If you waste as much time on the internet as I do, you’ve probably seen the McKayla is not impressed meme. Perhaps you even submitted a post to the blog. I have submitted several (What can I say? This is the kind of stuff I obsess over). My Peanuts one even made it. Yay!
But what happened to all my other submissions? Some ideas I’ve had, I’ve seen posted by other people days after I submitted them (great minds think alike). Maybe there’s a backlog, or maybe they didn’t go through, or maybe they’re saving them up for a grand finale, or maybe they’re just lame… Anyway, I’m tired of waiting for them to show up (or not show up). So here they are:
For more adventures of Super Viagra & Vagina Girl, go to Puntabulous.com
I just looked at the calendar, and ya know what I found? It’s Friday. And here at C&R, that can only mean one thing. We’re all going to sing Rebecca Black songs! It’s time for the Friday Five:
1. The New TV Season! Nearly all of the new shows this season are sucking some major shit… but Terra Nova was pretty good. Did you watch it? (Yea, yea, it’s sci-fi on Fox so I give it about half a season before they cancel it.) To make up for the lackluster crop of new shows, there’s plenty of great returning series that I’m excited about. Breaking Bad has been breathtakingly amazing! Plus It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Parks & Recreation, Fringe, Happy Endings, and Modern Family are all going strong. And I still love Glee, no matter what you say!
2. Andy Rooney is stepping down from 60 Minutes at the tender age of 472. Slacker! I hate lazy people that decide to retire early. They’re all so smug and rich. Ugh! Hate that! And who is Andy Rooney, anyway? I’m 31 … does anyone my age watch 60 Minutes? After a little bit of research, I’ve discovered that he’s a crotchety old geezer with ridiculous eyebrows. Jesus, man! Trim your forehead bush! Here’s some funny videos that make fun of Andy Rooney:
3. Taking personal days off of work is pretty great! I’ve worked at the same company for about 50 years, and I don’t think I’ve ever just taken a personal day. I’ve pre-scheduled ‘personal time’ before, but I’ve never just called out of work without lying about an illness. “Hey, it’s Adam … I’m going to take a personal day today. Call me if you need me … I’ll see you tomorrow.” It’s great! You should try it! I did it on Wednesday, so I could take a nap in the afternoon before training my way to NYC to have dinner with Mr. Sombrero and a friend. By the way, my favorite (made up) sick day excuse: “Hey it’s Adam. I’m going to take a sick day today. I’ve been up all night … the diarrhea is just awful. I must have food poisoning or something. It’s all over the walls of my apartment. I think it might even be on the ceiling. Oh God! I gotta go! See ya tomorrow!” I actually did that. It received a few hearty chuckles.
4. Beards. I find beards on guys to be incredibly sexy. And I mean facial hair — not a gay guy’s fake girlfriend that’s on him. Just to clear that up. Anyway — I’ve never really had a beard for more than a couple weeks before. I always end up getting frustrated (because they’re either itchy or begin to act like a drool sponge when I’m sleeping) but I’m totally over my beard’s itchy/sponginess. All you gotta do is wipe your face off when you wake up. Use an absorbent material like a paper towel or your boyfriend’s sheet. It works great! Yea, so I’m rock’n a beard right now. And I look goooood.
5. Apples are in season! Woohoo! With the beginning of autumn comes apple season. Yay, cheap delicious fruit at the grocery store! My three favorite apples are: 1. Jazz, 2. Honeycrisp and 3. Fuji. Someone bake me some vegan apple crisp with a side of vegan apple pie! Yum! I hope that apartment that Tam’s renting in NYC next weekend has an oven … so she can bake for me! Yay!
That’s it bitches! My five favorites of the week are: TV, Andy Rooney, Taking Personal Days, Beards and Apples! What a loverly assortment of favorite things. I’m totally more creative than that queefing madwoman or that other chick that doesn’t read C&R. Runners up this week: free food, reading, regularly cleaning your toilet, bursts of energy, fancy nail clippers, my Kindle, exclamation points, masturbating and hardcore gay porn. Woohoo!
What’s your Friday Five? Tell me in the comments!
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A few of my favorite things
What do raindrops on roses, all edges brownie pans, schnitzel with noodles and apple bottom jeans have in common? They are not my favorite things (sorry Oprah and Maria von Trapp). I like other stuff. Here are a few of my favorite things:
My Le Crueset pitcher in Caribbean Blue. I just love the color. I got it so I can make iced tea (pouring the hot water in won’t crack it). I don’t like tea, and try as I might, cannot acquire a taste for it. But having this pitcher is an incentive to drink healthy, good for you, yucky tasting tea.
Nothing says “class” like plastic wine glasses (I also have plastic champagne glasses). We do have the crystal stuff, but who wants to hand wash a glass after enjoying their Beringer‘s zinfandel? The answer is: Not me.
Our TV trays – we use them ALL the time. Why eat at the dinner table when you can cram your face with food in front of the TV? Conversation is overrated anyway.
Butt warmers. Almost makes it worth driving a station wagon (it’s Harry’s – I will not cop to owning a station wagon).
Speaking of warm buns – croissants! Mmmm. Buttery, flaky and low calorie! Well, I’ll have to settle for two out of three.
Jasmine – this isn’t our jasmine. Ours isn’t quite as lush. But it’s blooming and smells heavenly.
Know what else smells good? Me! Because I use Elizabeth Arden‘s Green Tea perfume. It doesn’t smell like green tea, though, more like peppery lime.
Parcheesi! I love this game. Even though I haven’t played it in a million years, it’s still a favorite. Doubles, blockades, sending someone home – so much fun!
I love notebooks. I like the promise a brand new notebook holds. Maybe I’ll scribble down ideas for a post, make out a grocery list or start writing that million dollar novel – especially now that I’m participating in Craig’s Six Figure Summer (maybe he should make that Seven Figure Summer…).
See’s Milk Bordeaux candies. Did you know that See’s calls the sprinkles “chocolate rice”? You do now. Thank goodness they’re so rich or I’d be giving Fat Betty some competition.
So this is what I think of when the dog bites or the bee stings. And if you look under your chair, you will find… nothing! You get nothing! And you get nothing. Everybody gets nothing!
So what are some of your favorite things? Let me know in comments!
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