammy’s Woodfire Pizza.
Well, those are just some of the things that I miss. How about you? Are there any products/foods that you will never, ever enjoy again? Let me know in comments!
This week the California lottery mega millions jackpot was $116,000,000. It dawned on me that if I won, I could do some holiday shopping for my bloggy friends. So after some careful consideration I made out my ChristmasHanukkahKwanzaaWhatever list. So keep your fingers crossed that I win* and you just might find the following under your treemenorahmkekawhatever. And because there’s a slight chance I might not win, I came up with some alternative gift choices to give you.**
(Click to enlarge any of the photos)
For Tam – A luxury yacht to go island hopping and a membership to the Man of the Month club.
But if I don’t win she’ll have to settle for a toy boat and a framed photo of Polt’s ass.
For Jere – Marvel Entertainment. And I’ll throw in DC for good measure. Maybe he can do something about a Wonder Woman movie…
If I don’t win, he’ll have to stick to lawyering, so a booze hiding law book might come in handy.
For Craig – a centipede-free mansion in San Diego, so he can hang out with me (all the time)!
But the odds aren’t good, so a can of bug spray and some ear guards will have to do.
For Paul, a starring role in the upcoming Star Trek film and one of those back end movie deals where he makes mega-bucks.
But should I not win the jackpot, an Enterprise scratching post for Whitey will have to suffice.
For Ryan, I will pay off his student loans. He will also get one of these nifty cupcake cars and a lifetime supply of gas.
But if I remain a big old loser, he’s going to have to make do with this cheery little painting.
For my darling VUBOQ, a house with a pottery studio, a fully stocked walk in closet and all the gin his liver can take.
But if I don’t win, he’s getting a sparkly shoe and a jar of olives.
Lucky Mel will finally get to make lopapeysu all day in his Iceland dream house.
Unless I lose. Then he gets ice cubes and a ball of yarn.
Heather and TwoPi both like math, which is completely crazy. So I’m going to set them up with lifetime psychiatric therapy.
But if I don’t win, they will receive Godzilla pajamas, slippers and a toy city they can take turns destroying.
Adam will also get a house in San Diego and will finally find a Lexus with a big red bow in his driveway.
If I don’t have the winning numbers, though, he’ll receive a boob mug and a copy of The Vagina Monologues.
Mikey gets a wine shop. And a cheese shop.
Unless I lose. Then he gets a box of wine and a 99 cent bag of Cheetos.
For Polt, a purple palace filled with Asians with hairthings.
If I don’t win, our favorite stalker gets a fake nose and glasses and a pair of binoculars instead.
For my favorite duo, Joshrico, I’d buy penthouses and limos. Fame, fortune and the paparazzi are sure to follow.
But if I’m not the next lottery winner, I might be able to pay this guy to follow them around for an hour with his camera.
There’s always that one person on your list you have no idea what to get. For me, it’s M. Nico.
He’ll just have to settle for a gift card from Amazon.
Unless I don’t win. Then he gets fruitcake.
Mush gets a mansion, her own record label (I quite like the name “Mushtones”) and a kick ass tour bus so she can tour the country (and visit me, of course).
But if megamillions are not in my stars, she’ll be unwrapping Mr. Microphone.
Fdot watches a lot of movies, so he’ll need a mansion with a state of the art, luxury home theater.
If I lose, he’ll receive Jiffy pop and a DVD of the “best worst movie ever made” Troll 2. Featuring such classic scenes as the following:
Chris D. is excited by space, so I’ll send him there in his very own rocket.
If someone else wins my money he can pretend to be in orbit with these stick on ceiling stars.
David P. will get the VIP treatment with front row seats to any play/musical in the world. Free meals at any restaurant included.
Life does not always (or ever!) go my way though, so David can put on his own shows with these nifty finger puppets and afterward have dinner at McDonald’s.
Justin loves maple. So he will get one of those fancy million dollar log cabins in the middle of a maple tree forest.
Unless my numbers are off. Then he gets a bottle of imitation maple syrup.
I would pay all of john’s bills and buy him a house and an art gallery so he could quit his stupid job and concentrate on his art.
If I don’t win, a big bag of rabbit chow is just the ticket.
I would buy the Kid the Pittsburgh Penguins.
Or a Sidney Crosby bobblehead (if I’m doomed to a life as a non millionaire).
David G. is getting a first class ticket to Hollywood and his own studio. Those zombie screenplays of his will finally be up on the silver screen for me to enjoy.
But should I lose, here’s a t-shirt.
Nathan will get a private jet to fly him around the world.
Or this book of paper airplanes. Not winning the lottery sucks.
Ty will get that $250,000 Jeopardy money he should have gotten in the tournament of Champions.
But if I don’t win, a ceramic Dalmatian from the Old School Wheel of Fortune is just as good.
Mr. Sombrero already has Adam, so obviously he doesn’t need anything else.
I do have a lot of peanut butter left over from the taste test, though…
If I forgot anyone, let me know in the comments, and I’ll find a regift in the garage for you.
So, hopefully, I will be the next megamillionaire, but know that if I’m not I’ll be wishing you all health, love and happiness in the New Year and always.
*It might help if I bought a lottery ticket.
**Just kidding, I’m not getting you anything at all.
Welcome to Cocky & Rude Fight Club! The rules to the game are simple. Each week we’ll introduce our fighters. We’ll do the leg work and help you analyze their strengths and weaknesses. Then we’ll put the results to vote. You’ll pick which combatant will decimate their opponent in the knock-down, drag-out brawl of Cocky & Rude Fight Club! Let’s meet this week’s fighters…
NKOTBSBMembers: Donnie Wahlberg, Danny Wood, Joey McIntyre, Jordan Knight, Jonathan Knight, Brian Littrell, Nick Carter, A. J. McLean, & Howie Dorough
Current Location: Touring across the United States & Canada
Relationship Status: Some of them are probably married
Occupation: boy band entertainers
Height & Weight: Varies
Hobbies: singing, dancing
Major Cities on the current tour: Rosemont, Grand Rapids, Buffalo, Baltimore, Uncasville, Boston, Washington, D.C., Philly, Montreal, Toronto, East Rutherford, Pittsburg, Chicago, Memphis, Nashville, Atlanta, Houston, Dallas, San Antonio, Phoenix, L.A., San Jose, Vegas, Vancouver, Minneapolis, Kansas City, Tulsa, St. Louis, Orlando, Columbus, Cleveland, Atlantic City, Hershey, Ottawa, Hamilton, & London
Hit Songs: “Everybody (Backstreet’s Back)“, “Quit Playing Games (With My Heart)“, “Hangin’ Tough“, “Please Don’t Go Girl“, etc.
Hit Albums: New Kids on the Block (1986), Hangin’ Tough (1988), Step by Step (1990), Backstreet Boys (1996), Backstreet’s Back (1997), Millennium (1999), Unbreakable (2007), This Is Us (2009), etc.
Official Website: http://www.nkotbsb.com/
Catch Phrase: One Night, One Stage, Once in a Lifetime.
NKOTBSB is the supergroup collaboration of the hit ’80s and ’90s boy-band groups New Kids On The Block and Backstreet Boys. The two groups first came together during an onstage performance of “I Want It That Way” at Radio City Music Hall in the summer of 2010. They are currently touring North America in hopes of reigniting the boy band fad in the United States. Secret weapons include: lots of hair gel, choreographed dance moves, stylized facial hair, entitled attitudes, a hoard of screaming middle-aged women and the sheer number of group members.
VUBOQAKA / Alias: Isn’t VUBOQ enough? I mean, really …but if not, his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace
Date of Birth: the Best Day of the Year – St. Patrick’s Day!!! (What other holiday is solely about drinking?)
Place of Birth: Contrary to popular belief, I was not born in a manger.
Current Residence: Silver Spring, MD
Relationship Status: I am in a long-term open relationship with Seagram’s Gin (I’m free to drink other gins as long as I tell Mr. Seagram about it first. Currently, I’m having a little fling with a Beefeater). The great thing about gin is that you never have to worry about it disappearing for days, not returning text messages or phone calls or emails. It’s always there, in my freezer, waiting to be made into a yummy martini to make me happy. Yay!
Occupation: Government/Military Contractor. GAH. That is so boring. Let’s make it “Government/Military Sparklefier”
Height & Weight: Shorter than Craig. Heavier than Michelle M.
Hobbies: pottery (do you have a piece of my pottery? do you want one? so. much. pottery.), knitting, making infused vodkas
Major Cities that you’ve visited: Internationally, London, Tokyo, Beijing, Taipei, Singapore, Bangkok, Berlin … Toronto in September. Yay for Canadia! Nationally, DeeCee, NYC, Dallas, San Diego, San Francisco, LA, Seattle, Las Vegas, DEEEEEEE-troit, Boston, Albuquerque (isn’t that a major city?), Atlanta, Philly … what exactly is a major city? Should these be all on the back of the VUBOQ World Tour t-shirt?
Favorite Song: OMG. I have no idea. I am absolutely sure it is not a NKOTBSB song. And, while we’re on the subject, shouldn’t it be NKOTBBSB? Because otherwise it’s New Kids on the Back Street Boys -and while I’m sure that is fueling all sorts of fun m/m slash fiction- maybe they don’t Want it That Way? (Isn’t that one of their songs? Who knows?)
Favorite Album: Ditto. I am really not all that into music. Well, not so into it that I can pick a favorite.
Official Website: vuboq.blogspot.com Link it. Love it. Be it.
Catch Phrase: None, that I know of.
Favorite curse word: Fork
Everyone’s favorite acronym, VUBOQ (Vicious Unrepentant Bitter Old Queen), provided so much information that a bio is hardly necessary. Instead, here’s a list of his likes, dislikes and Secret Weapons, in his own words… Likes: martinis. pesto. dark chocolate. green. orange. Isabella. cute boys. my nook. Dislikes: beets. stupid people. people who stand on the left on the escalator. clueless tourists. people who walk too slow. metro cars with a/c that doesn’t work (hmm … can you tell what kind of commute home I had this evening? at least there were no beets involved). Secret Weapons: A few years ago, I fended off a mugger with my umbrella (Apparently, I was a 90-year-old grandmother in a former life). Also, back in the late 80s, one of my college friends was a NKOTB stalker, so she shared with me how to find the hotel they were staying in after concerts: The band always booked the entire top floor of a hotel. She would call every hotel in town and ask for a room on the top floor. If they were all booked, she would reserve a room on the floor below. HAHA! Take that (*hehe* Take That! *hehe*), NKOTB(B)SB! I know how to find your secret lair!
Who will win in the battle of NKOTBSB vs. VUBOQ? Both contestants have a whole lot of letters in their acronyms … but there can only be one winner. Will NKOTBSB’s member count be too much for VUBOQ to handle? Or will VUBOQ outsmart the boy band boys with his trusty old lady umbrella? We’re putting this no-holds-barred fight to a vote. The poll will be open for approximately 24 hours, and you may vote as many times as you want. That’s right — we’re not blocking repeat votes, so vote now and vote often for your favorite Cocky & Rude Fight Club opponent.
Check back on Sunday for the results!
Thanks to VUBOQ & Michelle M. for your assistance with this post!
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Find Out Who Has The Biggest Boy-Parts! (NSFW)
While innocently surfing the Internet, I stumbled upon some survey results from a few years ago. It seems that the reputable source, Condomania.com has determined a unique rankings of average penis size in the 50 states. Here’s Condomania’s results, ordered by largest to smallest penis:
By now you’ve scanned the list to see where you rank. Are you lucky enough to be living in well-endowed New Hampshire? Or maybe you’re living in Micropenisville, Wyoming? Most of the C&R frequent commenters living in the following 8 states … and here’s how we measure up:
The results turned out quite well for the presumably well-hung Mikey, Craig, Ty, Josh, Jere and the rest of our New York commenters. Unfortunately those of us in New Jersey (like myself) and Maine didn’t quite measure up. But as those of us who are a bit less than well endowed often claim: it’s not the size of the boat but the motion of the ocean.
A final note … New Yorkers shouldn’t whip out their junk and celebrate too quickly. When Condomania.com ranked the 20 most populated U.S. cities by their average penis size, some new facts were revealed:
It’s good news for commenters like Harry, Ryan and VUBOQ, who live in or near San Diego and Washington D.C. It looks like they may out-measure a few of our New York City friends after all.
So how do you measure up? Are these lists accurate? And what city and state will you be visiting on your next vacation?
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