It seems that people are always pestering me for my expert advice. Truth be told, I’m awesome at everything. I know all of the answers. All you have to do is ask. That’s why I’m introducing my new advice column: Advice From The Expert… Ask Adam!
Dear Adam: What should I make for dinner tonight?
Signed, Starving For Supper
How about a nice micro-green salad topped with a simple ginger and garlic-spiked orange glazed tempeh! Nom!
Dear Adam: I’ve always wanted a boyfriend who was young, cute, and rich. But I only got two out of three. Should I hold out for the full package or should I settle for hot but poor?
Signed, Should I Settle?
How many young, cute and rich guys do you know that aren’t characters on Gossip Girl? Be happy that you landed 2/3 of the perfect man!
Dear Adam: I know you’re not supposed to wear white after Labor Day, but what are you proscribed from wearing after Memorial Day?
Signed, Fashion Backwards
When in doubt … just wear plaid!
Dear Adam: How can I get my husband to clean his bathroom more often?
Signed, Wedded Pissed
Two words: WITHHOLD SEX. It’s the best way to get whatever you want! That bathroom will be sparkling in no time!
Dear Adam: A couple of vegans moved in across the street. Should I be afraid of their aggressive cult-like ways?
Signed, Confused Carnivore
Trust me, vegans are just like everyone else! … but just to be safe, make sure to lock your doors and windows after dark.
Dear Adam: My younger brother is a great guy but has no self-esteem. His lack of confidence has kept him from doing anything with his life. He’s in a dead end job, hasn’t had a relationship in years, and his circle of friends has dwindles more and more each year. I want to encourage him, but he refuses to discuss his plans or goals with anyone. I just want him to be happy, but he clearly is not. What should I do?
Signed, Sibling Misery
Don’t worry, he’ll grow up eventually. Can I have his number?
Dear Adam: What the hell should I do with my life?
Signed, Miss Direction
Become a prostitute! Prostitutes make TONS of money! You’ll be rich in not time at all!
Have a question for Adam? Email him today!
There’s been a lot of scandal (both political and otherwise) on the news lately. Of course there’s Anthony Weiner, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Dominique Strauss-Khan, but as I’m sure you’re aware — they’re hardly the first. And we all know that they won’t be the last. Could you be the subject of the world next big scandal? Probably not … but let’s find out anyway.
You know the rules: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.
Have You Ever?!1. Have you ever committed fraud, conspiracy, money laundering or theft?
2. Have you ever committed perjury?
3. Have you ever employed an illegal alien?
4. Have you ever cheated on your taxes?
5. Have you ever accepted bribes?
6. Have you ever been involved in illegal gambling?
7. Have you ever been involved in any sort of dog fighting or animal abuse?
8. Have you ever cheated on your significant other?
9. Have you ever gotten pregnant or impregnated someone as a result of cheating on your significant other?
10. Have you ever sat with a wide stance and tapped your foot in a public restroom to solicit sex?
11. Have you ever had an intimate encounter with a stranger in a public restroom?
12. Have you ever been forced by a scandal to out yourself as a gay American?
13. Have you ever taken nude photos of yourself?
14. Have you ever sent sexually suggestive tweets, texts, IMs or similar communications to someone?
15. Have you ever IMed, texted or tweeted dirty photos of yourself to someone else?
16. Have you ever IMed, texted or tweeted something racist, profane, or similarly controversial?
17. Have you ever had phone sex or dirty audio conversations with someone else?
18. Have you ever appeared in any state of undress or sexual arousal on Skype, Chatroulette, Manroulette, or any other web-based video communication?
19. Have you ever recorded a sex tape?
20. Have you ever had sex with a prostitute?
21. Have you ever been accused of sexual harassment in the workplace?
22. Have you ever talked about pubic hairs on your can of Coke in the workplace?
23. Have you ever inserted a cigar into someone’s vagina while at your workplace?
24. Have you ever murdered someone?
25. Have you ever raped someone?
The best thing to do right now is to get these indiscretions off your chest by telling us all your point total. Or many not, if you ever plan to run for political office…
How pure are you… really? There’s only one way to find out! Below is a list of 100 questions. For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach #100, add up your points, and post your total in the comments section. Then we’ll all know the truth!
HAVE YOU EVER…1. Masturbated?
2. Been caught masturbating?
3. Masturbated in front of a pet?
4. Purchased print pornography?
5. Purchased video pornography?
6. Looked at pornography on the Internet?
7. Stored more than 26.13 GB of porn on your computer?
8. Masturbated in a public restroom?
9. Masturbated outdoors?
10. Masturbated while steering a moving vehicle?
11. Paid for Internet pornography?
12. Tasted your own orgasmic liquids?
13. Inserted your finger into your rectum?
14. Performed oral sex on yourself? (Or tried REALLY hard to reach?)
15. Masturbated with a piece of fruit or vegetable?
16. Committed an act of exhibitionism (like moon, streak, or flash)?
17. Shaved your pubic hair?
18. Gone skinny dipping?
19. Been on a date?
20. Been on a blind date?
21. Told someone that you loved them?
22. Been out on a date later than 1am?
23. Kissed on the first date?
24. Had or given a hickey?
25. Kissed for more than 2 hours consecutively?
26. Been naked with another person?
27. Been naked and sexually aroused in front of another person?
28. Had oral sex on the first date?
29. Had vaginal sex on the first date?
30. Had anal sex on the first date?
31. Given or received oral sex?
32. Given or received vaginal sex?
33. Given or received anal sex?
34. Had sex without a condom?
35. Had sex with a virgin?
36. Had sex in a car?
37. Had sex while a pet stared at you?
38. Had sex underwater (pool, bath tub, etc.)?
39. Sniffed someone else’s underwear?
40. Stolen someone else’s underwear?
41. Worn someone else’s underwear?
42. Masturbated with another person in the room?
43. Mutually masturbated with another person?
44. Given or received oral sex in a moving car?
45. Had sex with multiple partners at the same time?
46. Hooked up with someone from the Internet for just sex?
47. Had sex with more than 1 person in a single day?
48. Had anonymous sex?
49. Tasted someone else’s semen?
50. Given or received analingus?
51. Cheated on your partner?
52. Been engaged or married?
53. Committed adultery?
54. Had sex in public?
55. Been caught having sex?
56. Gone 69?
57. Impregnated a woman, or been pregnant?
58. Given birth to, or fathered a child?
59. Used a sex toy?
60. Had sex with a minor?
61. Committed incest?
62. Engaged in bondage?
63. Given or received a fist, either vaginally or anally.
64. Committed bestiality?
65. Been tested for a sexually transmitted disease or infection?
66. Had an sexually transmitted disease or infection?
67. Tasted your own urine?
68. Peed on someone else?
69. Tasted someone else’s urine?
70. Tasted your own feces?
71. Tasted someone else’s feces?
72. Defecated somewhere other than a toilet?
73. Defecated on someone else?
74. Gone to a strip club?
75. Paid a prostitute for sex?
76. Received payment for sex?
77. Attended a peep show?
78. Visited a bath house, orgy club, or similar sex party?
79. Called a sex line?
80. Been drunk?
81. Been so drunk that you blacked out?
82. Been so drunk that you passed out?
83. Smoked tobacco?
84. Smoked pot or hashish?
85. Used cocaine?
86. Used LSD, PCP, heroin or Mushrooms?
87. Huffed an inhalant?
88. Shoplifted?
89. Plagiarized?
90. Punched someone in the face?
91. Kicked a guy in the testicles?
92. Stolen?
93. Bounced a check?
94. Killed an animal?
95. Committed breaking and entering?
96. Been ticketed for a moving violation?
97. Murdered someone either on purpose or by accident?
98. Been arrested?
99. Spent a night or more in jail?
100. Lied on this purity test?
Don’t forget to post your results in the comments, you filthy, impure slut!
 | Tasha on 10 Reasons Why Vaginas Are… |
 | Alexus on 10 Reasons Why Vaginas Are… |
| Alexus on 10 Reasons Why Vaginas Are… |
| Vagina. on 10 Reasons Why Vaginas Are… |
 | goblinbox on Biggest C&R Loser 201… |
 | Order Now! Fool Me T… on Commenter Cocktails! |
 | Jones sabo and maybe… on What Animal Are You? |
 | MsElenath on 10 Reasons Why Vaginas Are… |
Have You Ever … On Your Birthday?!
You know the rules but I’ll tell you anyway: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.
1. Have you ever had a birthday?
9. Have you ever received a free meal at a restaurant on your birthday?
20. Have you ever had to spend your birthday alone?
2. Have you ever received a crappy gift on your birthday?
3. Have you ever bought yourself a present on your birthday?
4. Have you ever worked on your birthday?
5. Have you ever thrown yourself a party on your birthday?
6. Have you ever been surprised by a birthday party at work on your birthday?
7. Have you ever been surprised by a surprise party on your birthday?
8. Have you ever baked yourself a cake on your birthday?
10. Have you ever received a free drink at a bar on your birthday?
11. Have you ever turned into a gluttonous cake monster on your birthday?
12. Have you ever thrown up on your birthday?
13. Have you ever been disappointed (for any reason) on your birthday?
14. Have you ever lied about your age on your birthday?
15. Have you ever forgotten your own birthday?
16. Have you ever ignored your birthday and hoped it would just go away?
17. Have you ever cried on your birthday?
18. Have you ever gotten really drunk on your birthday?
19. Have you ever used illegal drugs on your birthday?
21. Have you ever broken up with someone on your birthday?
22. Have you ever deleted your birthday on Facebook just to see who really remembers your birthday?
23. Have you ever had sex on your birthday?
24. Have you ever received any type of sex act as a birthday gift?
25. Have you ever slept with a prostitute on your birthday?
Tell us your total in the comments!
Rate this:
Share this:
Like this: