And so it begins! Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser begins today. Stay tuned each Thursday for the stunning weight-loss success stories of our nine contestants. Who will win this year’s competition? Find out on May 31st … just in time for bikini season! Yay!
Meet the contestants!
Mikey
The whole idea for BC&RL started with me telling Adam that I was officially fat and needed to lose weight to be healthy again. Well…I’m hoping three times really is a charm. Plus…I have a lot of room to go if I’m going to fit into that size 6 wedding gown by Vera Wang this fall.
Adam
I’m so fu¢king fat that none of my clothes fit. My goal is to lose one thousand pounds. mmmm cookies.
Polt
Polt here, and looking over the rules for this thing, I see today I need discuss my reason for participating and what I hope to accomplish. Okay, both can be answered simply by looking at my most recent photo. Yes, I have put on a few pounds since the 2nd edition of this, thanks for noticing and while I ain’t much to look at, at least I’m purple. Anyway, I’m playing along this time because a) I played in the first two and I like being consistent, b) someone has to come in last, and I’ve got broads shoulders (and hips and stomach, etc) so I can take it, c) I’d hate to see Adam cry if not a lot of people played along and d) I might just end up losing a few pounds out of this. And what do I hope to accomplish? Well, some weight loss, I suppose, but I don’t have high hopes for it. No I’m not being negative, just pragmatic. Good luck to everyone!
TwoPi
My doctor has been hassling encouraging me to lose weight for a while. And while I know what I ought to do, having the motivation to actually do it is hard. “Eat right and exercise”; yeah, it might add ten years to my life, but (a) that’s ten years of eating right and exercising, and (b) it’s the LAST ten years it adds on. Give me ten more years as a thirty-year-old, and I might be interested! Anyways, it is something I’ve been meaning to get around to doing, and BC&RL3 seemed like it would be way more fun than going to Weight Watchers’ meetings. Here’s a photo of me with my body double, Alfred Hitchcock.
Tam
This is my inspiration for joining BC&RL3. I convinced myself I could still wear those jeans, I had just chosen not to. HAHAHAHA Oh right. Denial is a wonderful thing. My goals is to get back into those jeans and maybe even the pair a size smaller I admitted I couldn’t wear. Hopefully being accountable to the world wide web will help me stay on track, that along with the encouragement of the other contestants.
Michelle M.
I’m participating because I need to lose some damn weight!
Ryan
I kept going after last season and eventually lost seventy pounds. After taking the last few months off, I’m ready to lose the last bits of fat.
Mr. Sombrero
Mr. Sombrero needs to lose weight because his sombrero doesn’t fit him any more.
Welcome to Cocky & Rude Fight Club! The rules to the game are simple. Each week we’ll introduce our fighters. We’ll do the leg work and help you analyze their strengths and weaknesses. Then we’ll put the results to vote. You’ll pick which combatant will decimate their opponent in the knock-down, drag-out brawl of Cocky & Rude Fight Club! Let’s meet this week’s fighters…
TORNADO
Also known as: Twister, Cyclone, Landspout, Waterspout, Dust Devil
Time of Birth: Anytime, but most often between 3pm and 9pm
Residence: 3 out of every 4 tornadoes occur in the United States
Relationship Status: usually single
Occupation: destruction
Height: 8-16 miles
Wind Speed: Average of 110mph; Maximum of 300+mph
Favorite Animal: Cow
Favorite Movie: Twister, The Wizard of Oz
Typical Duration: 8 minutes
Hobbies: moving house, killing witches
Favorite Curse Word: motherfucker
Tornadoes are violent, dangerous, rotating columns of air that are in contact with both the surface of the Earth and a cloud. They come in many shapes and sizes, but are typically in the form of a visible funnel, whose narrow end is often encircled by a cloud of debris and dust. Most tornadoes have an average speed of 110mph, are approximately 250 feet across, and travel a few miles before dissipating. The most extreme can attain wind speeds of more than 300mph, stretch more than 2 miles across, and stay on the ground for dozens of miles. Their secret weapons include transporting opponents from Kansas to Oz, hurling cows at storm chasers, dropping houses on witches and flinging forks from decimated house into trees.
PAUL WYCKOFF
Also known as: P.J.
Date of Birth:June 8, 19something, something Residence: “Long Guyland” Relationship Status: “Single, currently accepting applications to change that, must have acceptable tattoo to tooth ratio” Occupation: “Controller, that’s right, I AM IN CONTROL!” Height & Weight: “I wish I was little bit taller, I wish I was a baller.”
Average Speed: Recently clocked at 100 MPH.
Favorite Animal: Whitey
Favorite Movie: Female Trouble
Typical Duration: Given the right circumstances, hours. Hobbies: Commenting on blogs while ignoring his own.
Favorite curse word: Cunt
Paul Wyckoff is a violent, dangerous man that lives in “Long Guyland”, New York with his hench-cat, Whitey. When he’s not busy being the controller of a black and white company, he spends his time surfing YouTube, commenting on blogs, watching South Park and Family Guy, fastidiously decorating and cleaning his condo, and grooming to his glorious swirl. The swirl itself has been known to kill without remorse, and is considered one of the most dangerous weapons on Earth. Paul’s secret weapons include an army of drag queens, the ability to use YouTube videos to convey ideas that only he thinks are funny, and the power to turn the sky purple and fill with lightning. Viva la swirl!
Who will win in the battle of Swirl vs. Swirl? Will a tornado fling Paul to Oz before he even has a chance to fight? Or will Paul strike fast and quick with an amusing and relevant YouTube video? We’re putting this no-holds-barred fight to a vote. The poll will be open for approximately 24 hours, and you may vote as many times as you want. That’s right — we’re not blocking repeat votes, so vote now and vote often for your favorite Cocky & Rude Fight Club opponent.
Check back on Sunday for the results!
Thanks to Paul & Michelle M. for your assistance with this post!
And so it begins! Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser begins today. Stay tuned each Thursday for the stunning weight-loss success stories of our nine contestants. Who will win this year’s competition? Find out on May 31st … just in time for bikini season! Yay!
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