Tag Archives: penis

How To Get Super Ripped So Everyone Wants To Have Sex With You!

I was paging through the latest issue of Details magazine and I don’t know why, but this article caught my eye.

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It’s all about The Six Fastest Ways To Get Ripped; which are (1) pull-ups, (2) bench presses, (3) squats, (4) farmers walks*, (5) military presses* and (6) deadlifts*. BUT I DISAGREE! That list is complete bullshit.

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Here’s my list of The Fastest 6 Ways to Get Ripped:

1. Have good genes.
2. Exercise 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

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3. Take lots of steroids.
4. Never eat anything that tastes good.

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5. When the photographer comes, make sure you’re super tan, dehydrated, and covered in oil.
6. Make sure that they Photoshop the crap out of you so you look perfect!

CONGRATULATIONS! Now you are super ripped and everyone wants to have sex with you!

*You may be wondering WTF farmers walks, military presses and deadlifts are. I have no idea. If I had actually read the article, I could probably tell you.


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How I Ruined Craig’s Life

Hayley tells the truth … Adam is a twat!

One of my old C&R posts that still gets lots of hits every day is 10 Reasons Why Vaginas Are Gross.  It seems that lots of people are searching Google each day to learn why those gaping holes of disgustingness are so awful.  I’m glad that C&R can be a service to those truth-seekers.  I’m also glad that the post is still generating comments … especially ones like these:

I guess hayley didn’t see my other post, 10 Reasons Why Penises Are Gross.  I may be a “prick,” a “fucking arsehole,” and a “twat” … but at least I’m an equal offender.

Thanks for the chuckle, hayley!  I love you!


Find Out Who Has The Biggest Boy-Parts! (NSFW)

While innocently surfing the Internet, I stumbled upon some survey results from a few years ago.  It seems that the reputable source, Condomania.com has determined a unique rankings of average penis size in the 50 states.  Here’s Condomania’s results, ordered by largest to smallest penis:

By now you’ve scanned the list to see where you rank.  Are you lucky enough to be living in well-endowed New Hampshire?  Or maybe you’re living in Micropenisville, Wyoming?  Most of the C&R frequent commenters living in the following 8 states … and here’s how we measure up:

The results turned out quite well for the presumably well-hung Mikey, Craig, Ty, Josh, Jere and the rest of our New York commenters.  Unfortunately those of us in New Jersey (like myself) and Maine didn’t quite measure up.  But as those of us who are a bit less than well endowed often claim: it’s not the size of the boat but the motion of the ocean.

A final note … New Yorkers shouldn’t whip out their junk and celebrate too quickly.  When Condomania.com ranked the 20 most populated U.S. cities by their average penis size, some new facts were revealed:

It’s good news for commenters like Harry, Ryan and VUBOQ, who live in or near San Diego and Washington D.C.  It looks like they may out-measure a few of our New York City friends after all.

So how do you measure up?  Are these lists accurate?  And what city and state will you be visiting on your next vacation?


Gay Porn: The Survey Continues!

So I started with my first analysis of the results here at Cocky & Rude and then I posted at my own blog about Gay Porn and Social Networking and now today we’ll touch on exposure to the flesh, sometimes with touching. Ahem.

I asked who had seen some dancing boys, either completely nekkid or with the naught bits covered. I was actually kind of surprised how many hadn’t, or how many hadn’t seen them completely in the buff. My first experience with male stripper was when I was 19. It was a friend’s Mom’s 50th birthday party. Yes, awkward. Anyway, this was way back in the day, ‘cause I’m old as dirt, and in Manitoba no less, and they were completely bare. Huh. Who’d have thought we were so progressive out there on the prairies.

What did people have to say about the dancing boys:

Ok while I can appreciate the skin I just can’t get past the boys that can’t shake their booty – so I would rather watch boys that can dance rather than uncoordinated attempts. – Riley (point taken, have some rhythm white boys)

Some drool worthy in my college days. One gent who was apache had me really drooling. And those guys in NOLA. – SamK (Okay, Andrew in NOLA was pitiful but the others were ‘fine’)

Only once in the total buff, and he wasn’t that good-looking, which sort of spoiled the experience. I’ve seen lots of strippers or go-go dancers in g-strings/jock straps… – Janet (Why was Janet looking above his shoulders?)

I’ve seen both. I sort of prefer them to be not entirely naked. I’m way more about the arms and chest than the peen. – Anon (that’s a point – we all know penises are gross)

Okay, so maybe you’d seen one up there gyrating on the bar and having a good time. Maybe you’ve even touched a bare ass or two in passing. What about something more. Really getting down and dirty. Well, not surprisingly the numbers there are much lower. I’m thinking largely because that may be illegal in most places? Not sure. Anyway, most of us are willing to give it a try though and see if it’s worthwhile. The ladies in the circles I run in are nothing if not open minded.

So what was it like for those who’ve experienced it?

Once, in passing, in Thailand, and it made me really sad :( – Anon (that doesn’t sound fun)

Maybe, oh hell yeah, let me at it? Have watched the men down on Bourbon Street with a gay co-worker. – SamK (How did I miss this in NOLA?)

At a gay club we hadn’t visited before – it was actually pretty good – needless to say we did go back again! But have also seen some pretty bad ones – Riley (Riley, the voice of experience.)

Only if no women are involved. – Ruby Netherlips (True that. I heard some oddly horrific/yet fascinating stories about Japan from a colleague)

Does the Folsom Street Fair count? :) There were all sorts of lovely men doing lovely things to each other, and I have photos to prove it ;) – Anon (I can’t believe she didn’t share the pics!)

Only reason I haven’t is I’d rather go in the company of a friend, and the opportunity hasn’t come around yet. But on that fine day…! – Willa Okati (author) (We’ll have to work on that Willa.)

A club isn’t my thing. Certainly wouldn’t mind seeing two guys having sex live, though, but outside of a club, not sure how that would come about, lol. – Anon (I believe cash would exchange hands. Maybe if we all chipped in?)

So there you have it. Monday on my blog I’ll have some final thought on WHY we like the all-boy porn. I was so impressed by everyone who answered by poll and shared their personal stories and reasons for their preferences. Not all anon as you note either.

Thanks to C&R for hosting some of my results and for inspiring the survey. It was great fun.


Check out Tam’s blog: Tam Reads, Writes & Rambles, read her reviews at Brief Encounters, or follow her on Twitter.

It’s The Friday Five!

Guess what folks…It’s Friday, which means it is time for a Friday Five. You may be scratching your head and thinking “didn’t we already do this?” Well that was Michelle’s amazing Monday Five…and this is Mikey’s Fabulous Friday Five. It’s really not that complicated. What happened this week that was worth hitting the charts? Well just read on, dear friends.

First up is the most amazing news out of New Jersey since Bruce Springsteen and Bon Jovi: Snooki is having a baby! For those of you who do not know, Snooki is the chief sleazebag on Jersey Shore. She has heightened awareness of all things New Jersey and help break down all those nasty stereotypes about people from the state. And now…she’s reproducing. I’m anticipating something that looks like Godzilla.

Next we have news from the wonderful world of technology. As we become more and more reliant on our smartphones, they are going to have to get bigger and bigger. Some enterprising young minds are truly worried about this development. In fact, the boys over at Buzzfeed’s new tech site FWD created a chart to demonstrate exactly when the smartphone screen will be larger than the average male penis. Of course, those of you with a micropeen are already pushing your phones forward to make your penis look bigger (I am obviously referring to Adam here).

In more serious news, the American Foundation for Equal Rights broadcast their star studded production of Dustin Lance Black’s play 8 on youtube last week. It is an important play only because it shows the idiocy and bigotry of the anti-gay asswipes fighting to keep happy gay couples from getting married. Also, you should watch it to see how much Chris Colfer’s talents are wasted on “Glee.”

While we are discussing wasted talent, we should turn our attention to Lindsay Lohan. She hosted SNL last week and aside from the Disney Housewives sketch it was awful. Furthermore, why has a woman so young had so much work done on her perfectly beautiful face? Just because Michael Jackson is dead, doesn’t mean that anyone should try and top his plastic surgery record. Lohan is looking so ragged that Debbie Harry was mistaken for her the day after her visit to NYC. Ms. Harry looks great for her age, but she’s also forty odd years older than LiLo.

And finally, the coolest of them all. About a year ago, I wrote a blog rant about how easy it has become to solve Rubik’s Cubes due to guides on the internet. Well an artist named Pete Fecteau has found a way to make them relevant to me again, by making them into a mural of Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. His Dream Big project takes hundreds of the cubes and manipulates them so that they have the right colors in the perfect space to make a mural of the Dr. King. It’s moving and mesmerizing.

There you have them folks: Snooki’s offspring, the Peenpocalypse, 8, the unusual resurgence of Debbie Harry, and Rubik’s Cube art. Close runners-up were hardcore gay pornography, this freakishly early spring weather, and 30 Rock’s amazing brilliance. What is on your five today?

Craig’s penis.

 Craig’s penis. Discuss.

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