Welcome to Cocky & Rude Fight Club: ROUND THREE! The rules to the game are simple. Each week we’ll re-introduce our fighters. We’ll give them each a chance to speak their mind. Then we’ll put the results to vote. You’ll pick which combatant will decimate their opponent in the knock-down, drag-out brawl of Cocky & Rude Fight Club! Let’s meet this week’s fighters…
Each week of Round Three, we’ll drop three Round Two winners into the ring and see who remains standing after a 24-hour Cocky & Rude Fight Club vote. Today’s contestants are: Michelle M., “The Kid” and FDot.
In her C&R Fight Club Round 1 fight, the queen of of the Puntabugang, Michelle M. faced off against the queen of all media, Oprah Winfrey. In what many thought would be a difficult match, Oprah queefed all the way to an easy knockout, when Michelle M. destroyed her with 87% of the popular vote. In Round 2, Michelle M. faced off against two worthy opponents: Captain Kirk and Polt. With firsts of fury, Michelle M. easily trounced the two with 66% of the popular vote. Michelle M. has recently adopted a gluten-free diet… with this help or hurt her? And with Cooper at her side, how will she stand up against “The Kid” and FDot?
These two don’t stand a chance. I mean, c’mon, I defeated Kirk. With one arm tied behind my back. There is no way that Fdot is ready to face me in the ring – he should just stay in the kitchen where he belongs. Those chocolate chip cookies aren’t going to make themselves. As for Kristin, face it, I’m older and I have more insurance.TOWANDA!!!!
In her C&R Fight Club Round 1 battle, Tam’s little princess, “The Kid” faced off again pop princess, Rebecca Black. With the assistance of her trusty steed, Sprinkles the Pony, “The Kid” defeated Black with just 59% of the popular vote. In Round 2, “The Kid” faced off against John and her own mother — and managed to defeat them both with 80% of the popular vote. “The Kid” is known for her movie references, hammering the refresh button, and she’s not afraid to beat up her own mother. But does she stand a chance against FDot and Michelle M.?
If you think adding a third person to this fight will phase me, think again. After being a thirteen man cage match in the underground back in ’97 there ain’t a chance that I’ll lose. I’m fierce and have put on over 10kilos of muscle from training with the highest class of security guards around. I’m strong, I’m tough and I’m god’s unwanted child. I plan on taking this ring by storm and not only will I tear up the competition I’ll tear out the ring, the crowd and anything that’s within the square kilometer. Just call me the Hulk because once I’m in the ring I’m ready to explode.
In his C&R Fight Club Round 1, ‘Fan Favorite‘ FDot faced off against ‘Fan Favorite’ Tom Hanks. FDot proved that there can only be on favorite when he defeated Tom Hanks with 67% of the popular vote. In Round 2, FDot faced off against a dynamic duo of opponents: Paul and VUBOQ. With just 46% of the popular vote, FDot managed to defeat them both. FDot is known for his powerful trash-talking ability and chocolate chip cookie bribery … but will that be enough to beat “The Kid” and Michelle M.? We will soon see…
So this week I have to face off against Inch High, Private Eye and The Fetus. No problem. For starters, Inchy already has a platform here every Monday, so a win for her could only lead to weekly doses of gloating. The Fetus should be disqualified as she’s not even of voting age yet. Besides, losing is good for a teenager, it builds character. As an extra precaution, I include pictures to keep Inchy and The Fetus distracted from voting: the world’s most expensive martini, and texting! I’d also remind the majority of the male population here that I’m single, easy, discreet and have no problem picking up the tab.
Who will win in the battle of Michelle M. vs. “The Kid” vs. FDot? There’s only one rational way to decide who will win this battle. We’re putting this no-holds-barred fight to a vote. The poll will be open for approximately 24 hours, and you may vote as many times as you want. That’s right — we’re not blocking repeat votes, so vote now and vote often for your favorite Cocky & Rude Fight Club opponent.
Check back on Sunday for the results!
Thanks to Michelle M., “The Kid” and FDot for your assistance with this post!
Welcome to Cocky & Rude Fight Club! The rules to the game are simple. Each week we’ll introduce our fighters. We’ll do the leg work and help you analyze their strengths and weaknesses. Then we’ll put the results to vote. You’ll pick which combatant will decimate their opponent in the knock-down, drag-out brawl of Cocky & Rude Fight Club! Let’s meet this week’s fighters…
REBECCA BLACK
Date of Birth: June 21, 1997 Place of Birth: Anaheim Hills, CA Residence: With her parents, John Jeffery Black and Georgina Marquez Kelly Relationship Status: Presumably single, possibly dating one of the boys in the video Regional Accent: Californian Auto-Tune Occupation: Singer(?) Favorite Rapper: Patrice Wilson What time do you wake up in the morning: 7AM (gotta be fresh, gotta go downstairs) Favorite Breakfast food: cereal Favorite underage driving destination: slow highways with cities in the background, parking lots, parties near trees with rainbow lighting Favorite day of the week to git down on: FRIDAY Do you look forward to the weekend?: we so excited! Which seat can you take? (Front seat or back seat): undecided (“which seat can I taaaaaakeee?”) Favorite curse word: none
Viral (pop?) star, Rebecca Black burst onto the Internet scene in March of 2011 after recording her hit song, Friday. Reportedly costing her mother a whopping $4000, the “vanity release” has since spawned countless spoofs and covers by the cast of Glee, Stephen Colbert, Jimmy Fallon, The Roots and Taylor Hick, Nick Jonas, Katy Perry, Conan O’Brien and Andy Richter, and Justin Bieber. The video features an excessive use of Auto-Tune, underage driving, a whole lot of “fun, fun fun, fun, partying, partying, yeah!”, a rap interlude by co-producer Patrice Wilson, bad haircuts, a disregard for car safety, and a brace-face named Benni Cinkle. Rebecca’s weapons are numerous and include a convertible driven by minors, rainbow colored party lights, Benni Crinkle bites, and ear shattering Auto-Tuning. It should also be noted that Rebecca may or may not be able to shoot lasers from her sizable mole. Beware!
KRISTEN, “THE KID”
Also known as: Dieter Vonsnizenhauzerkrank (i can’t believe I’m admitting this) Alias: ‘Lil Meezy Date of Birth: May 28 Place of Birth: Ottawa, Canada Residence: With my mom Relationship Status: Mentally dating various celebrities Regional Accent: Canadian, eh? Occupation: Forever Unemployed Height & Weight: Not tall enough & a little too much Favorite Rapper: S-L-I-M S-H-A-D-Y What time do you wake up in the morning: Too early for any human being Favorite Breakfast food: bagels, bagels and more bagels. Favorite underage driving destination: The Bagel Shoppe Favorite day of the week to git down on: THURSDAY!!!!!!!!!!! Do you look forward to the weekend?: Only if there’s PARTYING involved Favorite place to party: The Slytherin Common Room Which seat can you take? (Front seat or back seat): Front seat. I demand riding shotgun Favorite curse word: BULLOCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!
Daughter of Tam (last week’s C&R Fight Clubwinner), Kristen (more commonly referred to as “The Kid”), hails from Ottawa, Canada. Like your average teen girl, “The Kid” attends school, enjoys riding a pony named Sprinkles, dreams of one day becoming a ballet dancer, and loves watching Jersey Shore(she’s seen every episode!), and The Food Network. Kristen’s favorite movies include Hitchcock’s Rope, Vertigo, Rear Window, and Psycho — so she’s clearly no stranger to murder and intrigue. It may seem like “The Kid” fights in the shadow of her mother’s battle, but don’t be fooled … she shines bright! Her secret weapons include Sprinkles the Pony (who may or may not be rabid), an endless supply of bagels (don’t let the holes fool you, they hurt when they hit you!), The Situation’s abs of steel, Snooki (who may or may not be rabid), and her favorite hockey team: the Pittsburgh Penguins. Don’t mess with Dieter Vonsnizenhauzerkrank!!!
Who will win in the battle of Friday vs. Thursday? Will Rebecca Black ignore her 2,710,134+ YouTube dislikes and Auto-Tune herself all the way to victory? Or will “The Kid” trample her opponent to death with Sprinkles the Pony? We’re putting this no-holds-barred fight to a vote. The poll will be open for approximately 24 hours, and you may vote as many times as you want. That’s right — we’re not blocking repeat votes, so vote now and vote often for your favorite Cocky & Rude Fight Club opponent.
Check back on Sunday at noon for the results!
Thanks to Kristen & Michelle M. for your assistance with this post!
Welcome to Cocky & Rude Fight Club: ROUND THREE! The rules to the game are simple. Each week we’ll re-introduce our fighters. We’ll give them each a chance to speak their mind. Then we’ll put the results to vote. You’ll pick which combatant will decimate their opponent in the knock-down, drag-out brawl of Cocky & Rude Fight Club! Let’s meet this week’s fighters…
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